Rule-breaking Hiccups

Frustration related to a marriage partner is not uncommon in marriage. It happens in good marriages and it happens in bad ones. (The difference is that the frustration is not neglected, but swiftly dealt with in a good marriage.) Frustration has a myriad of sources, some of which may seem trivial to someone outside that marriage. An emotionally frustrated spouse may feel as if he or she is not being listened to, that they are putting in effort that isn’t being recognized, that they alone are doing all the work to grow the marriage, that they are not worth the attention of their partner, or that all their effort is producing too few or no results.

 

Traditional marriage, like any other type of marriage, is not exempt from frustration, and both husbands and wives have to deal with it at some point. One common source of frustration for a wife in a traditional marriage, especially during the first few years of growing into the traditional marriage role, is the inconsistent handling of rule-breaking. When the husband puts a rule in place, he should communicate what the consequence will be if the rule is broken. If the wife breaks the rule, and realizes what she has done, she expects the promised consequence to follow.

 

What happens if the expected consequence does not follow? What happens if the husband doesn’t even seem to notice that the rule he insisted on having has been broken? Or imagine that the husband does notice (and the wife observes this), but he ignores the offense for reasons he doesn’t communicate to his wife.

 

The non-responsiveness of the husband typically elicits a chain of reaction from his eager-to-be-submissive wife:

 

1. If the husband is in the same room, the wife may actually respond physically by tensing up and catching her breath when she realizes she has crossed the line. If the realization comes a little later when she is alone, the reaction may not be so physically noticeable, but it will trigger the start of a period of anxiety. As she waits for her husband to speak about or act on the broken rule, her state of anxiety may expand to match the magnitude of the consequence she expects.

 

2. After an appreciable time has passed and the wife finally concludes that her husband either hasn’t noticed or doesn’t appear to care, she may initially feel relief. Facing an unpleasant consequence is stressful, and having that consequence vanish after an anxious wait can evoke a rush of soothing calm. (For wives who are expected to confess their offenses to their husbands, they may only feel relief after the confession.)

 

3. The relief is often short-lived. Anger and disappointment may follow quickly on the heels of relief. Faced with the unfairness of being subjected to a stressful waiting period for no apparent reason, the wife may feel that anger (or at least some measure of irritation) is justified. Disappointment may flow from making the situation too personal - in the midst of the emotion she feels, the wife may convince herself that her husband doesn’t care as much about the marriage and her as she previously thought, simply because he didn’t notice what she did wrong or care enough to say or do something, if he did notice.

 

4. Uncertainty or confusion about the rule and its importance in the marriage follows. The wife is understandably confused by why her husband would make a rule that he himself does not respect enough to remember or defend. It’s not that she wants to experience the consequence that was promised - she probably dreads it - but the consequence brings some closure to the event which has (by this time) taken up a substantial amount of the wife’s thought life. Without the closure, the memory of the broken rule just gets pushed aside as unfinished business. If it takes substantial effort for the wife to obey the rule, it flies in the face of logic to continue to observe the rule if the husband behaves in a way which communicates that the rule is unimportant. Her previously clear expectations of the consequences for breaking the rule are now clouded by uncertainty. The husband's response to the rule-breaking is his opportunity to exercise his authority - by responding with no words or action, the husband is sending a subtle message that he is unable or unwilling to exercise his authority.

 

If the husband continues to repeat this behavior (of disregarding consequences that he put in place), his wife’s frustration will grow as her confidence dwindles.  The wife’s frustration will gradually breed disrespect for the house rules and eventually for the husband’s authority. The end result? A husband who doesn’t feel respected, a wife who feels her submission has been a wasted effort, and a home and marriage in which the harmony and co-operation is eroding.

Lady in Red

Disrespect. Rebellion. Disregard for the rules. Disobedience. Neglect. Dishonesty. If the wife pleads guilty to any of these domestic crimes, what is to be her punishment? Or is there no punishment at all?  Are these just tragedies of modern marriage that should be ignored, and not in-home misbehavior that must be addressed? The wisdom of yesteryear suggests a remedy. It calls for a domestic reward for such behaviors that many modern husbands are afraid to even consider: the marital spanking.

Brainwashed by conventional wisdom, husbands have come to believe that when a man raises his hand against his wife, it is the most barbaric form of abuse, and cannot qualify as anything else. Afraid to be labelled an abusive husband, husbands brush aside the advice from the older generation. They tolerate the chaos in their homes. They bow to the leadership of their wives. They lose their self-esteem. They seek solace elsewhere and trade shallow affairs for the sanctity of marriage. They avoid coming home to their overbearing wives. Marriages grind their way through the sausage machine of divorce court. Lives of adults and children are minced up as husbands choose to abandon the wisdom of old as a sacrifice to please unnamed strangers who really don't care.

Consider domestic chaos: a home lacking in harmony, where a husband and wife yell at each other, where respect is absent, where loving encouragement is replaced by hurtful comments. What if you were given one chance to change that? What if your wife said she would do anything you wanted for one hour to help you change the home environment from Crazy Land to Peace and Harmony. What would you do with that hour? Would you be frozen on the spot, overwhelmed by the weight of the decision? Would you act quickly and take advantage of your wife's co-operation? What would you as the husband do?

If you are short on generating your own creative ideas, you might decide to call in a wise old man who has lived the married life and survived to tell the tale. Oh, the stories he could tell. When asked what he would do with the hour that will change things forever, he might say something like this:

Young man, your wife wants to be married to a man, not a mouse. Act like a man. Don't waste your precious hour debating your plans. Execute them. Your wife has given you a priceless gift of her absolute co-operation for one hour, so don't squander this gift. Take your beautiful bride by the hand and lead her to the sofa. Sit down and pull her down over your lap. That's right - over your lap. You need her to be safely positioned so you don't harm her, and having her bottom in full view lets you keep her safe. Tell her that she is about to get her first spanking from you, and that it is to help her mark the end of an era never to be repeated in your home. Emphasize your statement with a few well placed smacks on her upturned rear end. She will probably be protesting by this stage. Tell her she needs to be quiet and listen, because you are going to be telling her some very important things that she won't want to miss or forget.

Raise her skirt or lower her pants so her underwear is exposed. The extra layer of clothing will afford her too much protection and muffle your communication. She will hear more when there is less between your hand and her buttocks. Continue telling her what the new phase in your marriage will be like as you swat her pantied behind. She may be yelling or squirming by this stage, but don't let that deter you. After about five minutes, lower her panties. This is for her own safety. Feel free to explain that to her. You don't want to unnecessarily harm your wife, so you need to know the condition that her bottom is in. Her bottom needs to be exposed for you to make this judgment. Keep the spanking rhythmic and balanced: left, right, left, right... and for variety, throw the occasional swat across the middle of her globes, which she may be clenching tightly at this stage in the hope of alleviating some of the sting. Keep speaking in a soft, soothing voice. Raise your volume a little if she is making a lot of noise. Don't be too restrictive about the noise she makes. After all, this is all new to your wife and she will be feeling a little panicked. Give her some space to express herself.

Keep spanking, even when she begs you to stop, when she calls you an abusive beast, when she starts promising to be good, when she threatens to divorce you. You have an important message to share with her, and you cannot let her distract you from that. Her bottom will go through a variety of color changes. At first it will blush a little, then the blush will darken into a rose glow. The rosiness will eventually transform into a deep red. Her emotions will also go through various stages. She may start off co-operative, become more vocal and resistant as the sting builds up, perhaps become angry and commanding, and eventually her resistance should dissolve. She may cry as she accepts her fate and surrenders to you.

Expect these stages, and don't let them rattle you. Will the spanking hurt your wife? It surely will, but the pain will fade quite quickly after the spanking ends. Will it hurt you more than it hurts her? Probably not, but your hand will be pretty sore before you are done. Remember that this spanking is not about causing your wife pain. It is about inviting in a new era in your home: one where peace will reign because you have the courage to take the leadership of your home seriously. This spanking is your chance to get your wife's full attention so you can tell her how your new home and this new phase in your marriage will work. You've been thinking about how you want to lead for a long time now, so your speech is well rehearsed. This is your chance to share your vision with your wife without her cutting you off or stomping on your ideas. Be bold and talk - you only have one hour. If you communicate your ideas carefully, one swat at a time, you should end up with a wife who shares your excitement about changing your marriage and who will look at you through new eyes. That spanking will earn you a few respect points you never had before, so use them wisely. Will you need to spank your wife again? Perhaps. Time will tell. But if it is needed again, you will know what to do.