06 September 2012

Five Types of Old Fashioned Marital Spankings

Was spanking really part of the marriages of yesteryear? Haven't you wondered if it's just an urban legend or a shadow of a dark fairytale? It may be difficult to believe that husbands spanking their wives was once an accepted practice given our modern world where equality reins. But, a little reading into the history of the last century will confirm it. Imagine your sweet, quiet dad throwing your opinionated, strong-willed mom over his knee and giving her a sound spanking for disrespecting him. Perhaps that's a little more than your imagination can tolerate? If it wasn't happening with your parents and grandparents, you can be sure it was happening in other marriages just a few short decades ago.

But why, you may ask, was the pop of yesteryear spanking the mom? Back then, spankings were given for a variety of reasons. Those reasons are not too different from what you will hear reported by couples practising domestic discipline today. The reasons why a husband might administer a spanking to his wife fall into a number of broad categories. The following is not intended to be an exhaustive list of the types of marital spankings, and readers are encouraged to suggest additional categories we may have overlooked:

1. Punishment Spankings
The husband is the leader and has the authority to make and defend the rules of the home. If he believes his wife is being dishonest, or choosing to disobey or defy him, and that this behavior needs to change, he may choose to punish his wife as a means to modify her behavior. A physical form of punishment like spanking should be agreed upon before it becomes necessary to administer such punishment. The wife must give her consent to a punishment spanking - it is not forced upon her. This consent should be given long before any punishment is ever necessary, and the husband should hold the wife accountable for granting that consent. Punishment spankings tend to be the most painful spankings delivered by the husband, and are usually not commonplace. You are unlikely to find a wife who actually derives pleasure from being punished with a spanking.

2. Tension-Relieving Spankings
When the tension in a home mounts, it becomes difficult for the husband to lead and the wife to submit. Unresolved tension leads to short tempers, bickering, acts of disrespect and selfishness, and a gradual breakdown of the authority of the husband and submissive state-of-mind of the wife. A husband may choose to address the presence of tension with the physical act of spanking his wife. This often proves more effective than trying to talk through issues when both partners are uptight and stressed out. Stressed out people often struggle to talk about their bottled up feelings, so it makes sense to relieve stress before trying to talk. The physical nature of administering a spanking helps the husband relax in much the same way as taking other exercise might relax him. Going for a jog, however, is usually only beneficial to the runner. The downside of going for a jog (which is certainly a healthy way to exercise) is that it does nothing for enhancing the husband's confidence as the leader in the home. By rather administering a spanking, the husband is helping himself rise to the challenge of leadership (and growing his confidence), unwinding through the physical act of spanking (ask any husband who has delivered a long spanking - it is physically demanding work), while also helping his wife relax. A slow-paced, light to moderately intense spanking may have a similar therapeutic effect for the wife to that experienced when receiving a back massage. A spanking that is more intense and which brings the wife to tears may prove even more relaxing for her. For many women, weeping is an effective way to relieve tension. It may be difficult for a woman to get to the point of weeping on her own, particularly if she has been bracing herself to handle the extra stress for an extended period of time. A long, hard spanking can help a strong, very controlled woman with a high pain-threshold to cry, and ultimately to relax.

3. Refocusing Spankings
Long work hours, too many commitments, and the general busy-ness of life can distract the husband and wife from their roles in the marriage. The more the husband and wife drift away from the traditional roles, the more generic their roles become. Eventually their non-traditional roles will no longer be distinct. They will share the leadership authority. The focus will shift to equal workloads and equality in bearing responsibility. In time, the marriage will lose a leader, and the sexual chemistry between the partners will fade. Opposites attract, but generic marriage roles produce "similars". The husband becomes a quazi-wife and the wife becomes a semi-husband. A couple that once represented "husband" and "wife" now begins to represent "spouse" and "spouse" (which is definitely a recipe for putting out the sexual fire). When either or both of the spouses recognize that this role drift is happening, a refocusing spanking can be the ideal solution. Such a spanking is not punishment for a naughty wife, and it is not tension-relief for an overworked husband. The couple may be feeling no tension in their relationship. Rather, they may be feeling more distant from each other. A refocusing spanking reminds the husband that he is the leader and that he has the responsibility of authority in the home. It reminds the wife that her role is to submit to her husband, lovingly and respectfully. The intensity of refocusing spankings may vary from one spanking to the next. Refocusing spankings of extended duration are best - they give the couple plenty of time to think about their roles while each partner is acting out a representation of their role: the husband spanks and demonstrates his authority, while the wife submits and accepts the spanking her husband gives her.

4. Maintenance Spankings
Maintenance spankings are spankings administered at regular intervals. For some couples, these spankings occur daily. Others prefer one maintenance spanking per week, or spankings delivered with much longer intervals. As the name suggests, these spanking help "maintain" the integrity of the marriage roles. Much like refocusing spankings, but perhaps more deliberate and less spontaneous, maintenance spankings help to regularly remind the husband that he is in charge and the wife that she is to submit to the husband. Some couples use the maintenance spankings as an opportunity to address other issues with the result that a punishment spanking may follow a maintenance spanking from time to time. Because maintenance spankings are always scheduled and regular, they can help ensure that couples set aside time to talk and be intimate (important elements for relationship growth).

5. Fun Spankings
Purists of the domestic discipline school of thought dissociate pleasure from pain. They believe that spankings are purely for the purpose of punishment and should never be enjoyed by the spanker or the spankee. These folk frown upon fun spankings. But even amongst the purists, few will deny that spanking does have an erotic element to it. This erotic side may be completely blanked out during an unpleasant, but necessary punishment. But even with a punishment spanking which is not sexual in nature, many people report feeling more attracted to their spouse in the hours after the punishment. Even a non-fun punishment spanking can have long-term "fun" effects that encourage pleasure sharing during intimacy. Fun spanking, however, have no element of punishment to them. Any man with a healthy libido should enjoy the sight of his wife's body. Having your wife's naked or panty-covered bottom under your hand can indeed be arousing, and even more so when this tactile sensation is accompanied by the slapping sound of flesh on flesh, and the sight of skin beginning to glow.  Because spankings help to emphasize the marriage roles, they tend to encourage a greater sense of attraction between the husband and wife. A fun spanking can easily be incorporated as a form of foreplay which then leads to deeper levels of intimacy. A fun spanking can be as simple as a few swats on your wife's clothed behind as she washes the dishes (and you dry them, of course). It can be carefully planned and complemented by sensual lighting and special clothing choices. It can spontaneous - grab your wife as she emerges dripping wet from the shower, pull her over your knee, and add some rosiness to her wet bottom. The bottom line is that fun spankings are entirely enjoyable and are not meant to correct behavior. They should not induce excessive pain, but should be pleasurable for the wife and the husband. A husband should always ensure that the wife knows when a spanking is only for fun. It is important to make this clear at the outset so she can also enjoy the fun. If she is left wondering what she did wrong to earn a stinging, wet-bottom spanking, she might be entirely submissive but with her thoughts far from the intimate playtime that the husband envisaged.

A husband may spank his wife for reasons only they as a couple will comprehend. Domestic discipline is a very personal choice for a couple. It takes courage to go against the norms of modern society, and do something that you believe will enhance your marriage. Domestic discipline can enrich a marriage, but not everyone will agree with that viewpoint. Whether a husband gives his wife a spanking as punishment, for tension-relief, to facilitate refocusing on the marriage roles, for maintenance purposes, or simply for fun, it should be remembered that the spanking is a form of two-way communication. The spanking is the husband's gift to the wife, and her gift to the husband, especially at times when words seem inadequate. 


  1. I really enjoyed the break down of the spankings! I think also it makes sense as to why divorce rates were so low. Couples communicated better and the wives tended to feel closer because of the intimacy of the spanking act. At least in my opinion. :)

    1. Thank you, Adaline. Spanking did, and still does, encourage intimacy in marriage, and those that make time for it do seem to benefit. A spanking a day (back in the old days) probably did keep the divorce lawyers away :)

  2. My wife and I have included all 5 those types of spankings in our marriage at some point. We phase some in and others out from time to time. For example, if we are using #3 spankings often, we probably are not using #4.

    1. Thanks, Rob. I think that as couples grow in their trust of each other, they explore new aspects of marital spanking and finds what works best for them.

  3. I think spanking reassures the man of his position in the relationship. As a "free spirit hippie" who wrote the book on feminism, I find I need this dynamic at this time in my life.

    My live in boyfriend started spanking me recently for fun but I have decided to speak with him about bringing it into the relationship 24/7 (or as much as it can be 24/7). The fear and/or excitement is a major turn on.

    He is the head of the relationship and I expect him to behave as such. I have to give him the freedom to make the decisions without fear of legal repercussions.

    Spank me, daddy!!!!

    1. Thanks for sharing your thoughts, Anonymous. It sounds like you and your partner have started down a new path if your journey together. May you grow in your submission as you learn more about your role.

  4. What a great blog!
    Thank you for sharing!
    I love this blog is called
    An old fashioned marriage!
    That's what we strive for!

    Jack's Jill

    1. Thank you, Jill. What we have may be old fashioned, but its GOOD. Thanks for stopping by, and leaving your thoughts.

  5. sixofthebest17/2/13 09:17

    When you administer spankings to your wife, what type of implements do you use. Do you use the gravity of your wifes errors, as to what type of spanking implements you use.

    1. I have a preference for wood, so (depending on the situation) a spanking that requires more than the hand may involve a wooden hairbrush, a large wooden spoon, or a heavy, wooden paddle. Leather is a good alternative to wood: a well-worn leather belt requires some skill to use effectively, but can raise quite a sting. We will explore spanking implements in more detail in a later post.