A hero is characterized by courage, but how is this courage evidenced in the heroic husband?
The most obvious call for courage occurs when the authority of the husband is challenged. As the leader in the marriage and the home, the husband has authority over his wife and his children. But possessing authority as the man of the home does not automatically mean every member of the family will respect that authority. Authority will be challenged from time to time, and when it is, the husband will need courage to deal with the situation.
What do these challenges to the husband's authority look like? The challenges take a variety of forms, from the sweet and subtle to the bad and blatant. A few examples include:
The wife may focus attention on the husband's weaknesses as the leader in order to rattle his confidence and distract him from defending his position.
The wife may tell her husband what to do, even though he is the one in charge.
The wife may critize her husband's ideas and instructions, and go as far as telling him that he is stupid or incapable of leading.
The wife may pretend she hasn't heard the instructions of her husband, so she can't be held accountable for following those instructions.
The wife may blatantly disobey the husband, and refuse to do what he asks in a face-to-face confrontation.
When the wife disregards the authority of her husband, he can do one of two things: He can walk away, bury his hurt, and pretend it didn't happen. Or, he can confront the assault on his authority. If the husband is to become the hero of his wife, he has no choice but the do the latter. A hero doesn't run and hide. A hero doesn't pretend there is no danger to his marriage when his authority is under attack. A hero recognizes the danger and STILL stands his ground. The heroic husband deals with challenges to his authority, even when it takes him well out of his comfort zone.
Much of the above describes a psychological condition known as narcissistic personality disorder. More simply put, these are women inclined to think the world revolves around them. Although the precise transfer mechanism is poorly understood, narcissistic personality disorder tends to run in families.
ReplyDeleteWomen afflicted with narcissistic personality disorder often intentionally seek out weak men for partners. If the husband married to a narcissistic wife does not straighten out his wife early in their marriage, not only will she eventually make his life miserable, she will undermine their children's self-respect as well.
Another problem that may especially affect younger couples might be best described as delayed teenage rebellion.
Anyone familiar with raising a teenage daughter is aware there comes a time in the girl's life when she challenges parental authority. Some parents avoid this naturally occurring developmental phase through bribery rather than disciplining.
Subsequently, problems develop in marriage because the young woman's husband is seldom able to afford to spoil the wife as her father had done. If this happens, instead of rebelling against her parents, the young woman acts out in front of her frequently bewildered husband.
When a husband is confronted by a immature wife, especially one from a relatively affluent background behaving like a spoiled brat early in their marriage, the husband should seriously consider giving his wife the spanking of her life with an old-fashioned wooden hairbrush or doubled leather belt. By the time the husband is through with his wife, she should be worn out psychologically and drained physically.
In these cases, the real issue is less how many birthdays the wife has celebrated than her behavioral maturity.
A similar problem can arise in cases of second marriage. Quite often in these cases, the wife picks up with her second husband where she left off with her first. If not nipped in the bud, this will cause the second marriage to end much like the first. Husbands unable to handle these situations explain why second and third marriages are more likely to end in divorce than are first marriages.