For the husband to successfully deal with
repeated challenges to his authority as leader of the home, he has to be
prepared to offer a consequence less pleasant than the embarrassment caused by
him communicating to his wife that he finds her behavior disrespectful. If
telling his wife that she is damaging their marriage through her disrespect is not
enough to adjust her behavior, it is time to deliver a less pleasant
consequence that will be more likely to cause a positive change.
The consequence you choose as the husband and
leader must be one which is effective in changing behavior. Some husbands
report success with consequences such as: no use of the family credit card for
a period of time; no “girls night out” for a limited period; extra house chores
for a limited time; no surfing the internet for a period of time. These “time
outs” from social and shopping activities provide much-needed stretches of
quite time (often sorely absent in most busy families) where both the husband
and wife can relax and spend time together investing in their marriage. Obviously,
banning the weekly “girls night out” will not prove too effective if the wife
doesn’t actually enjoy being out with her girlfriends and prefers to spend a
quiet evening at home. It is essential for the husband to choose a consequence
that matches the offense and the personality of the wife.
Since this blog is devoted to unearthing and
understanding the secrets of successful old-fashioned marriages, the most
obvious old-fashioned (and unpleasant) consequence cannot be ignored. Have you
noticed how respectful and loving the partners in old fashioned marriages are
towards each other? Have you noticed how they speak kindly to each other? Have
you noticed how they seem to enjoy touching each other? How is that kind of
tolerance and desire possible when you can see that the individuals do annoying
things that would drive you crazy? If
you like a challenge and want to explore this further on your own, don’t
continue to read this post. Simply spend some time investigating why the couples
who claim to be old fashioned and have been married for decades still seem so
in-love and happy to be around each other, and you will likely learn something
that may shock you.
Many old fashioned marriages share one common
consequence for wives who disrespect or disobey their husbands: good, old
fashioned spanking. That’s right! The husband spanks his beloved wife as a
punishment for her choices and as a deterrent from repeating the behavior that threatens
the integrity of the marriage. This course of action has a politically correct
name: domestic discipline. In marital domestic discipline, the wife submits to
the authority of her husband, and accepts corporal punishment of his choosing
when her husband deems it necessary.
Isn’t this an outrage? What right does a
husband have to discipline his wife? Those are topics we will explore in other
posts, so we won’t digress now. Whether or not a husband is entitled to tan his
wife’s naughty, naked butt is not nearly as captivating an idea as the fact
that this “barbaric” act seems to serve as part of the superglue that keeps old
fashioned marriages together decades after the marriage vows were exchanged. If
spanking is one of the hidden secrets of strong marriages, then its time to
bring this secret out into the open for further analysis. What do you think?
Sounds interesting. I'm curious to see what you have to say about domestic discipline. Looking forward to the next post.
ReplyDeleteThanks, Pam. Feel free to browse this blog - you'll find a number of posts that deal with domestic discipline.
DeleteI find that if I spank my wife when she too bossy, defiant, disregarding of my leadership decisions, or argumentative, it quickly helps us BOTH (not just her) remember that we have very different roles to play in the marriage. For us, its not about me punishing her as much as it is about us hitting (by joint agreement) a "reset" button that puts us safely back into good marriage play.
ReplyDeleteYou are right, Rob1219. When a husband spanks his wife it does help them to refocus on their roles - he is reminded that he needs to act with authority and she is reminded that she is committed to submitting to her husband's authority.
DeleteWe agreed to DD in our marriage years ago. I spank my wife when she disrespects me, and she appreciates me doing that.
ReplyDeleteIt sounds like you have the punishment part of spanking worked out. Do you practice any of the other types of spanking in your marriage? (See http://oldfashionedmarriage.blogspot.com/2012/09/five-types-of-old-fashioned-marital.html for the different marital spanking types.)
DeleteHi I have recently started reading about Domestic Discipline and have come to believe in it although it is not part of our marriage at present but I wish it was (and I am the woman here) I have a really bad temper which I am prone to loose quite frequently and this leads to real division between us. I feel sometimes ( and my husband has sometimes said as much) that my outbursts for the want of a better word are very distructive and devisive. I have kind of talked around it but can't get any further with really coming out with it and telling my husband how I feel about DD. Each time I loose my temper I know even when the red mist is on me that I should be receiving a consequence and I never do. Its not that I want the pain or anything but this is really getting to me now and I just don't know what to do. Please can you offer me any advice.
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing your experience. DD does not work if both partners are not committed to it, but it can do amazing things to assist in repairing and rebuilding a struggling marriage. It's difficult to know exactly what will work for you and your husband without knowing you personally, so you do need to take that into consideration when you read this response. That said, why not start by honoring your husband (because in DD he is your head and leader) with an acknowledgement of what you wrote: admit to your husband that your temper is damaging to your relationship, and ask for his help in fixing the problem. Share with him what you have read so far, and ask him if he will join you in researching this topic further as you believe it has a chance to help your marriage. The earlier you get him on board in educating yourself about DD, the easier it will be to talk through the complex issues that choosing such a lifestyle can raise. DD at its heart is not about spanking - its about love and communication and respect. Respect and love your husband enough to involve him. Respect his decision if he refuses to research the topic with you. Your submission to him hinges on your choice to respect. Don't beg or nag or insist he come onboard - just share from your heart why it matters to you and invite him to help you submit and respect him. In the left column of this blog, you will find a section called "the husband's perspective". These are blogs written by the husbands in DD marriages. Encourage your husband to spend some time reading what other men have said about their messy marriages and what has helped to bring peace into the marriage. We will continue to explore more aspects of old fashioned marriage with our readers on this blog, so don't go away. Feel free to subscribe (by email or rss) so you and husband don't miss out on the learning process.
DeleteHi thanks so much for your kind words I am begining to realise that even the reasearch of this subject without involving my husband is a bit disrespectful because I go to lenghts to hide what I have been up to on the computer by deleting the history. We have a teenage son and the thing is I really don't think it is appropriate for him to read this stuff right now. Apart from my bad temper I feel we have a good marriage we disagree like any couple and I think as a woman I should have an opioion. What i have learned is that DD does not take that away but maybe I do to be more respectful. I honestly know its not all about spanking, and for a long time I have known that at times I have said and done things and that there should have been a consequence for my actions or words and there never really has been - I began to beleve that there was something wrong with me for thinking that way and then I came across a number of sites some were disgusting but then I found ones like this one that talks about the love respect and so on. As I said in my previous post this has got me - I supposed you could say hooked for the want of a better way of putting it. I am scared stiff of the spanking side - probably because I know if we did go for DD as a couple then it would surely be enivitable and probably sooner rather than later - help!! Yet despite that fear I can't help but be attracted to this (and not for the Pain) for a long time I have not wanted to be in control. My husband gives me quite a bit of responsibility but sometimes I just wish he would be in charge. I find I am making so many decisions even about little things - on a very odd occassion he dose put his foot down and I love it when he does - it jsut feels so right - I think I really am ready to completely submit to him.
ReplyDeleteOpinions on this may differ, but I don't believe you are alone amongst women when you say "it feels so right" when your husband takes the lead. I believe deep down women are hard-wired with this desire: to have their mate be the leader, protector, and provider. Likewise, men are hard-wired with a desire to lead their partners and that is part of why husbands become so frustrated with bossy wives. Submission is a journey, sometimes rough and rocky, but its a journey every wife must take if she is to enjoy the kind of fulfillment in marriage that she can experience. You will discover that as you take the first steps along that journey into CONSISTENT submission, you will be helping your husband take his first steps into CONSISTENT home leadership. I do encourage you to get your husband involved in researching DD. And if he isn't comfortable with including spanking in your marriage, put the spanking aside until he is ready for it. Help your husband focus on the responsibilities of the marriage roles rather than on spanking and punishment and rules. Your husband should have the freedom to choose whatever consequence he feels is appropriate when you do something that is damaging to your marriage, and spanking may not be what he chooses. If you are serious about becoming a consistently submissive wife (as opposed to submissive only when it is convenient), it won't matter what kind of consequence your husband chooses. What will matter is you being the best submissive wife you can be. Go for it! Give your husband the gift of your submission, and you will create the opportunity for him to bless you with his leadership.
Deletewhat you say really makes a lot of sense and yes I agree that a wife cannot be submissive just when she feels like it or it is more convenient My issue is how do I say what I have been reading and reasearching its is so awarkard I am just so nervous. Or could it be like what I feel as I am typing this that my first real act of submission would be to open up about what I am reading? I sat down to write this and that came to me just now, and I think that is really strange because that thought had not crossed my mind before. I think I get the bit about being submissive in the sense of leaving the consequences up to my husband rather than telling him what they should or could be. After all that would not really be submission at all! would it? Espically as I am fairly sure he is quite intelligent enough to be able to add things up, and remember our previous conversations - which while they didn't use the term Domestic Discipline (because it only since I found the sites that I kenw it existed)but they did talk about spanking as a punishment for some of the events and behaviours that I had done on occasions. Well its quite strange I had stuff in my head that I wanted to ask and write and somehow I think it has come out so much differently to what I thought it would but I think that is good in away. I am sure this just sounds so muddled and confused (please excuse my bad grammar and spelling - its had to correct it on this thing) I hope you don't mind me bouncing my thoughts of you I would love to have someone to talk to about all this but there is noone I know who is into this so sorry you are it tell me to buzz of if I am annoying or whatever and please be honest. Thanks again who knows maybe someone else may be thinking like me.
ReplyDeleteWriting our thoughts can be a great way to make sense of what we are learning. It seems to help clear away the fuzziness so we are left with what is most important. It sounds like that happened to you as you were writing. It also seems that you and your husband have already had brief chats about using spanking an a consequence so you are probably further along in the discovery process than many other couples seeking a more peaceful and satisfying marriage, but not sure where to start.
DeleteYes, it can be awkward to share your research if the focus is only on marital spanking. That's why its a good idea to get your husband to do the research with you. If you discover new things together, you can talk through each new revelation as it pops up. But still, how do get the conversation going?
Why not change the focus to what it really is all about? For a husband to be comfortable spanking his wife as a consequence for some wrong-doing, he must first recognize himself as having the authority to do that. His wife, too, must be accepting of her husband having this authority and setting rules for her. For both partners to get to where they can give or receive punishment like that, they must grow in their marital roles.
Why not invite your husband to explore traditional marriage roles with you? Explain how you desire to be more submissive to him, and ask for his help on your journey. Invite him to learn about submission with you. Ask for his opinion. Tell him what you have learned about being a submissive wife from reading online. Leave the discussion of spanking until you are BOTH ready to explore that, and instead focus on learning about your roles. You focus on how to grow more submissive, and encourage your husband to focus on developing and exercising his authority. The more you grow into your individual roles in the marriage, the easier it will be for both of you to accept and incorporate spanking as a consequence. There's a brand new blog added in the left hand column called The Improved Chauvinist - this blogger is a man who wants to help other husbands who are new to accepting their authority and leading their homes by sharing what he learned along the way. It may be helpful for your husband to follow that story as it unfolds.
Don't procratinate involving your husband in the learning process. Invite him to join you. Help him learn about his authority in the home and over you, and invite him to learn with you about your submission to him. And feel free to share your ideas through comments. We are all here to learn from each other.
I all ways been the give my all. To my mate in and out of bed. Never gave or will ever give phony love . Im all ways or was looking for the best way. To make a woman blow jucies hard. Or spoil her heart... Tell she lost in love. But my down fall. Was not wanting to be the bad guy. I will never beat a woman like she is a dude... But I will spank her ass red. Like she my child. From hear on out. For disrepect or bringing. A thought of me leaving her in my mind.... Yea grown women should not be spank. But I learn most black women did not have a dad. So you have to be the one to give harsh love. Be hind doors. To get control of child in your woman. I will never spank tell I try every thing. Not 2 but I promise if im push my next mate ass will be red. She will be made to take bath. When spanking over. I make sure she in pj and sent to bed for rest. Of night. At which point she will not get sex in any way for next 48 hours. Oh yea ill make my self suffer to prove point. If I catch her rubbing or toying her self. She wiill be spank again if she act like a adult. She would be treat as one. Was going to turn back on black women. For mental abuse. Not gone do that. Gods putting love back in my mind for them. I once had strong at the same time I understand what needs to be done. For a loving respectfull home. No matter the color of the woman. God puts me with
ReplyDelete