20 April 2012

What Makes for a Peaceful Home?

Respect. At the core of every peaceful home and happy marriage you will find respect. Respect is not something you have or an entity you can hold onto, like your marriage license. It’s quite simply the act of giving particular attention or holding in high regard. It’s something you DO. And if it’s not something that comes easily to you, all is not lost. Fortunately, respect is something you can learn to do.

What if you don’t respect your wife or husband? After all, some people just don't seem to deserve respect, right? Without respect, a marriage quickly degrades into bickering. Husbands start to whine about how their wives don’t respect them and always second-guess them. Wives nag, because they convince themselves that that their husbands don’t listen to them. The bickering, whining, and nagging becomes a slippery slope to occasional heated arguments. In time, if respect is left out of the relationship, the occasional insults and angry outbursts become a daily event. In no time, you wake up to find that your once happy marriage has evolved into a constant battle you would rather avoid.

Is it too late if my marriage is already a war zone? Respect is an act of our will, so you can introduce respect into your marriage today. The first step towards respecting your marriage partner is taken when you choose to put them ahead of yourself. Sound familiar? It should - that’s the choice of an unselfish person. Selfish folk always put themselves first. For selfish people, it’s always about what they want or what is good for them. To start the process of developing respect for your partner, ask yourself what he/she might want or what would be good for them. Then make the choice and initiate the act of GIVING them what is best for them. Not only will be you blessing your partner, but you will taking a step towards having the kind of peaceful marriage you long for.
Is a peaceful marriage attainable? It certainly is if you will be the courageous partner who takes the first step.


  1. Isn't this easier said that done? What about those marriages where one partner is kind and respectful, but the other grabs every opportunity to hurt and belittle them? How long should the unselfish partner take that kind of abuse?

    1. It certainly is not easy. If it was so effortless, showing respect would be more common. Haven't you noticed that few relationships seem to be characterized by respect? It is natural for us to be selfish - it takes no effort to put ourselves first. Its easier to belittle or criticize someone who has messed up, than it is to encourage them. It is easier to complain and do nothing, than it is to keep negative commentary to ourselves and simply do the right thing. To turn the tide and act selflessly, we have to invest effort. How long should we keep up this effort? I know this may sound frightening to someone who feels emotionally abused, but I believe we have to maintain the effort to respect our marriage partners "until death do us part".