Red Hot Valentine's Day Spanking

Red. The color of passion and love. Red. Evidence of a husband's firm hand on his wife's bare bottom. Red.

 

Why wait? Husbands, be bold and add a spanking to your other Valentine's Day plans. Do it before the end of the day, so there is plenty of time for both of you to think about what the spanking communicates before you are visited by the sandman. If your lovely wife is unlikely to appreciate hot red in the spirit of the moment, you may want to consider warm pink on this special occasion. Place your sweetheart over your lap and deliver a pleasantly toasty reminder that boldly says that you are her husband, leader, protector, and passionate lover. Take it slowly and clearly express your gratitude for your wife's willingness to submit to you. Her submission is her daily gift to you, so use this special opportunity to acknowledge her gift and reciprocate with your own gift of authority.

 

A spanking may seem like an odd gift to give on a day that is dedicated to love, yet when given outside of the confines of discipline or sexual foreplay, a spanking has the capacity to communicate your love for each other in a way that a box of chocolates never will. All wrapped up in a spanking of this nature you will find trust, intimacy, caring, dedication, commitment, loyalty, touch, and giving.

 

Red. Or pink. Add your favorite color to your celebration today.

 

Happy Valentine's Day!

Spanked to Match Santa's Suit

The Christmas season  is the time for giving generously. It is also a stressful time for many wives and mothers as they prepare to host family gatherings and anticipate the many hours they must spend in the kitchen. Add to that last minute shopping, crazy traffic, attending school concerts, seasonal charity work, the mountain of gifts that need wrapping, and all the other extra tasks that come with a time of celebration. The result is a truck load of stress for the lady of the house.

 

Husbands can play a big role in soothing the stressful countdown to Christmas. In fact, I would go as far as saying it is their responsibility to ensure a stress overload does not occur. Unchecked stress can spill over into the home and create an environment that is hostile and prone to dampen any holiday cheer.

 

So what is a husband to do to help his wife unwind when tensions mount?

 

As the husband, you simply need to play the role of Santa. Does that require the obligatory red suit, white beard, and big belly? No, although many men who have weathered a few Christmas seasons seem to already acquired the belly. What you need most is the heart of a Santa. You must want to give something good to your wife. And then you need to actually progress beyond that desire. You need to give that good gift to her.

 

And what might that good "something" be? Being old fashioned in my ways, I cannot help but suggest the gift of a good, old fashioned spanking, of course.

 

Now, you will have to make a few changes to the way you might play the role of Santa at the shopping mall or at your church Christmas party. No, your wife won't be sitting on your knee and whispering her secret desires into your ear. You will confidently put her over your knee with her bottom raised high. She may protest a little (especially if you waited too long to put your idea into action) - assure her that she is not being punished. You will let her know that you appreciate all she is doing to make your family's celebration wonderful, and that you want to help her relax after all her efforts. You will rub her back, and caress her bottom, and let her talk some of her tension away. And then you will spank the rest away.

 

Bare her bottom. Start slowly. Be gentle, but firm. This is not a punishment. You are helping your wife relax. Spank lightly until her skin shows some color. Spank harder, but continue to spank slowly. Take your time. Treat this the same way you would treat a sensual massage. If your wife is tolerant of harder spankings, introduce a favorite implement like a wooden spoon or a light paddle. Talk to your wife as you spank her. Express your appreciation. Remind her that you love her. Tell her how much you enjoy helping her relax. And watch her body language. The back and thigh muscles lock in tension. As the spanking encourages tension release, you should see your wife's back and thighs relax. Ask questions. Listen to her voice. Use the tension in her voice and the tightness of her muscles as an indicator of when to stop spanking. A long, relaxing spanking should leave your wife comfortably draped across your lap with her bare bottom tender and blushed a deep red. Some women release tension with tears, so don't be afraid of seeing your wife cry. Finish the spanking with gentle caressing and an unrushed cuddle.

 

Give your wife the gift of stress-relieving and tension-busting spankings this Christmas. Spank generously and spank often throughout the season, and you probably won't need to go spoil the fun with any unpleasant disciplinary action. Choose to fill your home with peace and harmony this Christmas. Make it a place everyone wants to be. Make the effort to match your wife's bare bottom to Santa's suit, and you will help create a Christmas experience (and perhaps a tradition) that your wife will enjoy as much as you do.

Punishment for Silence

Effective communication between spouses is characteristic of a growing marriage. But what happens when the lines of communication get tangled or cut? Should a wife's failure to communicate with her husband be a punishable offense? And what if the husband is guilty of shutting his wife out? Since the wife in a traditional marriage does not discipline her husband, is there anything she can do to help her husband avoid the urge to distance himself?

 

When deciding what is or is not a punishable offense, it is important to take a careful look at why the rules and consequences are in place? For many couples, the marriage rules protect the marriage and the harmony in the home. Choices and behaviors that pose a threat to the integrity of the marriage or the peace in the home are generally off-limits. Venturing into these off-limits zones will invite punishment.

 

Communication is the life blood of the marriage. What if one partner cuts off that "blood" flow? Does this not threaten the health of the marriage? A husband or wife that puts up walls (consciously or subconsciously) between themself and their partner is indeed putting the marriage at risk. A little silence may seem small-scale and insignificant on the surface, but shutting your partner out of your thoughts and feelings inevitably begins the process of eroding trust. A marriage without trust is a skyscraper without a solid foundation, destined for disaster.

 

Is it wise to put in place a rule that governs avoidance of communication?

 

Communication works best when done regularly. Regular communication is, however, challenged when one partner finds themself battling with an issue that is not easy to grasp or talk about. It is not uncommon for the person experiencing this inner turmoil to withdraw deep into themselves. The solitude creates a "quite space" where it is possible to process thoughts and emotions that are initially difficult to put into words. Retreating into this "quiet space" can be a healthy way to make sense of what is causing the inner unrest. Many people use this visit to their "quiet space" to explore their feelings and seek out the words to explain what they are experiencing. Staying in this "quite space" for too long can, however, have a negative effect. Getting stuck in that "inner cave" means you leave your loved ones on the outside, confused and uncertain of what is happening to you. The self-absorption overwhelms everything else, and it becomes easy to justify neglecting your partner or your responsibilities to your family and the home. Lurking alone inside yourself for too long is dangerous for the marriage, and a rule is a good way to steer clear of dangerous situations.

 

A clearly stated marriage rule can function as an escape hatch, providing a way to turn your back on unhealthy self-absorption. People come in all models, and cover the communication spectrum from talker to non-talker, so there is no generic rule that applies to everyone. Each couple needs to take their own personalities and communication skills into account when setting up their rule. In its simplest form, the rule should set a limit on how long the partner can remain in their individual "quiet space" before the couple needs to start working on the issue as a team. Part of the power of a marriage is the availability of joint resources to aid the problem-solving process. Working together not only expands the personal toolbox of "fix it" gadgets so you find and apply the solution faster, it also strengthens trust and brings the couple closer together. 

 

What happens when this rule about keeping the communication lines open is broken?

 

When setting up the rule, a couple should decide on the consequence for breaking the rule. If spanking is part of the relationship, it can be employed as a consequence. A husband may offer his wife the consequence of a punishment spanking if she resists returning from her self-focused retreat and avoids engaging in the process of sharing her thoughts and concerns. This may seem insensitive and unkind, especially if the wife is dealing with deep, emotional issues. But recognizing that extended periods of self-absorption can be unhealthy for the wife and for the marriage should provide the motivation that the husband needs to create and enforce this rule. Should the time limit apply to the husband, too? His withdrawal can be just as damaging to himself and the marriage as his wife's withdrawal would be. Yet his wife does not have the authority to punish him as he can punish her for putting the marriage at risk. Should the husband then be exempt from the rule and the expectations placed on the wife?

 

A wife's greatest gift she has to offer her husband is her submission. This is as true when he is a selfless leader as it is when he becomes self-absorbed and selfish. The following may seem grossly unfair to the wife, but chew on it for a while before you spit it out. Consider an approach that may nudge you out of your comfort zone, especially if you do not already have similar consequences in your marriage. Consider keeping the consequence the same irrespective of which partner breaks the rule.

 

If the husband fails to open the channels of communication after he has had time for inner reflection, he has the responsibility to give his wife a spanking neither of them will enjoy. This would not be a punishment spanking for the wife, since she has not broken the rule. It would be an act of submission on her part - a gift to her husband in much the same spirit as he gives to her when he punishes her for the sake of the marriage - and the unpleasant consequence would fall most heavily on the shoulders of the husband. His punishment would not be in receiving a spanking - it would be in giving it when his wife is innocent of the offense.

 

By giving the spanking, the husband's leadership and authority, and all the responsibility that goes with serving his family as the leader, is placed under the spotlight. In carrying out his duty to spank his wife knowing she does not deserve the spanking, he is reminded that he is still the leader, even if he doesn't have it all figured out yet. He is refocused on the value of his marriage, as he witnesses how his wife treasures their marriage enough to accept an undeserved spanking to protect it. His failure to observe his own rule results in his wife bearing his physical punishment. Having someone else pay the price for our errors is a humbling experience. This spanking would serve as a reminder that the consequences for the mistakes of a leader are seldom his own to bear - his followers, those who trust him to protect them, often pay the price on his behalf.

Overcoming Avoidance Behavior

In "Why Husbands Hesitate" the emotional turmoil behind a husband's avoidance behavior was explored. Husbands desire respect, they want to be honored as the leader in the home, yet when they are not, they often do nothing. When the wife challenges her husband's authority, it evokes powerful emotions in the husband. Many husbands bottle these emotions and become resentful over time, blaming the declining quality of the marriage on their wife's controlling nature. Some husbands respond by throwing temper tantrums and then wonder why their wives called them "immature" and respect them even less. Few husbands stand up to the challenge, and take action to correct and remind their wives that they (the husbands) are still in charge.

The exploration of  "Why Husbands Hesitate" revealed that it is not uncommon for husbands to decide their response based on what they are feeling at the time. Husbands may respond in the one extreme by losing their temper or in the other extreme by giving their wife the silent-treatment, but few actually do anything about the behavior that is so offensive and damaging to their relationship. Why the classic avoidance behavior on the part of the husbands?  Many husbands simply don't feel "good enough" to correct their wives. They pass the offensive situation (e.g. their wife speaking disrespectfully to them; their wife disobeying house rules, etc.) through the filter of fairness and come to the conclusion that they are not "better" than their wives, and so cannot justify correcting their wives.

 

How is a husband who feels like he would be a hypocrite for correcting his wife going to exercise his authority or handle threats to his authority within his home?

 

As old-school as this sounds in a time when men and women are equally free to "be emotional" whenever it suits them, men have to stop being so emotional when it comes to leadership. To act when you don't feel qualified or justified in doing so, you must remove or at least distance yourself from the "feeling" aspect of the situation. Does this mean you cannot acknowledge what you feel? Do you have to pretend to feel nothing? Absolutely not. Suppressed emotion can lead to frustration or stress-related health problems. Certainly acknowledge and express your emotions, but do not be controlled by them. Feeling inadequate or "not good enough" to correct or discipline your wife is something you might as well get used to. It goes hand-in-hand with being an earthling. If you are human, you will make judgment errors, you will do stupid things (hopefully not often) you regret, and you will feel like a fraud for spanking your wife when she doesn't measure up.

 

It is all well and good to say "take the emotion out of it", but how does a husband actually accomplish this emotional castration when his confidence has been rattled and he doesn't feel up to the task? His wife may be yelling at him, telling him he is an idiot, speaking to him as if he is a child, or blatantly doing the opposite of what he has asked of her. How can he bypass all he feels in that moment and act in a way that helps his wife stop her destructive behavior?

 

Quite simply, the husband must pre-determine his response. He must decide long before his wife crosses the line what he will do when the line is crossed. The consequence must be set before it is ever needed. A husband and wife should discuss what is good or bad for their marriage, and agree on suitable consequences for damaging behavior. Ultimately, the husband bears the responsibility for setting the boundaries.

Once the husband has decided where the lines are and what the consequences will be, he needs to share this specific information with his wife so she knows what to expect and what is expected of her. These lines (or boundaries created by rules) should not be arbitrarily chosen based on emotion, but should be boundaries that protect the harmony in the marriage. Boundaries are not about stroking the ego of the husband, but rather function to create a healthy environment for growth in the marriage.

 

In the heat of the moment, when the husband's authority is being threatened, his confidence is crushed, and he is loath to do anything about it, he cannot afford to act based on what he feels. He has to carry out the plan created by the very boundaries he put in place.

 

Husbands who set boundaries for their homes create a safe environment in which the couple can grow. A husband who reacts to challenges as a guardian of his marriage doesn't have to fear that his emotions will keep him from doing his duty. He will correct his wife irrespective of how flawed he judges himself to be, because it won't have anything to do with feelings or his own sense of worth. If a punishment spanking was the consequence decided upon before the line was crossed, then a punishment spanking is what must follow the crossing of the line. The husband will deliver that punishment spanking because that is what the pre-determined consequence is for the particular offense, and not because his wife is worthy of his judgement. Old fashioned husbands are not cold and emotionless. They feel it all, but they do what needs to be done anyway.

Why Husbands Hesitate

"Men" and "emotions" are seldom used in the same sentence. Even in modern society where it is now acceptable for men to cry in public and do other  "emotional things" that were once assigned to the realm of women, we still don't think of men as emotional creatures. Yet men do battle emotions from time to time. And the emotions have the same potential to hinder the growth of a marriage as when women let their emotions interfere with their choice to submit to their husbands.

Perhaps the one occasion when husbands experience emotion (often kept well hidden under the surface) quite profoundly is when their authority in the home is challenged. What goes through the mind of a husband when he recognizes that his wife has crossed the line? Is anger the only reaction to having his buttons pushed? Few husbands will punish out of anger, and many husbands will walk away pretending that the challenge to their authority never actually happened. What keeps a husband from acknowledging his wife's disrespect and dealing with it so he reduces the chance of such behavior recurring?

Consider that a wife who crosses the line, who disregards her husband's authority, may possibly be evoking one or many of the following reactions in her husband without even realizing it:

1. He feels disrespected by his wife.

2. He is disappointed in his wife.

3. He feels hurt that his wife would treat him this way.

4. He feels apprehension upon realizing that he should correct his wife.

5. He feels inadequate or under-qualified to make an issue of the offense, as he recognizes his own imperfections are significant when held up against his wife's offense.

Why do husband's hesitate to deal with a wife's disrespect or disobedience? When all the emotions have boiled down, the husband may realize he would be a hypocite for punishing his wife when he makes mistakes all the time. Instead of taking the emotion out of the situation, the husband who hesitates or who totally avoids dealing with his wife straying from submission often does so in response to his own emotions. He allows how he feels (oh-so-human and filled with imperfections) to determine his reaction. He subconsciously concludes that it would be unfair to punish his wife for her lack of submission when he is not the perfect leader. So he does nothing. Is it surprising that his wife's disrespect for him grows?

The hesitant husband may justify his lack of action on the grounds of fairness. He may whine and complain that his wife is growing more bossy by the day. He may mutter under his breath about how disrespectful she is. He may even express anger at her lack of submission. But until he does the old fashioned "manly" thing of separating his emotions, how he feels, from what needs to be done, he will never experience the fulness of a marriage where he confidently leads and his wife graciously submits.

The Modern Woodshed

According to the Urban Dictionary, the "woodshed" is an allusion to being corporally punished, where the victim would be sent to the woodshed to await his punisher. The woodshed was a popular location, because it was remote from the rest of the home (affording the punished a little privacy), and there was abundant material there for fashioning a paddle or a switch. The Merriam-Webster Dictionary defines the woodshed as a place, means, or session for administering discipline.

 

Woodsheds are not too abundant in modern cities and towns that are powered by electricity and gas. Not many city dwellers have even see an old fashioned woodshed complete with wood piles, a wooden workbench, and a saw horse or two. The proverbial "trip to the woodshed" is now an archaic term. Should it be? Should a "trip to the woodshed" be an almost forgotten part of our history, or does it still have a place in an old fashioned modern marriage?

 

A husband that takes a firm lead will inevitably have to draw the line or lay down some home rules for his wife. If she crosses the line in disobedience or defiance, it falls on the husband to do what is necessary to restore respect for his authority and those rules. While a punishment administered by the husband may occur very rarely, the necessity for it from time to time cannot be overlooked. In the absence of a physical shed in the backyard, what is a husband to use as the "woodshed" and why should he even bother to have one?

 

Having a defined place for a punishment spanking to take place can help both the husband and wife prepare for the punishment.

 

Facing a punishment spanking that he must administer is intimidating for any husband who is relatively new to marital spanking. He may be torn between knowing he must do what he promised to do, and his sincere dislike for causing his wife any pain. On a head level, he may know that a short period of pain now may help his wife become more submissive and respectful in the long term, but that doesn't make it any easier to be the one to provide his wife with the painful experience. The husband may feel his confidence wavering, suddenly aware that his wife may vehemently resist his attempt to punish her. He may feel ill-equipped to handle that kind of resistance given his experience, especially if he is already tempted to avoid the punishment. He may be teetering on the edge of backing down and giving in to the urge to cancel the punishment. He may be considering all the reasons he isn't good enough to be judging and finding his wife guilty of wrong-doing. He may be battling a deep sense of hypocrisy for even entertaining the thought of punishing his beautiful bride.

 

It not only the husband who finds the countdown to a punishment to be an extremely uncomfortable time. Facing a punishment spanking is a frightening experience for the wife. She will be battling different emotions and may find it hard to focus on how the discipline will enrich her marriage. There may be the fear of the pain she is about to experience.  If never punished before, the wife may be terrified of the unknown. Disappointment in herself for letting her husband down may battle for the wife's attention. She may feel guilt over what she did to deserve the punishment. She may be angry with herself for her mistake, or angry with her husband for being prepared to punish her. She may be dwelling on how unfair it is for her  husband to discipline her, when he is far from perfect himself. The resentment this causes may be welling up within her with some considerable force. She may find herself reliving the memory of her mistake over and over again. She may be struggling to even consider surrendering to the punishment - submission may be the last thing she wants to offer her husband. She may even be trying to think up counter-arguments that she can use to talk her husband out of punishing her.

 

How can having a "woodshed", a designated place to give and receive a punishment spanking, help to prepare the husband and the wife for a very unpleasant, but necessary, experience?

 

A "woodshed" gives the husband a place to send his wife to when it is decided that a punishment spanking is necessary. In many ways, having this fixed destination makes the matter final. Once the wife is sent to the "woodshed", the option to back out of the punishment is removed for both partners, and with it much of the anxiety that goes with indecision. If the wife enters the "woodshed" ahead of her husband, she will have some time alone to focus her thoughts knowing she doesn't have to invest any effort into trying to avoid the punishment. The husband can use the same time on his own to plan the punishment. While there is a place for spontaneity in the process, planning the punishment spanking will help boost the husband's confidence.

 

What kind of "woodsheds" do modern couples have access to?

 

For many couples, the "woodshed" is their bedroom. For some, though, the thought of using the bedroom for punishments seems wrong. Their concerns seem to center on the fact that using the bedroom for such an unpleasant and painful experience may have a negative effect on their perception of the bedroom as place of peaceful rest and pleasurable intimacy. These couples may choose a study, home office, or den as their "woodshed". The bathroom, already subconsciously associated with privacy and the cleansing process, is also a favorite. Particularly for couples with children, an outbuilding or garage works well. Those fortunate enough to have a property with substantial grounds and plenty of privacy may choose a particular spot in the garden to serve as their open-air "woodshed". 

 

If a couple has chosen an old fashioned marriage, then a "woodshed", which helps to take a lot of unnecessary anxiety out of the punishment process, should be decided on. Irrespective of whether the husband chooses the "woodshed" or the couple decides on the venue as a team, the "woodshed" should be chosen before any punishment is ever necessary. Knowing that a  "woodshed" exists is a good reminder for both husband and wife that punishment spankings are not fairytale threats, but a real possibility. Having this sense of certainty can encourage both husband and wife to take their marital roles seriously and avoid the "trip to the woodshed" at all costs.

Ten Reasons to Fear the Label of Submissive Wife

Have you ever been called names? Has anyone ever labelled you with a negative tag? Sadly, many women dread the label of "submissive wife". Instead of being a worthy badge of honor that all wives should strive to claim as their own, this label has become feared. Why do so many women run from the challenge of submitting to their husbands? Many proudly proclaim that they will NEVER allow their husbands to tell them what to do, or permit the husbands to make decisions on their behalf. They explain that they believe in equality, and that a man shouldn't lead the woman. Then they justify their stance by explaining that they really are better at leadership than their husbands are, that they are more intelligent, more confident, more... in effect, these ladies justify why THEY (and not their husbands) are the boss in the home.

 

What scares the average woman when she thinks of trying to explore a more traditional marriage? Do your own poll amongst the ladies you know. You may be amazed to hear the reasons that many women cling to. Below is a short list of some of the fears that evidence themselves as a resistance to becoming submissive in a marriage.

 

It is believed that if you are a submissive wife, then:

 

1. You will not be allowed to think for yourself. You will never make any decisions in your marriage, and your ideas will always be disregarded.

 

2. You will forfeit your freedom and be told by your husband what to do and when to do it for the rest of your married life. Your life will be scheduled for you, as it once was when you were a toddler.

 

3. You will eventually lose the physical ability to think and decide for yourself, leaving yourself vulnerable and incapable of looking after yourself should your husband leave you through death or divorce.

 

4. You will be required to obey any command your husband gives, even if you disagree or fear that the command will compromise your safety.

 

5. You will be punished for disobeying your husband, and he will have full control (within the bounds of the law) over the punishment he chooses to administer. He can ground you, keep you from talking to your family and friends, limit your time on the internet, or give you extra chores to do. He can even spank your naked bottom if he so chooses.

 

6.  You will end up doing all the chores in the house, while your husband will lie on the couch and issue orders. In essence, you will become a maid who cooks and cleans and serves your husband.

 

7. You will not be allowed to have or express an opinion. You will only be allowed to express your husband's opinion (if he allows you to speak).

 

8. You will have to suppress your real self in order to become the woman your husband expects you to be. Your whole personality will change, and it will be especially traumatic for high-spirited, strong-willed women who don't naturally lean towards submission.

 

9. You will be ridiculed by other women for being weak and easily manipulated by a man. Other people judge us by the roles we take on, and submissive wives are judged as being weak and unable to function without a man to tell her what to do.

 

10. You will learn to hate your marriage and your husband. Feeling trapped and unfulfilled are part of the life of a submissive wife.

 

 

Five Types of Old Fashioned Marital Spankings

Was spanking really part of the marriages of yesteryear? Haven't you wondered if it's just an urban legend or a shadow of a dark fairytale? It may be difficult to believe that husbands spanking their wives was once an accepted practice given our modern world where equality reins. But, a little reading into the history of the last century will confirm it. Imagine your sweet, quiet dad throwing your opinionated, strong-willed mom over his knee and giving her a sound spanking for disrespecting him. Perhaps that's a little more than your imagination can tolerate? If it wasn't happening with your parents and grandparents, you can be sure it was happening in other marriages just a few short decades ago.

But why, you may ask, was the pop of yesteryear spanking the mom? Back then, spankings were given for a variety of reasons. Those reasons are not too different from what you will hear reported by couples practising domestic discipline today. The reasons why a husband might administer a spanking to his wife fall into a number of broad categories. The following is not intended to be an exhaustive list of the types of marital spankings, and readers are encouraged to suggest additional categories we may have overlooked:

1. Punishment Spankings

The husband is the leader and has the authority to make and defend the rules of the home. If he believes his wife is being dishonest, or choosing to disobey or defy him, and that this behavior needs to change, he may choose to punish his wife as a means to modify her behavior. A physical form of punishment like spanking should be agreed upon before it becomes necessary to administer such punishment. The wife must give her consent to a punishment spanking - it is not forced upon her. This consent should be given long before any punishment is ever necessary, and the husband should hold the wife accountable for granting that consent. Punishment spankings tend to be the most painful spankings delivered by the husband, and are usually not commonplace. You are unlikely to find a wife who actually derives pleasure from being punished with a spanking.

2. Tension-Relieving Spankings

When the tension in a home mounts, it becomes difficult for the husband to lead and the wife to submit. Unresolved tension leads to short tempers, bickering, acts of disrespect and selfishness, and a gradual breakdown of the authority of the husband and submissive state-of-mind of the wife. A husband may choose to address the presence of tension with the physical act of spanking his wife. This often proves more effective than trying to talk through issues when both partners are uptight and stressed out. Stressed out people often struggle to talk about their bottled up feelings, so it makes sense to relieve stress before trying to talk. The physical nature of administering a spanking helps the husband relax in much the same way as taking other exercise might relax him. Going for a jog, however, is usually only beneficial to the runner. The downside of going for a jog (which is certainly a healthy way to exercise) is that it does nothing for enhancing the husband's confidence as the leader in the home. By rather administering a spanking, the husband is helping himself rise to the challenge of leadership (and growing his confidence), unwinding through the physical act of spanking (ask any husband who has delivered a long spanking - it is physically demanding work), while also helping his wife relax. A slow-paced, light to moderately intense spanking may have a similar therapeutic effect for the wife to that experienced when receiving a back massage. A spanking that is more intense and which brings the wife to tears may prove even more relaxing for her. For many women, weeping is an effective way to relieve tension. It may be difficult for a woman to get to the point of weeping on her own, particularly if she has been bracing herself to handle the extra stress for an extended period of time. A long, hard spanking can help a strong, very controlled woman with a high pain-threshold to cry, and ultimately to relax.

3. Refocusing Spankings

Long work hours, too many commitments, and the general busy-ness of life can distract the husband and wife from their roles in the marriage. The more the husband and wife drift away from the traditional roles, the more generic their roles become. Eventually their non-traditional roles will no longer be distinct. They will share the leadership authority. The focus will shift to equal workloads and equality in bearing responsibility. In time, the marriage will lose a leader, and the sexual chemistry between the partners will fade. Opposites attract, but generic marriage roles produce "similars". The husband becomes a quazi-wife and the wife becomes a semi-husband. A couple that once represented "husband" and "wife" now begins to represent "spouse" and "spouse" (which is definitely a recipe for putting out the sexual fire). When either or both of the spouses recognize that this role drift is happening, a refocusing spanking can be the ideal solution. Such a spanking is not punishment for a naughty wife, and it is not tension-relief for an overworked husband. The couple may be feeling no tension in their relationship. Rather, they may be feeling more distant from each other. A refocusing spanking reminds the husband that he is the leader and that he has the responsibility of authority in the home. It reminds the wife that her role is to submit to her husband, lovingly and respectfully. The intensity of refocusing spankings may vary from one spanking to the next. Refocusing spankings of extended duration are best - they give the couple plenty of time to think about their roles while each partner is acting out a representation of their role: the husband spanks and demonstrates his authority, while the wife submits and accepts the spanking her husband gives her.

4. Maintenance Spankings

Maintenance spankings are spankings administered at regular intervals. For some couples, these spankings occur daily. Others prefer one maintenance spanking per week, or spankings delivered with much longer intervals. As the name suggests, these spanking help "maintain" the integrity of the marriage roles. Much like refocusing spankings, but perhaps more deliberate and less spontaneous, maintenance spankings help to regularly remind the husband that he is in charge and the wife that she is to submit to the husband. Some couples use the maintenance spankings as an opportunity to address other issues with the result that a punishment spanking may follow a maintenance spanking from time to time. Because maintenance spankings are always scheduled and regular, they can help ensure that couples set aside time to talk and be intimate (important elements for relationship growth).

5. Fun Spankings

Purists of the domestic discipline school of thought dissociate pleasure from pain. They believe that spankings are purely for the purpose of punishment and should never be enjoyed by the spanker or the spankee. These folk frown upon fun spankings. But even amongst the purists, few will deny that spanking does have an erotic element to it. This erotic side may be completely blanked out during an unpleasant, but necessary punishment. But even with a punishment spanking which is not sexual in nature, many people report feeling more attracted to their spouse in the hours after the punishment. Even a non-fun punishment spanking can have long-term "fun" effects that encourage pleasure sharing during intimacy. Fun spanking, however, have no element of punishment to them. Any man with a healthy libido should enjoy the sight of his wife's body. Having your wife's naked or panty-covered bottom under your hand can indeed be arousing, and even more so when this tactile sensation is accompanied by the slapping sound of flesh on flesh, and the sight of skin beginning to glow.  Because spankings help to emphasize the marriage roles, they tend to encourage a greater sense of attraction between the husband and wife. A fun spanking can easily be incorporated as a form of foreplay which then leads to deeper levels of intimacy. A fun spanking can be as simple as a few swats on your wife's clothed behind as she washes the dishes (and you dry them, of course). It can be carefully planned and complemented by sensual lighting and special clothing choices. It can spontaneous - grab your wife as she emerges dripping wet from the shower, pull her over your knee, and add some rosiness to her wet bottom. The bottom line is that fun spankings are entirely enjoyable and are not meant to correct behavior. They should not induce excessive pain, but should be pleasurable for the wife and the husband. A husband should always ensure that the wife knows when a spanking is only for fun. It is important to make this clear at the outset so she can also enjoy the fun. If she is left wondering what she did wrong to earn a stinging, wet-bottom spanking, she might be entirely submissive but with her thoughts far from the intimate playtime that the husband envisaged.

A husband may spank his wife for reasons only they as a couple will comprehend. Domestic discipline is a very personal choice for a couple. It takes courage to go against the norms of modern society, and do something that you believe will enhance your marriage. Domestic discipline can enrich a marriage, but not everyone will agree with that viewpoint. Whether a husband gives his wife a spanking as punishment, for tension-relief, to facilitate refocusing on the marriage roles, for maintenance purposes, or simply for fun, it should be remembered that the spanking is a form of two-way communication. The spanking is the husband's gift to the wife, and her gift to the husband, especially at times when words seem inadequate. 
 

Spanking Relieves Tension

What happens when stress levels rise in your home? Is there a lot of shouting? Are there senseless arguments that include mudslinging and name-calling, but no real problem-solving? Does the husband withdraw and become silent? Does he slam doors and leave the house? Does the wife get emotional and critical? Does she pull out her mental list and point out all the weaknesses of her husband?

 

Each couple responds to stress differently. Most are fully aware of the tension, but have no idea of how to resolve it. They may try pretending that there is no problem. When the silence becomes unbearable, the bickering takes over. The husband and wife convince themselves that they are talking about the problem, but they are seldom listening to each other. Feeling unlistened to makes the speaker try harder to be heard. The bickering becomes an argument. The rational exchanges becomes self-centered and critical. Some couples hang in there and the argument becomes loud, marked with angry accusations. Others stop the argument abruptly and leave behind unresolved issues that are never spoken of again. Either route leads to a home filled with tension, where its hard for a husband to lovingly lead and a wife to choose submission.

 

What can be done to swiftly reduce the tension in the home? Is there a way to prevent bickering and domestic unrest? In a marriage where spanking is part of the couple's communication repetoire, the solution is close at hand. It simply takes the husband or the wife to have the courage to choose spanking at that volatile moment.

 

Ideally, the husband should propose a spanking as the way to cut through all the argumentative nonsense and get the couple back to a relaxed frame of mind. This not the time to introduce the topic of spanking or to debate how appropriate it would be. (The role of spanking in the marriage should have been discussed long before the onset of an argument, when the couple could share their thoughts without emotion.) In times of tension, most people don't communicate clearly with words - they end up saying things they later regret. They explain themeselves poorly. Emotion distorts what people hear. Too much talking can be damaging at a time when there is a lot of emotion in the mix. This is the time for the leader to act more than to talk.

 

Once the husband has informed his wife that he will be spanking her, he should proceed with his proposal. If the husband is too uptight to even think of spanking and his wife is more clear-headed at the time, she can just as easily be the one to ASK for a spanking as a means to resolve tension. It is imperative that the wife actually ask, and not insist on a spanking or demand that her husband deliver one. By asking, she reinforces his authority as the leader and helps him step back into that role. By asking for the spanking, she also reinforces her own position of submission and relinquishes control of the situation to her husband. The simple act of announcing an impending spanking or asking for one can go a long way to relieving tension. The spanking itself will then open the door to resolving the rest of the tension.

 

No Time to Spank

Does it sometimes feel like your days are getting shorter? In years gone by, I remember that is what the older folk would grumble about. They would say how it seemed that there was less time in a day, and then they blamed it all on modern technology for stealing the time from them. They may well have been right about the time being stolen (although we won't try to track down the thief right now). If people were feeling the pressure fifty years ago, imagine how time-challenged we are today. Almost everyone I have met (young people, too) now suffers from a Time-Deficient Disorder.

How does the apparent shortage of time influence the peace in the home? No longer do families sit down together and enjoy a meal at the table at least once a day. Couples don't chat about their hopes and dreams as they once did when they were courting. Sex is rushed - its all about getting to the destination quickly to make time to do more important things. Romantic dinners are interrupted by calls on the cell phone. Leisurely walks in the park, holding hands, are replaced by individual power sessions at the gym where your ears are plugged closed with your own choice of music - no room for sharing the tunes you love. The very activities that fostered healthy communication are gradually being erased from our lifestyles and homes. And as those activities disappear so does the health of the marriage and the family life.

In the endless rushing from one deadline to the next, even couples in old fashioned marriages get caught up in the whirlwind of mindless activity. The demands of work, children, and even selfless activities like community service or church volunteering, start to distract the husband and wife from their commitment to their roles in the marriage. Obviously, work, family, and others that we serve are important. It makes sense to include them in our lives, but how easily do we overcommit our time and at what price? Will the endless hurry and pursuit of work deadlines and the striving to give the children everything we think they should have be enough to satisfy us when the marriage falls apart?

As our days seem to get shorter, we are forced to cut some things to make space for others that we perceive as more important. Sadly, the one element that gets trimmed first is basic communication with those we love. After all, they understand us already so this is the safest place to trim our commitments. We convince ourselves that we won't lose much if we make the cut-backs at home. Everyone will understand. Perhaps our loved ones can't yet read our minds, but we trust them to understand our body language, our mumbles and grunts, and the half sentences we throw their way as we rush to answer the cell phone.

 

Husbands who once spanked stop spanking their wives, despite knowing this form of communication enriches the marriage. Their excuse? It takes too long and it is tiring at the end of a stressful day at work. Wives avoid spankings, even when the husband makes time for it. Their excuse? They are exhausted and they still have loads of tasks to complete before bed time. They argue that a spanking can wait until there is more time. But can it? Can communication between a husband and wife really wait until everything else has been taken care of? Shouldn't taking care of each other be the first priority? Should a wife not put her husband and the health of her relationship with him before the laundry, and the kids' homework, and her career? Should the husband not put his wife first, remembering that all his hard work is intended to build a better life for their family? What is the point of all the long work hours and mountains of money  earned if you don't have someone you love to share it with?

Is there really no time to share a cup of coffee with your wife (with the television switched off), to read a few pages of your favorite book to your wife, to put her over your knee and spank her until she remembers that you are the head of the home? Is there really no time to write your husband a little love note and slip it into his coat pocket as he leaves for work? Is there really no time to listen to his ranting about his job, to do the little things he has asked you to do, to let him think long enough to confidently make his decisions without getting impatient and telling him how to think and what to do? What will you do in the next 24 hours to enrich your marriage and invest in your future?

Is Marital Spanking the Answer?

Proponents of domestic discipline swear by it. Liberated women and modern men despise it. Some say its just BSDM under a new label. Others scream "abuse". Mention "marital spanking" to some, and their jaws will drop in utter disbelief. Still others say spanking is humiliating and unfit for your naughty, disrespectful child, let alone your marriage equal. But few can deny that when loving marital spanking is part of a marriage, the marriage somehow seems better able to weather the inevitable storms that rip other marriages apart. How can something as simple as a spanking affect the integrity and stability of a marriage?

Let's start unwrapping marital spanking by looking at what marital spanking is not. It is not an excuse for one spouse to beat up on the other. It is not the playground for a husband with a bad temper who lacks self-control and needs to vent by hurting his spouse. It is NOT a form of physical abuse, and should never be confused with physical abuse. It is not a vehicle to communicate emotional abuse. It is not a mechanism to degrade or humiliate the wife. When done correctly, most marital spankings will hurt, but will not cause harm. Marital spanking is not exclusively sexual, although it can certainly enrich a couple's sex life.

In old-fashioned, marital spanking, the role of the spanker and spankee are not considered interchangeable. The kind of marital spanking that was practised in the time of your grandparents would have had sexual perks, but no-one would have thought of it as kinky or sexual. It would have been functional first, and"fun" might follow, but it wasn't primarily about having fun. The spanking roles would have been clear: the role of spanker belonged to the husband, while the wife inevitably landed the role of the spankee (the one who gets spanked). Today, those domestic discipline roles are not gender-specific as they once were. There are certainly couples where the wife disciplines and the husband bends to accept the sting of the paddle, but these relationships are not the topic for discussion here.

So can marital spanking really iron out the wrinkles in a modern marriage? It would be naive to assume that a couple of swats across a bare bottom could make all the problems in a marriage magically disappear. But it would be just as naive to disregard marital spanking as a legitimate way to reduce tension in the home, and help the couple settle into a harmonious way of living. If experiences of yesteryear can be trusted, then marital spanking certainly presents good odds in favor of a healthy marriage.

How does marital spanking help produce harmony in a relationship? You may have noticed that we haven't satisfactorily answered that question in the above paragraphs. We have grappled with what marital spanking is and what it looks like, but we haven't begun to make sense of how it works. We have come to understand that marital spanking has the capacity to deeply enrich and stabilize a marriage. We understand that at the heart of this achievement is the fact that marital spanking is a form of effective communication quite unlike any other used in marriage. But how does marital spanking do what the old folk claim it does? This blog is a journey into old marriage secrets. It allows us (and our readers) to map the journey as we discover and explore new ideas. To learn more about marital spanking, and how and why it works, join us on this journey. You can subscribe to this blog using your email address, and new posts will be delivered directly to your inbox ensuring you don't get left behind as the exploration continues.

Are Good Husbands Also Bullies?

Any husband has the potential to be a bully. A good husband, however, is never a bully.

A bully is a person who uses strength or power to harm or intimidate those who are weaker. A husband in authority over his wife and family is certainly in a position to abuse his position of power. He could easily use his authority to intimidate his wife and break her down emotionally. He could use his superior physical strength to cause her bodily harm that cannot be excused as appropriate domestic discipline.  But a man who understands the responsibility that goes with his marital leadership, power, and authority will not easily fall into the trap of becoming an abuser.

 

A husband has the responsibility to love his wife. All his actions must answer to the question: Is this an expression of my love for my wife? If the answer is not an emphatic yes, the husband needs to take a closer look at his motives. A man who loves his wife will not humiliate her, or injure her, or keep her from being all that God created her to be. On the contrary, he will make choices that encourage his wife, that protect her from injury, and that raise her up in the eye of the public and her family. He will find opportunities to praise her and nurture her talents. He will take time to give her what she needs.

 

Bullies don’t act out of confidence. Their motive is fear. And they use fear to keep others from challenging them to become all they can be. A husband who uses fear tactics to keep his wife submissive is a poor leader, and there is little chance his marriage will thrive. Bullying a wife into submission may make her act submissive for a while, but it will drive her heart in the opposite direction and tear the marriage apart. A husband who desires a submissive wife must learn to love his wife into submission.