My Wife Told Me to Do It

There is a story of a man who died and went to heaven to find two signs above two different lines. One sign said: "ALL THOSE MEN WHO HAVE BEEN DOMINATED BY THEIR WIVES, STAND HERE." That line of men seemed to stretch off through the clouds into infinity. The second sign read: "ALL THOSE WHO HAVE NEVER BEEN DOMINATED BY THEIR WIVES, STAND HERE." Underneath the sign stood one man. He went over to the man, grabbed his arm and said, "What's the secret, how did you do it? That other line has millions of men and you are the only one standing in this line." The man looked around with a puzzled expression and said, "Why, I am not sure I know. My wife just told me to stand here." (Borrowed from What Should Be the Husband's Role in Marriage.)

Why does this story tickle our funny bone? Perhaps because it smacks of the truth? Perhaps because many husbands and wives can identify with it?

How many wives have you heard complain of being dominated by their husbands? Yet it is not uncommon to be amongst men and hear moaning about "mothering", "being hen-pecked", "told what to do", "not allowed to do what I want" etc.. If men are so uncomfortable with being led by their wives, why don't they take the lead in their marriage? Could it be because they don't know how to lead, or is it because they really don't want to bear the responsibility of leadership?

What Makes for a Peaceful Home?

Respect. At the core of every peaceful home and happy marriage you will find respect. Respect is not something you have or an entity you can hold onto, like your marriage license. It’s quite simply the act of giving particular attention or holding in high regard. It’s something you DO. And if it’s not something that comes easily to you, all is not lost. Fortunately, respect is something you can learn to do.

What if you don’t respect your wife or husband? After all, some people just don't seem to deserve respect, right? Without respect, a marriage quickly degrades into bickering. Husbands start to whine about how their wives don’t respect them and always second-guess them. Wives nag, because they convince themselves that that their husbands don’t listen to them. The bickering, whining, and nagging becomes a slippery slope to occasional heated arguments. In time, if respect is left out of the relationship, the occasional insults and angry outbursts become a daily event. In no time, you wake up to find that your once happy marriage has evolved into a constant battle you would rather avoid.

Is it too late if my marriage is already a war zone? Respect is an act of our will, so you can introduce respect into your marriage today. The first step towards respecting your marriage partner is taken when you choose to put them ahead of yourself. Sound familiar? It should - that’s the choice of an unselfish person. Selfish folk always put themselves first. For selfish people, it’s always about what they want or what is good for them. To start the process of developing respect for your partner, ask yourself what he/she might want or what would be good for them. Then make the choice and initiate the act of GIVING them what is best for them. Not only will be you blessing your partner, but you will taking a step towards having the kind of peaceful marriage you long for.

Is a peaceful marriage attainable? It certainly is if you will be the courageous partner who takes the first step.

Old Fashioned Marriage Starts with a Vow

Once upon a time, marriage started with vows that went something like this:

I, [the groom] , take you, [the bride], to be my wife,
to have and to hold from this day forward;
for better, for worse,
for richer, for poorer,
in sickness and in health,
to love and to cherish, till death us do part, according to God's holy law.
I, [the bride] , take you, [the groom], to be my husband,
to have and to hold from this day forward;
for better, for worse,
for richer, for poorer,
in sickness and in health,
to love, cherish, and obey, till death us do part, according to God's holy law.

Couples entered the marriage knowing how binding their promise would be. Their vows left no backdoors for divorce if the going got tough. When you married, you committed yourself wholeheartedly to staying together until your partner died. Husbands took on the responsibility to love, protect, guide and lead their wives. Wives accepted the responsibility to love and honor their husbands, and agreed to express this honor through their submission to their husbands' authority. Is marriage with this level of commitment still possible in our modern society? Can couples of all ages have old fashioned marriages that don't stifle them? How do modern wives get their husbands to take the lead in the home? How to modern husbands get their wives to submit to them? Do marriages with gender-specific roles really work? We're on a journey to find those answers. Join us as we explore the mystery of the old fashioned marriage that works.