13 September 2012

The Submissive Wife: A Taboo Subject

What image springs to mind when the term "submissive wife" is mentioned? Do you imagine a quiet, little mouse of a woman who is terrified to speak her mind? Do you see her husband speaking on her behalf all the time? Do you associate  words such as "indecisive", "uncertain", "weak", and "unfulfilled" with submissive wives? Perhaps you imagine such a wife feeling lonely, oppressed, and in constant fear of her husband? Is the submissive wife imprisoned in her home, made to feel like a doormat that her husband walks all over, or humiliated by the one who once vowed to love and protect her? Is the submissive wife simply the unappreciated slave of her husband?
 
It not unusual for modern, "liberated" women to omit the part of the old fashioned wedding vow that binds the wife to OBEY her husband. Those courageous women who dare to include this part of the vow are seldom viewed as the courageous, strong women that they are. Instead, more often than not they are perceived as:
(a) Dishonest: They are not truly honorable people as no-one actually expects them to observe that vow and keep their word given at the altar of marriage.
(b) Stupid: These women are unintelligent, weak-minded individuals who have no clue what they are promising to their husbands, and probably deserve a life of enslavement because they clearly cannot think for themselves.
 
Many women who have embraced the challenge of submitting to their husbands know that it is a life-long journey they have embarked on. You don't wake up the morning after your wedding, or the day after you chose to become submissive, and suddenly submit perfectly. A wife becomes submissive one day at a time. It's a journey, a process, and from time to time the wife will stumble and fall. She is on the high road of marriage, and not everyone manages to stay on this road. It's a long road that winds through the duration of the marriage, and it's rocky and steep at times. It offers rewards along the way that no other path through marriage offers, and it's worth the effort.
 
What do the women who take this journey look like?
 
They are as varied in nature, personality, and appearance as the women on other journeys through life. You will see skinny, overweight, and athletic ladies. There will be quiet, shy wives, and bubbly, outgoing wives. Some will be perfectly groomed, and others will be living your bad-hair-day every day. Some will have careers away from the home, and others will be full-time moms. On the surface submissive wives will look like wives across the planet look, but inside they will be a breed of their own. Submissive wives, perhaps not yet perfectly submissive but reaching for that goal, are tough, courageous, tenacious, and willing to learn. They are the kind of ladies who will stand up against the flow of mediocrity and dare to be different. They want something amazing for their marriage and they will make sacrifices to get it. They are willing to surrender their own goals and desires, and adopt those of their husband and leader, to give their marriage the best chance of success. These are not selfish, weak-minded women who huddle in a corner and play the defeated victim. Submissive wives are the Joans-of-Arc of modern marriage, possessing vision (for sharing a marriage that works well), courage (to choose a lifestyle that modern society frowns upon), and the tenacity to keep pushing forward in the submission journey.
 
If submissive wives are actually the kind of women to be envied, why do so many people choose to pity them? Why is submission such a touchy subject that most people are afraid to talk about? Why do women warn other women against submitting to their husbands? Why do men hide the seriousness of the subject in callous jokes? Why is the concept of a submissive wife brushed from the average home and assigned to those with "marginal lifestyles"? Why won't ministers preach about it if its in the Bible? Why won't parents discuss this aspect of the marriage relationship with their teenagers? 
 
Living a life of submission to your husband threatens many women on the brink of marriage or those who are already married. If this fear is not justified, why does it still persist? 

12 comments:

  1. It takes a strong, focused and LOVING man to be a leader of his home. So naturally it will take a strong lady with her heart in the right place to be his wife and follow his lead.

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    1. Thanks, Fred. Those couples who take the high road of marriage have to be tough and courageous. Submission and leadership in a marriage are certainly characterized by inner strength.

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  2. I see.a submissive wife as.a.slave. I left Christianity because.of those horrible verses claiming that women are the.bottom of the.barrel. they news a head/master because.they are.too deficient to make their own.choices. they deserve no freedom because.God.thinks they are.so low. Even a cockroach is not ordered.to become. slave.of someone else. So God,s hierarchal order.is.god first, men next, all animals, fish and.insects, and ....women dead.last. do you head/masters allow your wives/ slaves any freedom whatsoever. PR.do you just order her around? Your words telling women how low they are-is this how you reply feel about women.. I'm asking because.those words have.destroyed my life. I can't believe bible god thinks so.little.of me. Why do you think god.hates me (and all.women) so much-that this God.wants.them to be.slaves their whole lives. Please don't disregard my questions. I really.want to know your opinions on this master/slave marriage. Why is the wife's last decision on this earth.to be her marriage vows. After that, she.is just to obey every command of her master.!

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    1. I am sorry you have come to believe that submission is akin to slavery. And I am even more saddened to hear you left your faith because you misunderstood some scriptures. I believe you also misread this entire post, so I challenge you to read it again. God does not hate you as a woman - He loves you, beyond what you could ever comprehend. And He wants you to experience life to its fullest. One way He helps husbands and wives achieve this fullness in life is through their marital roles. A wife's submission is a powerful gift - it liberates her to become all God created her to be within the context of the marriage. Likewise, a husband's authority liberates him to live a life that is blessed and which contributes to the enjoyment of his wife. If you truly are interested in learning how God feels about you, take the time to read the entire Bible so you get it all IN CONTEXT. You will discover that God has a plan for your life that has nothing to do with slavery and everything to do with blessing and liberation.

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  3. I really don't want to put.down your lifestyle. Hey, if it works.for.you to have a little.puppy obey every command you give, who am I to condemn your.lifestyle. especially if.she.agrees.to become your slave. Honestly, I wouldn't mind a slave to obey my every.command, so on a way, I envy you for.your ownership of another person. I couldn't take ownership of another person, though, because.o belie w slavery is wrong, and people should not own others. How do you justify taking ownership of another? Is.it.because.you think women.are too deficient to own themselves? Too stupid to be.an equal partner to you? Do you think god of the.bible abhors women, and that is why.God put them in a.state of slavery? So you think there is a difference between a submissive and a full fledged slave? Thank for any.comments you make.!

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    1. We always welcome comments from those who have a genuine interest in learning about traditional marriage. If that is you, I encourage you to do more homework before you jump to conclusions. The wife in a traditional marriage is NOT OWNED by her husband, and she is NOT the slave of her husband. A submissive wife is no better or worse than her husband - her value is no greater or less than the value of the husband. She simply has the courage to CHOOSE to follow God's design for marriage.

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  4. Dsorry, another question. Do you think there is a difference between being submissive and obedient, and being owned? If you do, please share what that difference is. Do you feels as of you own your wives? What do you do if she does not obey an order? Thanks again

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    1. Being "owned" relates to slavery and has nothing to do with a traditional marriage. There is indeed a difference between being submissive and being obedient. One can be obedient without ever being submissive. But if you are submissive, obedience eventually flows in response to this state of heart and mind.

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  5. Sorry, one more. Do you think of women, and your wives, as people, or as pocecessions? What of your daughter's husband/ head/ master ordered.her.to jump off a bridge? What if your sister's head/master ordered her to beat up her child? While you might be sad that your daughter is dead, would you approve.her obedience.to her.master? In a more logical.example, what.if your daughters husband/master ordered.her.to be home at 9 from a.friends.house., she.rushed to.get home to obey her master, got.into.a.wreck, and was.killed
    Would.you commend her.posthumously.for.trying so hard to obey her master? As I said, I'm not.putting your master/ slave.relationship down, I'm really just trying to understand. Plus, o am doing a.paper on women and religion, and am trying to understand the head/submissive lifestyle you prescribe to. Please respond.!-

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    1. Let me be clear on one thing, Anonymous. The traditional, God-centred marriage has nothing to do with a master-slave relationship. The issues you have with submission and authority in the marriage seem to stem from your misunderstanding of what a traditional marriage is. On this site, you will find plenty of articles that will help you understand what a traditional marriage is. Take your time and read carefully.

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  6. I'm so sorry, but.one more.question. I know, I'm a pest. What do you think of your daughters? Do you teach them that their only goal in life is to obey their husbands orders? That, after.they are married, they should have no say in their own lives? Do you think that is the only way to happines- to. Obey like a dog? So you think god thinks of women as.the lowest form of.life? !

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    1. I teach my daughters to obey God. That is their highest calling and the source of their happiness.

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