06 September 2012

Five Types of Old Fashioned Marital Spankings

Was spanking really part of the marriages of yesteryear? Haven't you wondered if it's just an urban legend or a shadow of a dark fairytale? It may be difficult to believe that husbands spanking their wives was once an accepted practice given our modern world where equality reins. But, a little reading into the history of the last century will confirm it. Imagine your sweet, quiet dad throwing your opinionated, strong-willed mom over his knee and giving her a sound spanking for disrespecting him. Perhaps that's a little more than your imagination can tolerate? If it wasn't happening with your parents and grandparents, you can be sure it was happening in other marriages just a few short decades ago.

But why, you may ask, was the pop of yesteryear spanking the mom? Back then, spankings were given for a variety of reasons. Those reasons are not too different from what you will hear reported by couples practising domestic discipline today. The reasons why a husband might administer a spanking to his wife fall into a number of broad categories. The following is not intended to be an exhaustive list of the types of marital spankings, and readers are encouraged to suggest additional categories we may have overlooked:

1. Punishment Spankings
The husband is the leader and has the authority to make and defend the rules of the home. If he believes his wife is being dishonest, or choosing to disobey or defy him, and that this behavior needs to change, he may choose to punish his wife as a means to modify her behavior. A physical form of punishment like spanking should be agreed upon before it becomes necessary to administer such punishment. The wife must give her consent to a punishment spanking - it is not forced upon her. This consent should be given long before any punishment is ever necessary, and the husband should hold the wife accountable for granting that consent. Punishment spankings tend to be the most painful spankings delivered by the husband, and are usually not commonplace. You are unlikely to find a wife who actually derives pleasure from being punished with a spanking.

2. Tension-Relieving Spankings
When the tension in a home mounts, it becomes difficult for the husband to lead and the wife to submit. Unresolved tension leads to short tempers, bickering, acts of disrespect and selfishness, and a gradual breakdown of the authority of the husband and submissive state-of-mind of the wife. A husband may choose to address the presence of tension with the physical act of spanking his wife. This often proves more effective than trying to talk through issues when both partners are uptight and stressed out. Stressed out people often struggle to talk about their bottled up feelings, so it makes sense to relieve stress before trying to talk. The physical nature of administering a spanking helps the husband relax in much the same way as taking other exercise might relax him. Going for a jog, however, is usually only beneficial to the runner. The downside of going for a jog (which is certainly a healthy way to exercise) is that it does nothing for enhancing the husband's confidence as the leader in the home. By rather administering a spanking, the husband is helping himself rise to the challenge of leadership (and growing his confidence), unwinding through the physical act of spanking (ask any husband who has delivered a long spanking - it is physically demanding work), while also helping his wife relax. A slow-paced, light to moderately intense spanking may have a similar therapeutic effect for the wife to that experienced when receiving a back massage. A spanking that is more intense and which brings the wife to tears may prove even more relaxing for her. For many women, weeping is an effective way to relieve tension. It may be difficult for a woman to get to the point of weeping on her own, particularly if she has been bracing herself to handle the extra stress for an extended period of time. A long, hard spanking can help a strong, very controlled woman with a high pain-threshold to cry, and ultimately to relax.

3. Refocusing Spankings
Long work hours, too many commitments, and the general busy-ness of life can distract the husband and wife from their roles in the marriage. The more the husband and wife drift away from the traditional roles, the more generic their roles become. Eventually their non-traditional roles will no longer be distinct. They will share the leadership authority. The focus will shift to equal workloads and equality in bearing responsibility. In time, the marriage will lose a leader, and the sexual chemistry between the partners will fade. Opposites attract, but generic marriage roles produce "similars". The husband becomes a quazi-wife and the wife becomes a semi-husband. A couple that once represented "husband" and "wife" now begins to represent "spouse" and "spouse" (which is definitely a recipe for putting out the sexual fire). When either or both of the spouses recognize that this role drift is happening, a refocusing spanking can be the ideal solution. Such a spanking is not punishment for a naughty wife, and it is not tension-relief for an overworked husband. The couple may be feeling no tension in their relationship. Rather, they may be feeling more distant from each other. A refocusing spanking reminds the husband that he is the leader and that he has the responsibility of authority in the home. It reminds the wife that her role is to submit to her husband, lovingly and respectfully. The intensity of refocusing spankings may vary from one spanking to the next. Refocusing spankings of extended duration are best - they give the couple plenty of time to think about their roles while each partner is acting out a representation of their role: the husband spanks and demonstrates his authority, while the wife submits and accepts the spanking her husband gives her.

4. Maintenance Spankings
Maintenance spankings are spankings administered at regular intervals. For some couples, these spankings occur daily. Others prefer one maintenance spanking per week, or spankings delivered with much longer intervals. As the name suggests, these spanking help "maintain" the integrity of the marriage roles. Much like refocusing spankings, but perhaps more deliberate and less spontaneous, maintenance spankings help to regularly remind the husband that he is in charge and the wife that she is to submit to the husband. Some couples use the maintenance spankings as an opportunity to address other issues with the result that a punishment spanking may follow a maintenance spanking from time to time. Because maintenance spankings are always scheduled and regular, they can help ensure that couples set aside time to talk and be intimate (important elements for relationship growth).

5. Fun Spankings
Purists of the domestic discipline school of thought dissociate pleasure from pain. They believe that spankings are purely for the purpose of punishment and should never be enjoyed by the spanker or the spankee. These folk frown upon fun spankings. But even amongst the purists, few will deny that spanking does have an erotic element to it. This erotic side may be completely blanked out during an unpleasant, but necessary punishment. But even with a punishment spanking which is not sexual in nature, many people report feeling more attracted to their spouse in the hours after the punishment. Even a non-fun punishment spanking can have long-term "fun" effects that encourage pleasure sharing during intimacy. Fun spanking, however, have no element of punishment to them. Any man with a healthy libido should enjoy the sight of his wife's body. Having your wife's naked or panty-covered bottom under your hand can indeed be arousing, and even more so when this tactile sensation is accompanied by the slapping sound of flesh on flesh, and the sight of skin beginning to glow.  Because spankings help to emphasize the marriage roles, they tend to encourage a greater sense of attraction between the husband and wife. A fun spanking can easily be incorporated as a form of foreplay which then leads to deeper levels of intimacy. A fun spanking can be as simple as a few swats on your wife's clothed behind as she washes the dishes (and you dry them, of course). It can be carefully planned and complemented by sensual lighting and special clothing choices. It can spontaneous - grab your wife as she emerges dripping wet from the shower, pull her over your knee, and add some rosiness to her wet bottom. The bottom line is that fun spankings are entirely enjoyable and are not meant to correct behavior. They should not induce excessive pain, but should be pleasurable for the wife and the husband. A husband should always ensure that the wife knows when a spanking is only for fun. It is important to make this clear at the outset so she can also enjoy the fun. If she is left wondering what she did wrong to earn a stinging, wet-bottom spanking, she might be entirely submissive but with her thoughts far from the intimate playtime that the husband envisaged.

A husband may spank his wife for reasons only they as a couple will comprehend. Domestic discipline is a very personal choice for a couple. It takes courage to go against the norms of modern society, and do something that you believe will enhance your marriage. Domestic discipline can enrich a marriage, but not everyone will agree with that viewpoint. Whether a husband gives his wife a spanking as punishment, for tension-relief, to facilitate refocusing on the marriage roles, for maintenance purposes, or simply for fun, it should be remembered that the spanking is a form of two-way communication. The spanking is the husband's gift to the wife, and her gift to the husband, especially at times when words seem inadequate. 


  1. I really enjoyed the break down of the spankings! I think also it makes sense as to why divorce rates were so low. Couples communicated better and the wives tended to feel closer because of the intimacy of the spanking act. At least in my opinion. :)

    1. Thank you, Adaline. Spanking did, and still does, encourage intimacy in marriage, and those that make time for it do seem to benefit. A spanking a day (back in the old days) probably did keep the divorce lawyers away :)

  2. My wife and I have included all 5 those types of spankings in our marriage at some point. We phase some in and others out from time to time. For example, if we are using #3 spankings often, we probably are not using #4.

    1. Thanks, Rob. I think that as couples grow in their trust of each other, they explore new aspects of marital spanking and finds what works best for them.

  3. I think spanking reassures the man of his position in the relationship. As a "free spirit hippie" who wrote the book on feminism, I find I need this dynamic at this time in my life.

    My live in boyfriend started spanking me recently for fun but I have decided to speak with him about bringing it into the relationship 24/7 (or as much as it can be 24/7). The fear and/or excitement is a major turn on.

    He is the head of the relationship and I expect him to behave as such. I have to give him the freedom to make the decisions without fear of legal repercussions.

    Spank me, daddy!!!!

    1. Thanks for sharing your thoughts, Anonymous. It sounds like you and your partner have started down a new path if your journey together. May you grow in your submission as you learn more about your role.

  4. What a great blog!
    Thank you for sharing!
    I love this blog is called
    An old fashioned marriage!
    That's what we strive for!

    Jack's Jill

    1. Thank you, Jill. What we have may be old fashioned, but its GOOD. Thanks for stopping by, and leaving your thoughts.

  5. sixofthebest17/2/13 09:17

    When you administer spankings to your wife, what type of implements do you use. Do you use the gravity of your wifes errors, as to what type of spanking implements you use.

    1. I have a preference for wood, so (depending on the situation) a spanking that requires more than the hand may involve a wooden hairbrush, a large wooden spoon, or a heavy, wooden paddle. Leather is a good alternative to wood: a well-worn leather belt requires some skill to use effectively, but can raise quite a sting. We will explore spanking implements in more detail in a later post.

    2. Anonymous4/4/13 19:47

      jslittlelady says:

      May 5, 2010 at 12:13 am

      thanks for stopping by. I’m looking forward to the progression into the delightful new realm of our relationship. And though no one enjoys a trip Over-the-knee , I do enjoy the reconnection that it brings and after very many days without receiving a spanking I begin to get emotionally overwrought. I think maintenance will help me in this area.


      yay, maybe we can go through this one together. I hope nick and you can make a go of it.

      Thanks for coming by. I’m hoping it will work for us as well as it does for you.

      gee thanks, I’ll be sure to remember to tell you how glad I am that your bum is sore on maintenance day.(just teasin’)Seriously, I’m glad it all happened too. Please don’t pat me on the back over my decision to take my post down . I had some serious incentive.

      I hope it does too!!!


      Roine Dunne says:

      February 21, 2013 at 5:37 am

      A word about OTK Maintenace Spanking:

      Unlike many husbands or men that participate in this and other conversations regarding wife spanking I don’t believe in nor practice “punishment” of my wife. I also don’t believe in nor practice the use of a belt or other device for the purposes of my wife’s regular maintenance spankings. Her bottom is bare and so is my hand. Like other comments I have read we believe it is the wife’s responsibility to remove her own panties prior to a maintenance spanking. This her way of acknowledging her acceptance of this lifestyle and reinforcing the fact that she is a willing participant – and believer in – the benefit of a husband maintaining his wife’s attitude, outlook and behavior through regular maintenance spankings. Maintenance spanking is not done out of anger, but rather done out of love.

      Punishment spanking is the result of a husband’s lack of maintenance of his wife’s best interests and in my mind – a poor behavior on the part of the husband. Ongoing and regular maintenance spankings with a husbands bare hand on to her bare bottom enables her to get back to a clear vision and behavior in her life.

      Maintenance spankings are not HARD and are not intended to hurt the wife. They are firm and forceful, but not HARD. HARD is out of anger and frankly due to the husbands or man’s neglect of his wife in the first place. With regular and loving maintenance spankings bad behavior simply does not happen.

      To prepare my wife for a maintenance spanking she knows to wear a specific pair of panties set aside only for maintenance spankings. By wearing these panties it has become her indication to me that she is accepting of and prepared for my love and guidance through a spanking. This way allows her to participate in the process, have a say in the process, and to prepare her mind and heart for what is coming.

      Once the spanking session takes place, she naturally makes her way to a quiet corner for 10-minutes to give her the opportunity to contain her emotions and find the peace of mind she is seeking. Once this time is up, she seeks me out, puts her panties back on and asks me to hold her – followed by a kiss and a Thank You.

      Then it is over until the next time…


    3. Anonymous21/9/13 20:05

      I understood the concept of a tension relieving spanking even though i didn't know it was called that until i read this article. Being told to pull your pants down unexpectedly, especially when you KNOW youve done nothing specifically wrong is a straightforward way to share some physical and emotional intimacy. Knowing that its NOT foreplay is part of what makes it so engaging. You may not have time or the inclination for actual lovemaking if your headed out to supper with friends or on your way to the movies. But that doesn't mean you can't take 5 or 10 minutes to get your pulse up and a little breathless. I'm usually inclined to giggle in relief afterwards even if my initial reaction was "Now? Seriously??"

  6. Anonymous21/3/13 04:55

    I am a man and i would like it in reverse. I want the spankings.....

  7. sixofthebest2/8/13 14:53

    Have you ever used a cane or a birchrod on your wife's bare bottom. when she deserves a punishment spanking?.

  8. I'm not against spankings, if the choice is entered into consensually, but saying spankings of wives in "the old days" prevented divorce is just plain ignorant. People didn't divorce because they were more isolated & therefore less tempted. People didn't divorce because people died younger & they didn't have time to learn to hate each other. People didn't divorce because each member of s family had to actively perform chores to keep body & soul together. I don't believe there ever was "good old days"; it's just a matter of the grass being greener on the other side.

  9. Anonymous8/10/13 19:28

    Thanks for breaking the spanking types down. It's hard when one partner (me) knows spanking is a need and my husband see's it only for fun.

  10. Anonymous25/8/14 08:30

    Nicely written. Iam from India and dd is very common in our set up, though it is decreasing now. I feel it is one of the reasons for long marriages here. However I don't practice it as I don't think my wife would go well with it. We practice erotic spanking though.

  11. As with sex, every generation thinks it invented spanking in interpersonal relationships. They didn't. When I was in my late preteens, I came across an article in a men's magazine claiming women wanted to be spanked. That was in the mid-1950s! Also, most women of that era knew better than to be disrespectful. According to family lore, my aunt got a spanking over her husband's knee for disrespecting her mother. That impromptu spanking was reportedly administered in presence of my grandmother.

    During a discussion about how attitudes changed after the 1960s, a woman old enough to be my grandmother admitted she'd been spanked by her father after she was married. When we were dating, my then almost 20-year-old girlfriend wound up getting spanked with her father's belt for smart mouthing him. Despite her professed embarrassment, I later found out that she actually approved of a badly behaved woman being blistered bare bottom over a man's knee.

    Only the past few decades, spanking has assumed an explicitly sexual connotation that was not nearly as pronounced as it was only a few generations ago. The first I spanked by wife when we were still dating, it was more like spanking my sister. I was less interested in seeing her with her pants down than I was in straightening her out. It turned out, although she didn’t relish my taking off my belt, she would have been disappointed if I hadn't spanked her bare bottom. She later admitted she respected me for embarrassing her when she deserved it. What she didn't tell me was that she was comparing my spanking to the one her father gave her! She admitted that both made her want to behave.

    Another change between then and now is that "domestic discipline," a phrase that didn't even exist until well my wife and I were married and became parents, is a considered to be a lifestyle. Back when I was growing up, it was simply known as spanking. The female's age was irrelevant. It was her behavior that mattered.

    I also suspect that switches were more commonly used to whip wives of yesteryear. For one thing, they were free and relevantly plentiful before mass urbanization. Although I never thought too much about it until decades later, I remember there was a large "switch bush" beside the porch that ran three-quarters of the way around my maternal great grandparents' two-story Victorian. In fact, my great grandmother called it the "switch bush." When I was a kid, I thought they were only used to discipline her brood of children. However, either by design or by chance, the bush just happened located beside her bedroom!

    I didn't think much about my great grandparents' "switch bush" until we were visiting my wife's parents early in our marriage. They lived on a large farm in a house remarkably similar in design to that of my great grandparents. While it didn't have a wraparound porch with a "switch bush" next to it, there was a rather large display of untrimmed shrubbery beside the milk house a few feet from one of the kitchen doors.

    At the time, like many newly marrieds, we were trying to adjust to living together. Once, while visiting my wife’s parents, my wife and I needed to come to what her mother called an "understanding." In my mother-in-law's vocabulary, as determined by the tense of the preceding verbs, that meant her daughter either had been or would be spanked with the maternal hairbrush!

    Not wishing to embarrass my wife, I decided to whip her with a switch. After telling my wife that it was up to her whether or not her parents heard her getting disciplined, I whipped her bare bottom until she was suitably submissive. When we rejoined her parents, my wife was thoroughly charming and delightful to be around. So far as I know, my in-laws were totally oblivious to their daughter's disciplining.

  12. Anonymous8/3/15 03:38

    Both my wife and I grew up when husbands could still spank their wives with relative impunity. Unlike today, it wasn't a lifestyle. Rather it was a way for couples to privately resolve marital problems at a time when divorce was still unacceptable and professional marriage counseling was still in its infancy.

    According to some overheard snippets I picked up in my youth, it didn't happen all that often. Most of the time there seems to have very little planning a head of time. A woman might be warned. Then, if the wife persisted, at some point her husband would take her aside and straighten her out. So far as I know, it was never done in front of the children. Nor did women make a big scene. Rather the wife took it like a woman.

    When I was probably 4 or 5-years-old, my mother got into it with my father in our back hall. Normally a patient man, he took my mother into an adjacent bedroom and shut the door. There wasn't any shouting. My father never raised his voice. Neither could I hear my mother say anything. Despite a lack of telltale sounds, something told me my mother was getting a spanking.

    Although the events I witnessed were spellbinding, memorable, and probably contributed to my interest in spanking, they weren't traumatizing. My sense of childhood justice concluded my mother got spanked for throwing a temper tantrum. Perhaps one reason was I'd seen the girl my age next door get a spanking from her mother for engaging in a similar behavior.

    Several minutes later, my father came out of the bedroom. He went into the basement. A little while later, my mother emerged. She had what may be best described as an embarrassed look on her face. Without a word, she went into the kitchen. That night at supper, they both seemed perfectly normal.

    Years later, my mother told me that wives sometimes got spanked by their husbands. By that time, that was something already knew. One of my friends had come across one of his father's mens magazines. In it was an article claiming that sometimes women what a man to spank them. A girl in the neighborhood said her mother admitted having to also take a spanking from her daughter's father they both disobeyed him.

    The best insight I received came from the mother of one of my friends one summer. She was supposed to take us swimming at a state park. Normally this fun loving mom went swimming with us. Only this time she didn't bring her bathing suit. When her son asked her why, she snapped that it was none of his his business. After a few moments of refection she added softly in one of those moments of absolute honesty, "Okay, since I expect you to tell the truth; I've got marks; I got spanked." Her memorable admission defined spanking during my youth.

  13. Anonymous14/8/15 23:23

    This was a really great article you've written.
    After 20 years of marriage and though I still can't say I'm really used to it, like it or not, I've been spanked soundly at least a few times. I now realize, especially after reading lots of feedback on the net, that I'm lucky it hasn't been more often.
    My husband recently saw me becoming testy, argumentative and I know I was getting just downright ornery and sassy. after I snapped at him once too many times in a row and I was quite aware of it and finally caught myself, I apologized and saw how he looked at me. My husband's facial reaction was priceless when I was the one who asked, "maybe it's time for more than a verbal discussion?" (This was usually his line which is generally followed by discipline shortly thereafter.) Long story short, I told him I agreed (finally!) that his firm attention toward me would probably do the trick and help alleviate whatever tensions I was having. I was spanked with his hand then to tears with the brush. We cuddled tightly for a long time afterward and yes I felt much better internally afterward. They even saw and commented at work how I seemed much more lighter or easy going. (Don't think they realized I was sitting on a cushion at my desk.) That was about four weeks ago. Last week I sassed off to my husband outside at our pool as I headed inside to get sunscreen which he'd reminded me twice already to put on. Much to my surprise he's not waiting long anymore now that I've realized the benefits of his care and correction of me. He was almost right behind me when I came inside and as far as tanning, well my hide was tanned good and not by the sun! Any of my bottom that was peeking out of my cute bathing suit was bright red when I returned poolside. Yes I apologized and I'm on my best now.

  14. Maybe it was a fantasy or maybe it was wife beating in the wrong sex. Today some of us have fun spanking in our marriages which are only to do with sex. Much better in my opinion.

  15. Anonymous2/4/16 07:00

    Having been part of that generation born in the shadow of World War II, I suspect there was actually less spanking in relationships back then than there is these days.

    Perhaps the biggest reason was young women either were or knew they could be spanked by their parents if they got an attitude or misbehaved. Calling the cops didn't do any good. In many places before the 1970s, parental spanking, paddling, or whipping of a 20-year-old daughter's bare bottom was perfectly legal. On a practical level, when cohabitation was known as "shacking up," daughters were sometimes subject to being spanked by their parents until they married.

    Much the same thing was true for wives. Although perhaps not technically legal, "wife spanking" was considered to be a "family matter" rather than abuse. In many ways, "wife spanking" was a continuation of a daughter's adolescent disciplining. Like a lot of young men in my day, I picked up disciplining my wife "where her parents left off."

    It started shortly after my wife and I began dating. Realizing we were in love, one of our early discussions was about spanking. In those days, because the practice so widespread, it wasn't that unusual for a young woman to tell her boyfriend how got spanked.

    Consequently, much like a couple of my high school girlfriends, my wife told me how she had to take her spankings. It wasn't just a nuts and bolts description. Those experiences were typical.

    Where my wife differed was in admitted being thoroughly embarrassed a few months earlier when her father announced in their living room that he was going to spank her for talking back to him. She described the shame of having to pull down her pants and go over her father's lap then and there for a bare ass blistering with his belt.

    While women were seldom beaten black and blue, some incidental bruising of a disciplined female's backside was permissible. When this happened, it usually raised more questions about what the woman did than what her husband or her parents did about it! Sometimes, spanking of a female's derriere was expected.

    A good insight into attitudes of the day can be gleaned from watching the 1963 John Wayne movie McLintock! While popular culture pays excessive attention to John Wayne's climatic spanking of Maureen O'Hara, the real lesson is in Patrick Wayne's spanking of Stefanie Powers even before their roll in the hay.

    Back then, it was not uncommon for young men to begin over the knee bride training before marriage. In many ways, compatibility in spanking back then was a lot like sexual compatibility these days.


  16. Anonymous2/4/16 07:04


    Sometimes, as in the case of characters portrayed by Patrick Wayne and Stefanie Powers, the young woman's parents were aware their daughter was being or had been spanked by a young man. As had been the case with my future in-laws after finding out I'd spanked their daughter on a date, most parents didn't interfere. Young couples were expected to work out their problems. Before becoming so controversial, a good old-fashioned panties to the knees spanking was merely one way of doing that.

    Likewise, as occurred at the end of the movie, when John Wayne handed the coal shovel to Patrick Wayne, young couples were advised to allow the young man exercise his authority early in the premarital relationship. This is was an example of a father transferring authority over his daughter to her future husband. While my father-in-law never did so officially, my wife said, as a firm believer in spanking the fairer sex, her father probably have approved of my finally taking a switch to her bare bottom!

    One reason for premarital spanking was to get that sometimes awkward first skirt up and panties down spanking. While there is no way of knowing for sure, I have every reason to believe more women in 1950s, and even in the 1960s, were spanked with switches than is the case these days.

    One reason was, not only were switches commonly used by mothers for discreetly disciplining their daughters, they were silent but deadly to a young woman's pride. Applied to her exposed thighs, their sting was virtually guaranteed to bring even a stubborn woman to tears.

    While most young men started out spanking their girlfriends of wives with their hand, they quickly realized what the young woman's mother already knew. Most women actually need a paddling or whipping to make them behave!

    It is also important to remember that the term "domestic discipline" didn't exist before the 1970s. Neither was spanking a "lifestyle." Instead, "spanking," as it was known, was seen as preferable to perpetual bickering or divorce.

    Also, reasons for spanking were much simpler before the the notion of absolute equality between the sexes. While punishment and erotic spankings haven't changed much over the years, other reasons tended to be lumped into a broad category that was often explained by mothers saying, "Because you need one, Young Lady."

    Generally, this catchall reason encompassed those situations where, although no specific misbehavior occurred, "something needed to be done" about a woman's attitude or behavior before it developed into a more serious problem.

    The bottom line of all of the above is that, although descriptions have changed over the decades and couples tend to be less open about their practices, husbands and wives from a century ago would instantly recognize today's "domestic disciplining" as old-fashioned spanking or whipping.