tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-87236281565996457982024-02-18T22:42:51.568-06:00Old Fashioned MarriageMarriage can sometimes follow a bumpy road. This journey is best cushioned by the application of old time values and remedies. If the man is head of his home and his wife submits graciously to his authority, the marriage thrives. Explore with us how this delicate balance is achieved in an old fashioned way.Old Fashioned Marriagehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09241184643141521461noreply@blogger.comBlogger57125truetag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8723628156599645798.post-13689298935655420662013-02-14T12:00:00.000-06:002013-02-14T12:00:06.337-06:00Red Hot Valentine's Day Spanking<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiJBePK3AwE5Fvv7QqDt8sA3I8YuEzt6qaorq9AE9M9mazPDTc-7Gurs0oc8eZdBzvZmqAmlHJjZIr5AFzdlH1iXcvBuFYDU3l356uOiQuaLajGt6tfAU1V2lt9NsnHyxXdS6L1cN2CQiZX/s1600/Valentines_4112917253_9c57d6ae28_o.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiJBePK3AwE5Fvv7QqDt8sA3I8YuEzt6qaorq9AE9M9mazPDTc-7Gurs0oc8eZdBzvZmqAmlHJjZIr5AFzdlH1iXcvBuFYDU3l356uOiQuaLajGt6tfAU1V2lt9NsnHyxXdS6L1cN2CQiZX/s1600/Valentines_4112917253_9c57d6ae28_o.jpg" /></a><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="color: #660000;">Red.</span> The color of passion and love. <span style="background-color: white; color: #660000;">Red.</span> Evidence of a husband's firm hand on his wife's bare bottom. <span style="color: #660000;">Red.</span> </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Why wait? Husbands, be bold and add a spanking to your other Valentine's Day plans. Do it before the end of the day, so there is plenty of time for both of you to think about what the spanking communicates before you are visited by the sandman. If your lovely wife is unlikely to appreciate <span style="color: #660000;">hot red</span> in the spirit of the moment, you may want to consider warm pink on this special occasion. Place your sweetheart over your lap and deliver a pleasantly toasty reminder that boldly says that you are her husband, leader, protector, and passionate lover. Take it slowly and clearly express your gratitude for your wife's willingness to submit to you. Her submission is her daily gift to you, so use this special opportunity to acknowledge her gift and reciprocate with your own gift of authority.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">A spanking may seem like an odd gift to give on a day that is dedicated to love, yet when given outside of the confines of discipline or sexual foreplay, a spanking has the capacity to communicate your love for each other in a way that a box of chocolates never will. All wrapped up in a spanking of this nature you will find trust, intimacy, caring, dedication, commitment, loyalty, touch, and giving. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial;"><span style="color: #660000;">Red.</span> Or pink. Add your favorite color to your celebration today.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #990000; font-family: Arial; font-size: large;"><strong>Happy Valentine's Day!</strong></span></div>
<div class="blogger-post-footer">Celebrate the kind of marriage where the husband is the leader and the wife submits to his authority at www.CafePress.com/oldfashionedmarriage</div>Old Fashioned Marriagehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09241184643141521461noreply@blogger.com12tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8723628156599645798.post-52674140482235741532013-02-10T19:00:00.000-06:002013-02-10T19:00:00.481-06:00Valentine's Day: Simple Loving<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: justify;">
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<img alt="" border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiLt38SD9ENapCB5D6d0awJmhELv4blolGL-mmo-PvNnfCU1AypAB1lAlzQPENpbvpNixjZHYUadB3sXjJjF9RHxYINyRo_cXEbsarrRJF_DqLPXWFtnpspGnwYN4TftlUGo71IneOXf5nP/s1600/ValentinesDay_picnic.jpg" title="Celebrate Valentine's Day with Love - Old Fashioned Marriage" /></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">So I am feeling brave and I want to do something different for my sweetheart this Valentine's Day. How do I get off the beaten-track that we have been brainwashed to think is the best way to celebrate Valentine's Day? Do I have to turn my back on red roses and high-calorie candy?</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The good news is that a love communication can be simple
and inexpensive, and it doesn't need to take weeks of preparation to give your gift or expression of love its value. You don't have to lose the red roses and the chocolate, but you don't have to include these.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Remember when you made those cute homemade cards as a kid? It's amazing what a box of crayons, a glue stick, a pair of scissors, and some card can evolve into. Yes, your expression of love can be as simple as a homemade card with “I love you” in it. And no, you don't need to be a great artist to pull this off. Stop thinking about what you can't do, and focus on what you can do. Think "ransom note" - you've seen them in the movies: mysterious messages created by the old fashioned "cut and paste" method. Grab an old magazine or newspaper and cut out letters or words that can be assembled into your own special love message.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Not in the mood to cut and paste? What about a love letter written by
hand (complete with spelling errors and ink splotches). Or add a little old world charm and write your love note on a new handkerchief using permanent ink. (For those readers who are too young to know what a <em>handkerchief</em> is: <em>a small square of soft absorbent material, such as linen, silk, or cotton,
carried and used to wipe the nose or eyes</em>.) For added sweetness, wrap the handkerchief letter around your sweetheart's favorite candy bar.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Need more of a challenge? Your love communication can be as sophisticated as treasure hunt complete with a map and
hidden clues. Have the hunt lead your partner to a special place instead of an object, and use the destination as a venue for a special meal, or quiet time together.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Fortunate enough to live in a warm, northern zone or the southern hemisphere (which is enjoying summer right now)? Then pack a picnic basket and enjoy lunch in the park or at the beach. No time for lunch? Trade dinner in a restaurant for a picnic under the stars. And keep the picnic simple: fruit, fresh bread, cheese, bottles of water, and something sweet for dessert. And even if you don't live where an outdoor picnic would work well (three feet of snow and sub-zero temperatures can take some of the fun out it), a picnic can still bring a little romance into your day. Just move you picnic indoors: put your blanket out on the living room floor, light some candles, and unpack your picnic basket. You'll be ready for your first Valentine's "carpet picnic" - perhaps the start of an annual tradition.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Use your imagination. Your gift can be as simple as a walk on the beach, sharing a favorite dessert with your spouse while you cuddle in bed, a cup of coffee at the cafe where you first met, or an extra cookie wrapped in a love note and hidden in the lunchbox. The thought of celebrating Valentine's Day with your loved one shouldn't intimidate you. You don't need to worry whether your gift will be good enough, or whether it will be reciprocated. Banish the anxiety of gift-giving, and choose to love simply. Valentine's Day is just one more opportunity to remind your spouse that they are the love of your life.</span></div>
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<div class="blogger-post-footer">Celebrate the kind of marriage where the husband is the leader and the wife submits to his authority at www.CafePress.com/oldfashionedmarriage</div>Old Fashioned Marriagehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09241184643141521461noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8723628156599645798.post-23980209199065172782013-02-09T19:00:00.000-06:002013-02-09T19:00:00.372-06:00Valentine's Day: To Play the Game or Not<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: justify;">
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<img alt="" border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgFuhORYQr8rkX5hi26mMYVaA1nEUkgPzzXBWslBiKZx9_MvI_4xhnBvw8CaFXwcIierpw5UkkYmynUQRECRe6bYS7x5dE76CgIa99Q_U2ZZPEm7m3R6JXCEYTqd7M4dyue0-gcRalhroUP/s1600/ValentinesDay1.jpg" title="Valentine's Day - Old Fashioned Marriage" /></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Is Valentine’s Day outdated? Valentine’s Day may still capture the hearts of the young and restless, but should it be a thing of the past for married couples? After all, is it not simply an excuse for macho young men and liberated young women to ditch their images and indulge in a little romance for 24 hours? Perhaps it does give the unmarried an opportunity to play at a little old fashioned courtship without fear of ridicule from their peers, but that doesn’t mean it has to be evicted from the playtime repertoire of married folk. Valentine’s Day is the perfect opportunity to reignite a spark of passion in the marriage.<br /><br />To stoke the marriage fires takes a little effort. Any couple that has their honeymoon behind them will know that the honeymoon fires do die down if it they are not fuelled. But how do we fuel the fires of passion? On the surface, it appears that the commercial world has made it easy to piggyback those efforts on Valentine’s Day. Your credit card will secure you a couple dozen long-stemmed roses, some imported chocolate, an over-sized Hallmark card, sparkly jewelry, and an over-priced meal in some romantic setting. You may even get away with a quick rush to the mall only minutes before you need to present the gifts. Effortless romance, right? You get to communicate your love, and you don’t even need to give it much thought. <br /><br />But what if you dared to be different this year? What if you actually invested a little thought, a little time, and a little effort into making Valentine’s Day special for your sweetheart? Yes, I know. Why bother when all your efforts won’t be appreciated? Why give up your free time to do something special for your spouse when they won’t notice your sacrifice? Or perhaps you are thinking that you are not creative and could never do anything romantic?<br /><br />This Valentine’s Day is about reminding your marriage partner that you love them. Love is easy to communicate, but sometimes we forget that. Love has been commercialized to the point where we believe that without the bunches of roses, expensive jewelry, elaborate dinners, and preprinted cards, our love communications will somehow be considered inferior. Dare to turn a blind eye to the script that the commercial world presents you with this Valentine’s Day. Dare to remind your sweetheart that you love them in a way that will be priceless to them and a perfect fit for your relationship.</span><br /></div>
<div class="blogger-post-footer">Celebrate the kind of marriage where the husband is the leader and the wife submits to his authority at www.CafePress.com/oldfashionedmarriage</div>Old Fashioned Marriagehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09241184643141521461noreply@blogger.com14tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8723628156599645798.post-85459776689384825342013-01-01T00:09:00.000-06:002013-01-01T00:09:00.099-06:00Do Life Differently<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: justify;">
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">A new year is upon us. The thrill of the hunt for new adventures is calling us out. There is anticipation. Excitement. A little holding of our breath as we allow ourselves to dream big and consider the possibilities. Anything could happen. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">And then it descends. That dark cloud of doubt. We remember. We remember standing on the brink of all those new years that have gone before. We remember the excitement and the anticipation. And we remember what followed. Nothing, but the same old same old. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">So what will be different this year? Anything? Something? Isn't it a waste to burn energy on excitement? Isn't hope a little pointless? Aren't we just setting ourselves up for disappointment if we expect this year to be any better than last year?</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">As humans, we have access to two things that make life nothing short of remarkable: <strong>hope</strong>, and <strong>the capacity for change</strong>. We can tap into both of those elements right now, and our excitement and enthusiasm for a great year does not have to be short-lived. Our lives are not scripted. We are not born to be failures or quitters. We are not destined to have a miserable marriage, because that's how it was for our parents. We can hope for a more fulfilling marriage, a more peaceful home, and a better tomorrow. We can change. We can choose to do what it takes to to build our marriage into something fruitful and strong. We can choose to love our marriage partner even when our experience says it won't make a difference. We can choose to have a home filled with harmony when it has been a war zone in the past. We can live better this year than we did last year.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><em>Want a better year this year?</em> Do something different. Make the change you know you need to make. Eat less. Exercise more. Have more sex with your spouse. Seek intimacy with your spouse on a daily basis. Husbands, take authority in your homes. Wives, submit graciously to your husbands. Stop arguing. Start communicating. Share with your spouse. Share some more. Don't go to bed angry. Touch each other. Compliment each other. Hold hands in public. Hold hands while you watch TV. Cook meals together. Eat those meals together. Share even more.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><em>Want a better year this year?</em> <strong>Do life differently this year.</strong> If you repeat the mistakes of last year, you will reap the same results as you did last year. So change. And anticipate good things. Don't squash your hope for a better marriage.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><em><strong>Happy new year to all our readers!</strong></em> May the new year present you with many opportunities to grow as a couple, and may you always have the courage to grab those opportunities with gusto.</span></div>
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<div class="blogger-post-footer">Celebrate the kind of marriage where the husband is the leader and the wife submits to his authority at www.CafePress.com/oldfashionedmarriage</div>Old Fashioned Marriagehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09241184643141521461noreply@blogger.com14tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8723628156599645798.post-32026558047957260492012-12-24T22:00:00.000-06:002012-12-24T22:00:03.850-06:00Merry Christmas<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: justify;">
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">From our family to yours:</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><strong>We wish you a blessed Christmas.</strong></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">May your Christmas be filled with laughter.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial;">May it overflow with kindness.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial;">May examples of generosity be set for all who watch.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">May your Christmas be marked by peace.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">May you set your differences aside and listen.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">May you reclaim opportunities to demonstrate your love for your spouse.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">May this Christmas be a time you will want to remember.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">May gratitude and selflessness saturate all that leaves your lips.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial;">May this Christmas be your best one yet!</span></div>
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<div class="blogger-post-footer">Celebrate the kind of marriage where the husband is the leader and the wife submits to his authority at www.CafePress.com/oldfashionedmarriage</div>Old Fashioned Marriagehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09241184643141521461noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8723628156599645798.post-69663107363539257322012-12-17T19:00:00.000-06:002012-12-17T19:00:02.098-06:00Spanked to Match Santa's Suit<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: justify;">
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<img alt="" border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhAKRy62tyoQTnAjwH0BCQaYN4RcFywXz0vvWHnRMND976xkyNkZiOOLcf0x7ETjU7ugCj2Q7q2A7sd3GD3Yenh4DIeD1YrxG0pm6azqsafF5dvpry_rqrKVD_ekEX-tmBLQrxX6qRE-QId/s1600/ssmall_santa+4.jpg" title="Christmas Spanking - Old Fashioned Marriage" /></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The Christmas season is the time for giving generously. It is also a stressful time for many wives and mothers as they prepare to host family gatherings and anticipate the many hours they must spend in the kitchen. Add to that last minute shopping, crazy traffic, attending school concerts, seasonal charity work, the mountain of gifts that need wrapping, and all the other extra tasks that come with a time of celebration. The result is a truck load of stress for the lady of the house. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Husbands can play a big role in soothing the stressful countdown to Christmas. In fact, I would go as far as saying it is their responsibility to ensure a stress overload does not occur. Unchecked stress can spill over into the home and create an environment that is hostile and prone to dampen any holiday cheer.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><em>So what is a husband to do to help his wife unwind when tensions mount?</em> </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">As the husband, you simply need to play the role of Santa. Does that require the obligatory red suit, white beard, and big belly? No, although many men who have weathered a few Christmas seasons seem to already acquired the belly. What you need most is the heart of a Santa. You must want to give something good to your wife. And then you need to actually progress beyond that desire. You need to give that good gift to her.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">And what might that good "something" be? Being old fashioned in my ways, I cannot help but suggest the gift of a good, old fashioned spanking, of course. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Now, you will have to make a few changes to the way you might play the role of Santa at the shopping mall or at your church Christmas party. No, your wife won't be sitting on your knee and whispering her secret desires into your ear. You will confidently put her over your knee with her bottom raised high. She may protest a little (especially if you waited too long to put your idea into action) - assure her that she is not being punished. You will let her know that you appreciate all she is doing to make your family's celebration wonderful, and that you want to help her relax after all her efforts. You will rub her back, and caress her bottom, and let her talk some of her tension away. And then you will spank the rest away.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Bare her bottom. Start slowly. Be gentle, but firm. This is not a punishment. You are helping your wife relax. Spank lightly until her skin shows some color. Spank harder, but continue to spank slowly. Take your time. Treat this the same way you would treat a sensual massage. If your wife is tolerant of harder spankings, introduce a favorite implement like a wooden spoon or a light paddle. Talk to your wife as you spank her. Express your appreciation. Remind her that you love her. Tell her how much you enjoy helping her relax. And watch her body language. The back and thigh muscles lock in tension. As the spanking encourages tension release, you should see your wife's back and thighs relax. Ask questions. Listen to her voice. Use the tension in her voice and the tightness of her muscles as an indicator of when to stop spanking. A long, relaxing spanking should leave your wife comfortably draped across your lap with her bare bottom tender and blushed a deep red. Some women release tension with tears, so don't be afraid of seeing your wife cry. Finish the spanking with gentle caressing and an unrushed cuddle.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Give your wife the gift of stress-relieving and tension-busting spankings this Christmas. Spank generously and spank often throughout the season, and you probably won't need to go spoil the fun with any unpleasant disciplinary action. Choose to fill your home with peace and harmony this Christmas. Make it a place everyone wants to be. Make the effort to match your wife's bare bottom to Santa's suit, and you will help create a Christmas experience (and perhaps a tradition) that your wife will enjoy as much as you do.</span></div>
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<div class="blogger-post-footer">Celebrate the kind of marriage where the husband is the leader and the wife submits to his authority at www.CafePress.com/oldfashionedmarriage</div>Old Fashioned Marriagehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09241184643141521461noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8723628156599645798.post-28083749547829158732012-12-15T19:15:00.000-06:002012-12-15T19:15:00.351-06:0010 Penny-wise Gifts for Your Wife<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: justify;">
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">A diamond may be a girl's best friend, but sometimes she will want a gift that speaks louder than the price tag. Trade in the idea of flashy jewelry or an expensive spa hamper for a gift that will fit your budget, keep financial conflict out of your marriage this season, and touch your wife's heart.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Previously, following on our discussion of </span><a href="http://oldfashionedmarriage.blogspot.com/2012/12/taking-my-spouse-off-gift-list.html" target="_blank"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Christmas gifts for your spouse</span></a><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> when your budget is tight, we shared some of our favorite inexpensive, </span><a href="http://oldfashionedmarriage.blogspot.com/2012/12/10-penny-wise-gifts-for-your-husband.html" target="_blank"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">gift ideas that a wife can use for giving a gift to her husband</span></a><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">. This post is devoted to inexpensive and thoughtful gifts a husband can give his wife. There is no reason to skip gift-giving this year simply because your wallet is empty. Bless your wife with a gift that communicates your love and appreciation for her, without creating debt in the process.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><strong>For the wife who is on her feet all day</strong>: Use colored card reclaimed from cereal boxes or other sources to create foot massage vouchers. (Obviously, you (the husband) will be giving these wonderful foot massages, so prepare yourself to pamper your sweetheart.) Set an expiry date on each voucher so your wife will be encouraged to cash in her special treats at regular intervals.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial;"><strong>For the wife who loves photographs</strong>: Capture a special moment on camera when your wife isn't aware that she is the focal point. If you don't have an eye for taking pictures, ask a friend or your child to snap some pictures of you and your wife when you are in public. Make sure you select a picture that is particularly flattering to your wife. Give it some old world charm by having it printed in black and white or sepia tone - your local pharmacy charges pennies for a small print. Spend an extra dollar on a frame that matches the picture (your local dollar store should have a selection of small frames).</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial;"><strong>For the wife who isn't on a diet</strong>: Purchase your wife's favorite candy bar. Carefully unwrap it without ripping the wrapper. Hand-write a love letter to your wife, fold it to match the size of the candy bar, and insert the letter (together with the candy bar) into the undamaged wrapper. Carefully seal the wrapper, and wrap the candy bar in some pretty paper.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial;"><strong>For the wife who likes to reminisce</strong>: Fill a small booklet with reprints or photocopies of your wife's favorite photographs. Your wedding, your honeymoon, the birth of your children, and family vacations all make good photo sources. This is about creating more than another photo album, so make sure you add your memories (positive memories only) associated with the pictures by writing comments alongside the pictures. Tell your wife what you were thinking when the photo was taken, or what the picture reminds you of.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial;"><strong>For the wife who likes to play games</strong>: Create your own intimate card game. Start with cutting a set of flash cards from scrap cardboard. On each card, write a word that means something special to you as a couple. Create your own rules for your word-association game and include these rules when you package your cards. When designing your game rules, remember that whatever you do with your cards should be fun for both of you, and should encourage intimacy.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial;"><strong>For the wife who enjoys being spanked</strong>: Create a set of 10 to 20 stress-relief and/or playful spanking vouchers. Use colorful card recycled from junk mail for the vouchers, or print the vouchers on your home printer. You may not always be aware when your wife needs or wants a spanking, so these vouchers will help her get what she needs when she needs it. They work well for couples where the wife struggles to ask for a spanking or the husband is not particularly observant and aware of his wife's needs. All the wife needs to do is present her husband with a spanking voucher, and he should provide her with a spanking within 24 hours.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial;"><strong>For the wife who does most of the housework herself</strong>: Running a home is hard work - make no mistake about it. And it is even harder when you cannot afford outside help and must repeat the same household tasks day after day without a break. Give your wife the gift of a small break from routine when she needs it most. Create a handful of simple housework vouchers (at least 20 - be generous) e.g. washing supper dishes, vacuuming the lounge floor, scrubbing the bath. These vouchers will encourage a wife who is uncomfortable asking for help (especially if her husband typically comes home tired from work) to express when she feels overwhelmed. She can express what she feels by simply returning a voucher to her husband - she doesn't have to speak about how she feels if she is not ready to do that. The husband's responsibility is to jump in and complete the task on the voucher he is given. This task will probably only take him a few minutes, but will give his wife a much-needed break from the monotony of repetitive housework.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial;"><strong>For the wife who deserves, but avoids, the spotlight</strong>: Some wives work tirelessly to make their homes a wonderful place to be. Often, the efforts of these amazing women go unnoticed, and yet it doesn't seem to deter them. This Christmas, you can shine the spotlight on your wife and give a gift of 30 days of uninterrupted recognition. Write 30 short letters to your wife. Each letter need be only a paragraph long and should express your appreciation for one aspect of who she is, or what she does for you and your family. You can make those letters even more special by taking a trip to a local department store. Stop by the fragrance counters and ask the sales assistants if you may spray a little perfume from the tester bottles onto a sheet of paper. It may take some time to collect 30 different fragrance samples on your letter papers, so aim for 5 or 6 different fragrances that you think your wife would enjoy. Seal the letters in 30 envelopes, and write the number 1 to 30 on the envelopes. Present the set of envelopes with instructions that your wife is to open one envelope every day for a month.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial;"><strong>For the wife who enjoys complex gifts and problem-solving challenges</strong>: Create your own <em>treasure capsule</em>. To do this, blend the ideas of a time capsule with a treasure chest. Cover a recycled box with pretty paper. Collect a variety of small items that you can directly link to experiences you have shared with your wife. The complete collection should fit in the box. For example, if you honeymooned at the coast, a seashell might represent this experience. If your first child is a boy, perhaps a blue baby comb might trigger a memory of his birth. Include a challenge to your wife to get her thinking about what each item represents, and the promise of a date night when you will explain what each of those items mean to you.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial;"><strong>For the wife who is struggling with being submissive</strong>: Provide one "<em>get out of (spanking) jail FREE</em>" card. This card should include your sincere promise to exempt your wife from one corrective or discipline spanking that would usually result from breaking a house rule. You reserve the right to substitute some other form of punishment in the place of a spanking. Make this card valid for one year. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial;">Husbands, feel free to add your own ideas for low- or no-cost gifts for your wife in the comment section below. Wives, if you have received an inexpensive, creative gift from your husband, please do share it with our other readers. Many folk have had a tough financial year, and could benefit from hearing that great gift-giving has little to do with the money in your wallet.</span></div>
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<div class="blogger-post-footer">Celebrate the kind of marriage where the husband is the leader and the wife submits to his authority at www.CafePress.com/oldfashionedmarriage</div>Old Fashioned Marriagehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09241184643141521461noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8723628156599645798.post-48292348103915988192012-12-14T19:15:00.000-06:002012-12-14T21:45:18.365-06:0010 Penny-wise Gifts for Your Husband<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: justify;">
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Christmas, the season for giving, is a great time to exercise generosity. Gift-giving is an excellent way to express our generosity, and touch lives in a positive way. Contrary to what many people believe, you don't need a lot of money to give awesome gifts. You simply need to take what you know about the gift recipient and match that with your own skills and the materials you already have in your own home. Think creatively and recycle - the gift options are practically limitless.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">In a previous post, </span><a href="http://oldfashionedmarriage.blogspot.com/2012/12/taking-my-spouse-off-gift-list.html" target="_blank"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">"Taking My Spouse Off the Gift List"</span></a><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">, we described how to stimulate ideas for giving inexpensive gifts. We also promised to share some of our own gift ideas, so this is the first of two posts that fulfills that promise. This post will provide <strong>the wife's perspective</strong> and hopefully give other wives who read this ideas on how to turn low-cost or no-cost items into fun gifts for their husbands. The added bonus is that these gifts also serve to enrich the marriage by encouraging communication and sensual/sexual play.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><strong>For the DIY husband</strong>: find a hard wood plank (12 to 18 inches long) and draw the outline of a paddle on it (sometimes lumber yards and wood shops throw away scrap wood, so don't be afraid to ask). If your budget allows for it, use sheets of sandpaper as gift-wrapping - the gift-wrap is a practical part of the gift and will smooth the way to a splinter-free spanked bottom. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><strong>For the husband who enjoys words and surprises</strong>: fill 52 small envelopes with notelets that begin with "I love you because...". Wrap the 52 envelopes together with instructions on when to open each envelope. This is a gift that can be stretched out over a full year, if the recipient opens one envelope a week.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><strong>For the husband who takes command of the kitchen</strong>: write your (wife's) wedding vows in the bowl of a wooden spoon using a permanent, fine-tipped marker. Your husband will know what to do with the wooden spoon if you start stirring up trouble in the home. And even if you are good, the spoon can provide many fun spankings for years to come.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><strong>For the sensual husband</strong>: Cut 11 strips from scrap (colored) card. (Use paper if you have no card.) On each of ten card strips, write down one of your husband's favorite sensual experiences and an expiry date that falls within the next year. For example, if your husband enjoys you touching his feet, one card might include "oily foot massage" and "expires on 31 January 2013". Use the eleventh card to explain how to use the coupon booklet you have created. Staple the cards together with the instructions on top. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><strong>For the husband who finds it hard to talk about his desires</strong>: Decorate the cover of an inexpensive "composition book" (the lined exercise books that school students use for note-taking) with your own art, photographs, pictures from magazines, favourite verses of poetry, or any other items that represent beautiful experiences. Use the first page of this "desire journal" to explain how to use it <em>i.e.</em> stress that the husband's desires can be expressed by recording his dreams, describing his fantasies, or simply illustrating those fantasies with sketches. Explain that you (the wife) would love to read his desire journal if he ever wants to share it with you. This journal is a great way to open up discussions that some people are shy to start.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><strong>For the husband with a sweet tooth</strong>: Home-baked cookies (or candies) never fail to sweeten up the hubby. Decorate a recycled chocolate box with your favorite images, poems, or inspirational quotes, and use it as a presentation box for your goodies. If you are working with your husband to encourage portion control, individually wrap each cookie or candy, and attach a little love note to each tiny package.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><strong>For the husband who likes to read</strong>: Purchase an inexpensive blank-paged, pocket-sized booklet (small enough to fit into your husband's shirt pocket). Fill the booklet with expressions of gratitude - thank your husband for the little things that often go unrecognized. Everyone likes to feel appreciated, and this little booklet will provide many years of encouragement for your husband - he can carry it with him to work or on business trips, or just open it when he needs to be reminded that his wife notices all he does for her and the family.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><strong>For the husband who is sexually adventurous</strong>: Make a home-made sensual exploration kit. Include items like feathers, velvet cloth, satin cloth, a soft hairbrush, a comb, etc.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><strong>For the husband who enjoys gardening</strong>: Purchase a small packet of seeds (suitable for planting in your zone) - some seed packages cost less than a dollar. Include a hand-written written promise to be part of the seed planting exercise. Getting dirty together can be the start of a lot of clean-up fun.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><strong>For the husband who likes reminders</strong>: Create a WILL KNOT. All you need is a short length of rope or twine (natural fiber works best). Make a knot in the rope. Package the knotted rope in a decorated, recycled box with a note explaining what it is. The WILL KNOT is your husband's reminder that you have chosen to be submissive to him, and are working hard at your commitment, even when things get a little off-track. The WILL KNOT is his reminder that you WILL NOT give up on your commitment.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial;">Feel free to add your own inexpensive gifts ideas for husbands in the comments section below. Creative, home-styled gifting isn't only for the cash-strapped - it is a great way for all of us to exercise our creative natures and give the kind of gifts that make a difference.</span></div>
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<div class="blogger-post-footer">Celebrate the kind of marriage where the husband is the leader and the wife submits to his authority at www.CafePress.com/oldfashionedmarriage</div>Old Fashioned Marriagehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09241184643141521461noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8723628156599645798.post-46656152171661130572012-12-13T20:26:00.001-06:002012-12-13T20:26:38.735-06:00Taking My Spouse Off the Gift List<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: justify;">
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<img alt="" border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg96i3oF0ZfMDQlvdQsDacUTPN6TCguQBY51o2MyeLxPQldSzRDc1XS2Rs1TRdnUqwj9KVL39nfgnRPcEN_TxExDqC5zbR9P6HzuPv2TlB0mdZmkIMCZCUv0Z7k6vfoRkGKDvuY6-soLwMq/s1600/small_Christmas+tree+with+family+2.jpg" title="Christmas in an old fashioned marriage" /></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">This is the season for giving (<em>not that there is a season that doesn’t agree with giving</em>). Few things are as enjoyable as giving, so it makes sense to join in the fun. The malls are already filled to capacity, and everyone seems to be in frantic pursuit of the perfect gifts for loved ones. But what if money is tight? Does that cut you out of the giving process, and stop you from having fun?<br /><br />Parents usually make the effort to ensure their children have presents at Christmas, but when money is a problem, the spouse is one of the first to fall by the gifting wayside. It is tempting to justify taking our spouse off the gift list. After all, they are well aware that the budget simply cannot stretch any further. They will understand that a gift is unaffordable, won’t they?<br /><br />There is a way to keep your partner on the gift list, even if your budget screams in rebellion. The most precious gifts I have received did not come from the mall. They weren’t bought online either. They didn’t cost an arm and a leg, or even just a finger. Some cost only pennies. Most did take an investment of time on the part of the giver. However, not all of my precious gifts demanded a lot of time of the giver - some just needed a fresh perspective and a dash of creativity.<br /><br /><em>What if you don’t feel creative, and like most of us don’t have hours to sit around and dig deep until the creative juices flow?</em><br /><br />The good news is that you can make this happen with a few minutes of "thinking" time, and a little longer of "doing" time. Make yourself a cup of tea or coffee, pick up a pen and paper, and prepare for an out-of-the-box experience. Without giving it too much thought, brainstorm a list of words that describe what your spouse enjoys most. You can stop when you have ten words or phrases. For example, your list may look something like this:<br /><br />My wife enjoys.... (1) reading, (2) doing puzzles, (3) telling jokes, (4) baking, (5) dancing, (6) watching old war movies, (7) sucking lollipops, (8) gardening, (9) the smell of sun-dried linen, (10) jogging.<br /><br />My husband enjoys... (1) fishing, (2) sex, (3) walking the dog, (4) watching sports, (5) photography, (6) surprises, (7) wearing yellow shirts, (8) gardening, (9) swimming, (10) writing poetry.<br /><br />Now make a second list by brainstorming things you can <strong><u>DO</u></strong> (not buy) to provide for your partner’s enjoyment. For example, next to “<em>My wife enjoys (1) reading and (8) gardening</em>,” you could put “hand write a love letter to my wife, and seal it in an envelope filled with petals from her favorite wild flowers”. Next to “<em>My husband enjoys (8) fishing</em>,” you could write “search online and find the tide charts for the next 52 weekends; cut and paste the charts, leaving space for recording catches, into a document and print this document in booklet format; make a colorful cover for the booklet using a local outdoor store's sales brochure”. <br /><br />With a few minutes of effort, you will discover that you can give your husband or wife a delightful gift that will cost little or nothing. In the next couple of posts, we will include some of our own gifting brainstorms, so you can see how easy it is to stretch your imagination beyond the obvious.<br /><br />This year, challenge yourself to think outside the box when it comes to spousal gift-giving on a tiny budget. Don’t use the lack of money as an excuse for not giving your husband or wife a gift this Christmas. Rather, use it as the motivation for giving a thoughtful gift to your soul mate and best friend. Forget about a trip to the busy mall. Forget about shopping online for those discounted deals. Just invest a little of yourself in your gift. No-one knows your spouse better than you do. Who better to give him or her a truly creative and perfectly suited gift than you?</span><br /></div>
<div class="blogger-post-footer">Celebrate the kind of marriage where the husband is the leader and the wife submits to his authority at www.CafePress.com/oldfashionedmarriage</div>Old Fashioned Marriagehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09241184643141521461noreply@blogger.com12tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8723628156599645798.post-81442184051791423562012-11-22T11:00:00.000-06:002012-11-22T11:00:26.009-06:00Thankful for My Marriage: Today and Always<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: justify;">
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">There is ALWAYS a reason to be grateful. Always. Without exception. Find your reason today. Don’t stop when you find one. Collect a whole basket of reasons to be thankful, and then take the time to express that thanks and appreciation. Gratitude isn’t just something we dress up in for Thanksgiving - it is an attitude that allows us to see the sunshine in every rainy day.<br /><br />If your marriage is thriving...<br /><br />Be grateful for your marriage, for life as it is, the happy moments, the laughs, the intimacy, the meaningful conversations, the great sex, feeling loved, the trust between you and your partner, someone to share your heart with, a soul mate, a partner you can entrust every part of yourself to, memories that leave romance novels in the dust, and the promise of a great future. Be thankful for a spouse you can give every part of yourself to with reckless abandon...<br /><br />If your marriage is good, but not great...<br /><br />Be grateful for your marriage, for a partner who loves you, for someone to share your life with, for a companion who stands with you, for someone who cares about you and lets you know that, for those special moments that create good memories, for the growth you have seen in your marriage, for knowing you are not alone, and for the promise of more good things to come. Be thankful for a spouse you can give yourself to, knowing they value you as you are...<br /><br />If your marriage is surviving...<br /><br />Be grateful for your marriage, for a spouse who is tough enough to hang in there through the hard times, for the promise that things can get better, for buried hopes that can be resurrected, for new dreams that can be created today and lived tomorrow, for someone who honors their marriage vows, for the knowledge that tomorrow gives you a fresh start, and for the promise that it is not too late to have a great marriage. Be thankful for a spouse who is still in the process of learning to value and appreciate you, and for the opportunity to demonstrate daily how much you value and appreciate them...</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><strong>Happy Thanksgiving!</strong></span></div>
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<div class="blogger-post-footer">Celebrate the kind of marriage where the husband is the leader and the wife submits to his authority at www.CafePress.com/oldfashionedmarriage</div>Old Fashioned Marriagehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09241184643141521461noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8723628156599645798.post-47427745792311637342012-11-08T20:35:00.001-06:002012-11-08T20:35:47.794-06:00Stardust Exposed by an Attitude of Gratitude<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: justify;">
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Thankful. Appreciative. Cognizant of how others have contributed to their lives. These are the people who typically enrich our lives. We find them encouraging and energizing, and we enjoy being around them. They seem to bring sunshine into a cloudy day. They put a smile on our faces when we have begun to feel invisible. Showing gratitude on a regular basis may not feel natural for everyone, but everyone has the capacity to grow in gratitude and have a sunny effect on those around them.<br /><br />Husbands, have you thanked your wife for something she has done or said today? Wives, have you taken the time today to show appreciation to your husband for something he did for you or someone else? <br /><br />Thankfulness does not get worn out with use: not in your workplace, not in your place of worship, not in social get-togethers, and definitely not in your home. But it is easier to become ungrateful at home than it is anywhere else. Over the years, our marriage partner becomes so familiar to us that we sometimes don’t notice them the way we notice colleagues, or neighbors, or strangers on the street. In the early years of marriage, we may have thanked them profusely for everything from the burnt toast they made for us to the way they chose to love us when we felt undeserving of their love. Yet, with passing years, we start to take their acts of giving for granted. We begin to expect their selfless acts of kindness, and stop thanking for them or thank only on occasion. And as we thank less often, we begin to wonder why we don’t feel appreciated ourselves.<br /><br /> While a lack of gratitude serves as a slow poison for a relationship, a regular show of heartfelt gratitude can heal a relationship. But what if I am not naturally expressive like that, you may ask? If you are intelligent enough to be reading this post, you are also smart enough to learn how to show gratitude. Fortunately, it is not very difficult to learn. In essence, all it takes is for you to take your eyes off your own needs for a short time, and focus on your spouse. Even if you are going through a rough patch in your marriage, and you feel unloved and unappreciated, you can still identify small things that have enriched your life thanks to your spouse. It may be a cup of coffee they brought you, or a small gift they gave you, or the call they made when they were late for dinner, or the way they smiled at you when you least expected it. It doesn’t have to be significant, erotic, or even intimate things that should get your attention - simply make the effort to notice what your spouse is doing.<br /><br />For those who like practical methods they can use to change their behavior, here’s a simple set of steps that will point you in the right direction.<br /><br />1. Put a pen and a piece of paper next to your bed.<br /><br />2. Before you go to sleep, challenge yourself to write down 3 things you can be grateful for in your home and marriage. Remember that these don’t have to be deeply emotional or intimate in nature. They can be as simple as “I am grateful that my wife ironed my work shirt today,” or “I am grateful that my husband works so hard at his job despite it not being fulfilling for him,” or “I am thankful that my wife brought me a new roll of toilet paper when I discovered (too late) that there wasn’t enough on the roll,” or “I appreciate my husband taking our car to be washed today.” Look for the “specks of stardust” in your marriage - every marriage has some of these tiny glimmers of hope or sparks of joy, and they happen every day so take the time to identify a few of them each day.<br /><br />3. Within 24 hours (before it is time to write a new list), find a way to express gratitude for at least one of the points on your list. Express your gratitude out aloud. Send an email. Make that call during your spouse’s lunch break. Send a text message. Write it on a piece of paper and slip it into the pocket of their work clothing or put it in their lunch box. Don’t let a day pass without expressing gratitude for something small and seemingly insignificant.<br /><br />4. Repeat steps 2 and 3 every day.<br /><br />Feeling unappreciated and unloved this week? Finding it hard to communicate with your spouse? Wanting something better for your marriage? Move your focus off finding fault in what your husband or wife has done. Stop thinking about how disrespectful your wife is and how deserving of punishment she is. Wives, stop thinking about what a loser your husband seems to be. Quit hammering your spouse with your criticism. This week, try a dose of gratitude instead. Give what you need, and enrich your marriage in the process. Develop an attitude of gratitude, exercise that attitude daily, and take the way you love your partner to the next level.</span><br />
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<div class="blogger-post-footer">Celebrate the kind of marriage where the husband is the leader and the wife submits to his authority at www.CafePress.com/oldfashionedmarriage</div>Old Fashioned Marriagehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09241184643141521461noreply@blogger.com11tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8723628156599645798.post-81859072689751104942012-11-03T20:38:00.000-05:002012-11-03T20:38:08.734-05:00Promise Keeping Without Punishment or Nagging<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: justify;">
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">In “<a href="http://oldfashionedmarriage.blogspot.com/2012/11/keeping-your-word.html" target="_blank">Keeping Your Word</a>”, we explored the price that husbands pay for dishonoring their word. A husband’s leadership in the marriage takes a knock each time he fails to deliver something he said he would. But is that fair? What if he is genuinely forgetful? What if he just said what he said to get his wife to stop nagging him? What if he really didn’t mean what he said, or what if he changed his mind? <br /><br /></span><div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“Our word” refers to the things we say, and not necessarily things we deliberately promise. “Our word”, from the concrete, well thought-out plans we share right down to the vague intentions that slip from our lips, create expectation in the heart and mind of the listener. We all want to be listened to, particularly by our spouse, yet we also want the luxury of not being held accountable for what we say. This is where we must choose. A man or woman of his/her word is someone who assumes responsibility for what they say, even when it was said without fully counting the cost of making that statement. An honorable man or woman takes the words that they say (or write) seriously.<br /><br />If a husband’s authority in the home is affected by how he backs up his own words, it makes sense for him to make the effort to keep his word, even when he wishes he had not said anything to begin with. In “<a href="http://oldfashionedmarriage.blogspot.com/2012/11/keeping-your-word.html" target="_blank">Keeping Your Word</a>”, we suggested that husbands ask their wives to help them grow in this area of integrity and leadership. But how can this be done without the husband relinquishing his authority or encouraging his wife to become bossy?<br /><br />In essence, the husband, when asking for his wife’s help, must choose to trust her to not abuse the power he is placing within her grasp. The power she has access to is vast: she may claim he said things he never did and hold him to promises he never made; she may grab opportunities to nag him about his promises; she may use his commitments as an excuse to tell him what to do; she may use his failures as reason to criticize or humiliate him. If the husband does not trust his wife in this area (whether or not she is trustworthy), he is not ready to ask for her help. He will need to find other accountability partners to help him grow as a man of his word, until he is ready to trust his wife.<br /><br /><em>If the husband wants help, what can the wife do to help her husband honor his word in the home and marriage?</em><br /><br />A very simple (albeit tedious) exercise is to convert the spoken word to written word for a few weeks. Habits are supposedly formed in approximately 21 days, so couples should not expect instant change. They should realize this exercise is time-consuming and requires some effort. Doing this exercise for a few weeks will not convert a person into someone who never makes a mistake and ALWAYS remembers to do what they said they would. Instead, it raises awareness of how much people expect of us based on things we say (sometimes without thinking). It is this awareness that can help motivate us to be careful about what we do say, and to honor whatever we have said.<br /><br />1. Start with the husband agreeing to (and committing to) the process of him speaking and his wife writing. The husband also commits to doing all that he says he will. This accountability system does not work if the husband only wants the system in place when it is convenient. The wife agrees to (and commits to) giving her husband the space, for the duration of the exercise, to resolve any issues that arise from him not keeping his word. She acknowledges that she may become frustrated if her husband doesn’t make good on all his promises when she expected him to, but commits to refraining from making it right on her own.<br /><br />2. Mount a small whiteboard in the kitchen, acquire a big family datebook, make use of a communal computer with a task organizer, or use sticky notes on the fridge. Choose a medium that suits your family. Make sure you choose a central place to host your “reminder space” - it needs to be where the husband and wife will walk past and notice reminders a few times a day.<br /> <br />3. When the husband says something that creates expectation (e.g. I will call the plumber tomorrow), the wife should write down what she hears him say. To avoid later conflict (on who said what), its a good idea for the wife to check with her husband that she heard him correctly and that her transcription of his words is indeed correct.<br /><br />4. The wife should post this “appointment” in the agreed upon place so her husband can be reminded of what he said he would do. Once posted, there is no further need for the wife to remind (or nag) her husband of his commitment - it is now his responsibility to follow up on every one of his commitments posted in the reminder space, and to do so by the time he said he would have it done. If he anticipates not being able to complete a particular task, he should speak to his wife about the problem before the deadline. He needs to treat each of these seemingly insignificant commitments as serious “business” contracts with his wife.<br /> <br />5. While this exercise is in play, the wife has the duty to write her expectations based on what she hears. Her husband’s duty is to fulfill that expectation that he created. If the wife doesn’t bother to write down a particular “promise”, she is not entitled to expect a positive outcome. If she doesn’t check that she has heard her husband correctly he may later dispute what she wrote, and such disagreements are difficult (if not impossible) to resolve.<br /><br />6. As expectations are met, the husband removes the relevant reminders from the reminder space. At the end of each day, any unmet expectations for that day need to be addressed. Set aside some time (perhaps at bed time) to discuss unresolved issues. It will take courage for the husband to admit to his wife that he did not accomplish what he set out to do - some men may feel this “failure” makes them less of a man in their wives eyes. Hiding the failure is probably a lot more damaging to trust than admitting it happened. And being man enough to address this issue is part of the growth of integrity. Admitting that you have not kept your word isn’t the end - it is the first part of the process of making it right. A husband can use the opportunity to discuss what went wrong and couple his own wisdom with that of his wife to find a way to make up for his mistake. <br /><br />This is a tough exercise, and not suitable for everyone. It demands a lot from both husband and wife. It does not take away from the husband’s authority. It does not force the wife to be bossy or to take charge. She does not get to punish or berate her husband if he makes a mistake. He remains in charge, and she serves as his accountability partner, helping him fill out his integrity core. In relationships where the husband struggles to understand his wife’s frustration and expectation of him, where he is convinced he has made no promises while his wife is sure he has, where the wife disrespects her husband and disregards what he says and he cannot understand why, this exercise can help the frustrated husband see how much expectation his words create. A man of his word commands respect - his integrity invites respect. Keeping our word (as a husband or a wife) isn’t always easy or convenient, but our integrity, and the pursuit of integrity, enriches our marriage. Isn’t our marriage worth that kind of effort?</span></div>
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<div class="blogger-post-footer">Celebrate the kind of marriage where the husband is the leader and the wife submits to his authority at www.CafePress.com/oldfashionedmarriage</div>Old Fashioned Marriagehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09241184643141521461noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8723628156599645798.post-48872929069547165732012-11-02T19:34:00.001-05:002012-11-02T19:34:51.185-05:00Keeping Your Word<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: justify;">
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Honoring one’s word used to be the mark of a man. An honorable man (or woman) did what they said they would do. And they did it even if it was uncomfortable or inconvenient. In fact, most honorable folk would keep their word even if it hurt them to do so. When did that change? When did a man’s word cease to be his bond?<br /><br />Have men of today traded being honorable for being comfortable? If it costs us anything to keep our word, are we tempted to look the other way and conveniently “forget” our promise? A young man recently told me that he didn’t think he was obligated to keep his word unless he had coupled it with “I promise”. When did it become necessary to tag “I promise” on to make one’s word into a commitment?<br /><br />Certainly we need to look after our health, finances, and other areas of our lives that may be affected by our commitments. If those commitments (perhaps made without counting the cost) threaten our well-being, are we justified in turning our backs on those commitments? Self-preservation has replaced honor and integrity for many people. Is that so bad?<br /><br />There is a side to not keeping your word that people don’t talk about much. It was refreshing to find an article that actually focused on the price we all pay when we don’t keep our word. </span><a href="http://michaelhyatt.com/keeping-your-word.html" target="_blank"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Michael Hyatt</span></a><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> stresses that keeping your word is at the heart of integrity. Without integrity, leadership is compromised. So what does that have to do with your old fashioned marriage?<br /><br /> A husband of a traditional marriage is a leader. The degree to which he honors his word determines how effective his leadership is. Hyatt hits the nail on the head when he links integrity to trust. If you want to be the kind of husband whose wife chooses to follow your lead and desires to submit to you, then you have to be the kind of husband who can be trusted. And how do you become that kind of husband?<br /><br />You start by honoring your word 24/7 - not just in business or in your workplace, but especially at home in your marriage. If you said you would do something, don’t drop the ball - do it. If you find you often forget about things you said, ask for help. Put a system in place that encourages your wife to help you become an honorable leader. Place yourself in a position of accountability to her when it comes to keeping your word. When you become a man of your word, your integrity as a leader will encourage your family to follow you. </span><br />
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<div class="blogger-post-footer">Celebrate the kind of marriage where the husband is the leader and the wife submits to his authority at www.CafePress.com/oldfashionedmarriage</div>Old Fashioned Marriagehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09241184643141521461noreply@blogger.com11tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8723628156599645798.post-70877572815005115602012-10-27T20:27:00.001-05:002012-10-27T20:27:35.892-05:00Spanking Out a Wild Fire<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: justify;">
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">One of our readers recently asked if there is anything he could do to prevent the conversations with his wife from always evolving into arguments. If both partners are passionate about their opinions, and determined to prove they are right, finding a solution through debating to a point of agreement might be a bigger challenge than the couple anticipated. What then? What, if anything, should be done if marital discussions about the important issues always end in arguments with no solution being found?<br /><br />Let us first consider whether marital arguments are something that should be avoided. Many couples insist that they thrive on arguing: heated debate generates passion in the relationship. But is this really the best way for the couple to live? Arguments develop when one or both individuals involved lose their focus and the ability to communicate without emotion clouding their judgment. Arguments commonly include criticism that makes the listener defensive, and likely to retaliate with more criticism or hostility. As arguments progress, those involved try harder to make themselves heard. They become frustrated and angry when they see they are failing to convince the other person. As emotions escalate, those involved in the argument become less capable of communicating effectively: negative emotions cripple the ability to listen and speak.<br /><br />If the couple is serious about finding solutions to their problems, then arguing is the wrong direction to take. During an argument, the conversation aims at one person’s opinion dominating, instead of blending the couple’s wisdom and finding what is best for the marriage. The criticism component of a typical argument is destructive - people say hurtful things that leave the kind of damage that taints a relationship long after the heat of the battle has past. An argument is not the most effective way for a couple to resolve issues - it may allow one or both partners to vent and relieve some tension, but there will usually be a price to pay for this emotional indulgence. If you want more than just a little tension relief from your passionate discussions, banish the arguments from your home.<br /><br />But how do we stop arguing when it feels so natural for us?<br /><br />In non-traditional marriages, it falls on the more emotionally mature partner to take the lead. In a traditional marriage the husband, as head of his home and leader in his marriage, bears the responsibility to pull the plug before a conversation degrades to where it is damaging to the marriage. (The wife can also help prevent an argument - after all, it takes two to tangle - but she lacks the authority her husband has at times like this.) When the husband recognizes that emotion is causing the conversation to deviate from the goal of finding a solution that is best for the marriage, he needs to call a halt to the conversation. It is essential to not assign blame at this time. The husband will achieve nothing positive by saying things like “you are too emotional to discuss this so we will continue later,” or “you are confusing the issue so I refuse to discuss this further”. As leader, he needs to help them both refocus, and that is best achieved with a neutral argument-terminator like “we will put this discussion on ice for 30 minutes”. The words the husband uses to shut down the argument will play a big role in how quickly peace returns to the home. <br /><br />Thirty minutes is usually the minimum time needed for both partners to calm down, and gather their thoughts so they can return to the discussion with clear heads. Sometimes a longer break is better, but the matter should not be left unresolved for an indefinite period. Set a time limit for the cool-off period. Take enough time to think about the ideas you want to share that will benefit the marriage - steer clear of ideas and solutions that don’t enrich the marriage. Committing your ideas to paper before returning to the discussion is a good way to keep the discussion focused on the goal. <br /><br />But what if the wife disregards her husband’s decision to draw a close to the argument? What if she forges ahead and continues to try to make her point after he has called for a cool-off period? In this case, the husband should respond as he would to any other act of disrespect from his wife. By insisting on fueling the argument after her husband has called a time-out on the discussion, she is blatantly stating that she does not respect his leadership decision, and has chosen to disobey him. If he usually punishes his wife for this kind of behavior, the husband should do so in this case. A spanking may light a fire in his argumentative wife’s bottom, but it will go a long way to putting out the wild fire of an unnecessary and destructive argument. And when the fire in the wife’s spanked rear has died down, the couple can spend some time apart gathering their thoughts before sitting down to try to solve the problem together.</span><br />
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<div class="blogger-post-footer">Celebrate the kind of marriage where the husband is the leader and the wife submits to his authority at www.CafePress.com/oldfashionedmarriage</div>Old Fashioned Marriagehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09241184643141521461noreply@blogger.com12tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8723628156599645798.post-48179467192322684972012-10-20T16:22:00.001-05:002012-10-20T16:22:23.819-05:00Expanding the 30-sec Conversation <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: justify;">
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The husband who communicates easily using his spoken words is not extinct. Such husbands are not even rare. This type of husband is, however, not as common as many wives would like. If your husband is the strong, silent type, are you stuck with a spouse who won’t talk to you? Are you condemned to a marriage of silence if your husband isn’t interested in what you have to share? Is there anything a wife can do to encourage dialogue in her marriage? <br /><br />Grantley Morris, is his article “</span><a href="http://www.net-burst.net/love/talk.htm"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Improving Communication in Marriage: Understanding Your Partner’s Different Attitude to Talking</span></a><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">” suggests that a wife can indeed influence the extent to which her husband shares his experiences, his thoughts, and his dreams through words. Morris not only explores why husbands tend to be quiet, but he also discusses ideas for how a wife can create the kind of environment that encourages her husband to talk more. We will draw on a few of these ideas as the basis for simple, practical steps that anyone can try at home:<br /><br /><strong>1. Show your husband that you value what he says:</strong><br /><br />While we all know some people who love to listen to sound of their own voice, most folk feel uncomfortable talking when they believe their audience is bored or uninterested in what they have to say. Husbands who are not natural “talkers” will be even more sensitive to these verbal “turn-offs”, than those people who love to talk. Show your interest in everything your quiet husband chooses to tell you, even if he is repeating those silly childhood stories you have heard many times before. Use simple body language to show you are engaged in what is being said (e.g. nod, smile, maintain eye contact, shake your head, laugh at appropriate points in the conversation). <br /><br /><strong>2. Allow lulls in the conversation:</strong><br /><br />Instead of filling every moment with words, consciously leave spaces in the conversation. You may have much to say, but a quiet partner will need time to gather his thoughts or percolate what you have just said. If it is your turn to talk, create opportunities that will draw your husband into the conversation: leave silent space in much the same way as you would divide your sentences into paragraphs when you write - let each “paragraph” of speech be separated by thinking time; invite your husband to give his input by actually asking what he thinks about a statement you have made.<br /><br /><strong>3. Don’t interrupt:</strong><br /><br />Perhaps your quiet husband has said something that irritated you, which you vehemently disagree with, or which triggered a new idea for you. You want to share how you feel about what he said, and you want to do it right now before you lose that brilliant thought. After all, if you share it, it will convince him that you are listening, right? Interrupting is tempting, especially if you feel your contribution will add to what your husband has to say. Interruptions do have a negative side: they break into the flow of what the speaker wanted to share. For someone who is already struggling to put his thoughts and feelings into words, an interruption can squash his train of thought entirely and leave him literally dumb-struck. Wait to share your thoughts. Give your husband a chance to continue his monologue until he asks your opinion or lapses into silence which opens the door for you to speak.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><strong>4. Seize opportunities to affirm:</strong></span></div>
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<br />Affirmation, especially in the context of communication, can build confidence and encourage a willingness to communicate. Let your husband know (without being patronizing) that you appreciate his willingness to try to talk. He has made the effort to step out of his comfort zone and share with you, so take some time to demonstrate that your are aligned with his dreams and goals, or that you are feeling his pain, or that you are standing by his side no matter what he is facing. If sharing with her reinforces the husband’s sense of being misunderstood or criticized by his wife, he will clam up. If he walks away from an attempt to talk feeling stupid or weird or alone, he will be unlikely to desire further conversation with his wife. His attempt to talk to his wife needs to leave him feeling as if he has a soul mate who will stand by him through the good and the bad.<br /><br /><strong>5. Ask a relevant question:</strong><br /><br />If the lulls in conversation grow too long, prompt your husband to keep going by asking a relevant question. You don’t want him to feel threatened so stick to one or two questions that lead on from what he has just said - more than a couple of questions can make him feel as if he is being interrogated. You want to loosen his tongue, and not make him afraid he will say the wrong thing.<br /><br /><strong>6. Do not try to get the last word:</strong><br /><br />Especially if the conversation is centered on differences which are not resolved during dialogue, it may be tempting for the wife to want to leave her opinion as the last thought on her husband’s mind. Resist that urge to get in the last word. You want your quiet husband to walk away from the conversation feeling as if he is being heard, and that his words are on YOUR mind. Push for it to go the other way, and you probably won’t get another chance to debate the same topic again.</div>
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These six, simple steps can make a big difference to how long a "non-talker" keeps talking. If you and your husband typically exchange only a few words at a time, and you long for longer, more meaningful conversations, consider changing the conversation environment. The responsibility for implementing the change falls on the "talker" in the relationship. While this is usually the wife, it could as easily be the husband who leads in conversation. These steps help to encourage a quiet wife to open up, just as effectively as they encourage the quiet husband to contribute to the conversation.</div>
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<div class="blogger-post-footer">Celebrate the kind of marriage where the husband is the leader and the wife submits to his authority at www.CafePress.com/oldfashionedmarriage</div>Old Fashioned Marriagehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09241184643141521461noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8723628156599645798.post-2821817426648355332012-10-12T21:46:00.000-05:002012-10-12T21:46:31.808-05:00Why Won’t My Husband Talk to Me?<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: justify;">
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The strong, silent type makes for a fine hero in a romantic novel, but how well does this "type" of man manage in a real marriage? A man's silence may seem sexy and mysterious during courting, but when the silence stretches into marriage it can confuse and hurt his wife. If she finds talking to be a soothing and enriching experience, it may be difficult to understand why her husband avoids it all costs. Does he do it to spite her or is he a prisoner within himself, frustrated and unable to give her what she needs? </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">A </span><a href="http://oldfashionedmarriage.blogspot.com/2012/10/rule-breaking-hiccups.html" target="_blank"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">recent post</span></a><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> drew some heartfelt comments about husbands that simply won’t talk to their wives. This code of silence imposed by some husbands on their confused wives causes significant pain and leaves emotional scars, so why do husbands with the physical ability to communicate verbally subject their wives to a wordless marriage? Is it only because they are unloving and selfish and want their wives to feel isolated and confused, or could there be another reason they hurt their wives with their silence?<br /><br />Grantley Morris, in his article “</span><a href="http://www.net-burst.net/love/talk.htm" target="_blank"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Improving Communication in Marriage: Understanding Your Partner’s Different Attitude to Talking</span></a><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">” provides an extraordinary window into the world of the silent husband. Obviously, not all husbands are the silent type, just as not all wives are chatterboxes. In some relationships, the husband is the dominant talker, while the wife is more comfortable saying less. Morris acknowledges this, but focuses his article on silent men who frustrate their wives when they refuse to talk and retreat into silence without explaining why they do it.<br /><br />Morris makes a bold statement that aligns well with the ideals of old fashioned marriage and the traditional marriage roles: “For a man to reveal his heart he needs to feel masculine.” </span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><em>What makes a man feel masculine?</em></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Husbands put themselves through the filter of what society and their wives expect of them, and guess what? They find themselves falling far short of expectations. The husband sees all his shortcomings, his weaknesses, caught in that filter and his confidence as a man, a husband, and the home leader, plummets. He convinces himself that he is less of a man than he needs to be. His sense of masculinity is attacked by his own sense of self-esteem. The thought of exposing all those weaknesses to the very person (his wife) who expects so much of him is intimidating. It is far easier to hide behind the veil of silence. The silence allows the husband to hold onto his dignity. As Morris puts it: “Strength and silence travel together because silence is needed to maintain the illusion of strength."<br /><br />But is the silence really only the result of an insecure man who is too focused on his deficiencies and afraid to expose them? “Often a wife’s attitude and expectations have contributed to her husband feeling defeated about how hard it is for him to talk. Many a man has gained the impression that his verbal limitations are yet another thing his wife dislikes about him – or even that she is angry at him for having these limitations,” says Morris. Wives may be a big part of why men retreat into silence, if these wives do not clearly communicate (<em>not just through words, but at all levels of communication</em>) that they love and accept their men unconditionally. Husbands need to know, and truly believe, that their wives do not expect them to measure up to the fantasy heroes found in romantic novels, in the same way that wives need their husbands to assure them that they are beautiful and loveable despite not looking like a runway model. <br /><br />A man who is aware of his weaknesses, and fears the criticism of his wife will hesitate to expose his vulnerabilities to her. After all, from his perspective sharing with her will only provide her with ammunition to criticize him more harshly than she already does. He does not need to be reminded that he is not enough of a man for her. To protect himself from further verbal abuse and humiliation, he puts his heart (weighed down with its sense of unworthiness) behind a protective barrier.<br /><br />There are indeed countless treasures that a wise wife can extract from her silent husband. It will take patience and it will take some significant skill, but most women have what it takes to develop this patience and skill. “</span><a href="http://www.net-burst.net/love/talk.htm" target="_blank"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Improving Communication in Marriage: Understanding Your Partner’s Different Attitude to Talking</span></a><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">” contains some gems of understanding that can help wives make sense of the behavior of their quiet husbands. In the spirit of exploration and discovery, we invite you to join us as we dig a little deeper into this article in search of ways to encourage communication in wordless marriages.</span></div>
<div class="blogger-post-footer">Celebrate the kind of marriage where the husband is the leader and the wife submits to his authority at www.CafePress.com/oldfashionedmarriage</div>Old Fashioned Marriagehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09241184643141521461noreply@blogger.com13tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8723628156599645798.post-64236133405874278402012-10-10T18:31:00.001-05:002012-10-10T18:31:40.625-05:00Rule-breaking Hiccups<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: justify;">
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Frustration related to a marriage partner is not uncommon in
marriage. It happens in good marriages and it happens in bad ones. (<em>The
difference is that the frustration is not neglected, but swiftly dealt with in a good marriage.</em>)
Frustration has a myriad of sources, some of which may seem trivial to someone outside
that marriage. An emotionally frustrated spouse may feel as if he or she is not being listened
to, that they are putting in effort that isn’t being recognized, that they alone are
doing all the work to grow the marriage, that they are not worth the attention
of their partner, or that all their effort is producing too few or no results.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Traditional marriage, like any other type of marriage, is not exempt from frustration, and both husbands and wives have to deal with it at some point. One common source of frustration for a wife in a traditional
marriage, especially during the first few years of growing into the traditional
marriage role, is the inconsistent handling of rule-breaking. When the husband
puts a rule in place, he should communicate what the consequence will be if
the rule is broken. If the wife breaks the rule, and realizes what she has
done, she expects the promised consequence to follow.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><em>What happens if the expected consequence does not follow?
What happens if the husband doesn’t even seem to notice that the rule he
insisted on having has been broken?</em> <em>Or imagine that the husband does notice (and the wife observes this),
but he ignores the offense for reasons he doesn’t communicate to his wife.</em></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The non-responsiveness of the husband typically elicits a
chain of reaction from his eager-to-be-submissive wife:</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">1. If the husband is in the same room, the wife may actually
respond physically by tensing up and catching her breath when she realizes she has crossed
the line. If the realization comes a little later when she is alone, the
reaction may not be so physically noticeable, but it will trigger the start of
a period of anxiety. As she waits for her husband to speak about or act on the
broken rule, her state of anxiety may expand to match the magnitude of the
consequence she expects.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">2. After an appreciable time has passed and the wife finally concludes
that her husband either hasn’t noticed or doesn’t appear to care, she may
initially feel relief. Facing an unpleasant consequence is stressful, and
having that consequence vanish after an anxious wait can evoke a rush of soothing
calm. (For wives who are expected to confess their offenses to their husbands,
they may only feel relief after the confession.)</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">3. The relief is often short-lived. Anger and disappointment may follow quickly on the heels
of relief. Faced with the unfairness of being subjected to a stressful waiting
period for no apparent reason, the wife may feel that anger (or at least some measure of irritation) is
justified. Disappointment may flow from making the situation too personal - in the midst of the emotion she feels, the wife may convince herself that her husband doesn’t care as much about the marriage and her
as she previously thought, simply because he didn’t notice what she did wrong or care enough
to say or do something, if he did notice. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">4. Uncertainty or confusion about the rule and its
importance in the marriage follows. The wife is understandably confused by why
her husband would make a rule that he himself does not respect enough to
remember or defend. It’s not that she wants to experience the consequence that was promised
- she probably dreads it - but the consequence brings some closure to the event
which has (by this time) taken up a substantial amount of the wife’s thought
life. Without the closure, the memory of the broken rule just gets pushed aside
as unfinished business. If it takes substantial effort for the wife to obey
the rule, it flies in the face of logic to continue to observe the rule if
the husband behaves in a way which communicates that the rule is unimportant. Her previously clear
expectations of the consequences for breaking the rule are now clouded by
uncertainty. The husband's response to the rule-breaking is his opportunity to exercise his authority - by responding with no words or action, the husband is sending a subtle message that he is unable or unwilling to exercise his authority.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">If the husband continues to repeat this behavior (<em>of
disregarding consequences that he put in place</em>), his wife’s
frustration will grow as her confidence dwindles.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The wife’s frustration will gradually breed
disrespect for the house rules and eventually for the husband’s authority. The
end result? A husband who doesn’t feel respected, a wife who feels her
submission has been a wasted effort, and a home and marriage in which the harmony
and co-operation is eroding.</span></div>
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<div class="blogger-post-footer">Celebrate the kind of marriage where the husband is the leader and the wife submits to his authority at www.CafePress.com/oldfashionedmarriage</div>Old Fashioned Marriagehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09241184643141521461noreply@blogger.com20tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8723628156599645798.post-87676530876412666882012-10-05T18:22:00.002-05:002012-10-05T18:22:37.234-05:00Surrendering Your Bunch of Keys<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: justify;">
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The submission of the wife is her willful surrender to the
authority and leadership of her husband. Can that surrender be measured on a
linear scale that stretches from defiant and unyielding to totally surrendered? Or is
it an all-or-nothing type of transaction - either you are or you are not submissive? Perhaps there is another way to visualize
submission. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Think of a woman as a complex being comprising many
different zones or “rooms”. Together these rooms within her nature make her the
unique individual that she is. These rooms are furnished with experiences and
the lessons learned from these experiences. Each room carries its own emotional
identity: some rooms are crowded and disorganized, one or two may resemble a battle
zone where the dust hasn’t settled, still others reveal patches, duct tape, and
scars upon closer inspection. Keep looking and you may find still more rooms
characterized by confidence and boldness - in these rooms, the woman is rarely
rattled by threats or challenges and is eager to be hospitable and let others
in.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">At the core level, in the control room where she stands
watch over all the rooms in her mansion, the woman chooses to submit herself to
her husband. She wants a husband-led marriage, and the price she must pay for
this powerful union is to give her mansion to her man. She is eager to share
it, but still a little afraid that he won’t treasure all the rooms as she does. She has been the
mistress of the mansion for a long time, and has put a lifetime of work into
looking after every room. Can he really take as good care of her rooms as she
does? The wife thinks long and hard about it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Her will evaluates all the options and finally chooses the path of
surrender. She loves her husband more than she treasures her mansion, and she
wants to give it to him.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Excited by the prospect of sharing herself so deeply with
her husband, she hastens from room to room, inserting the key in the lock that
opens the door to the outside. In the rooms where confidence saturates the
environment, she swings that door open without hesitation, inviting her husband
in. Without thinking twice, she gives him the keys to these rooms. He can do
with these, her favorite rooms, what he wills. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">She hesitates a little with the rooms that need some (or a
lot of) attention. She is embarrassed by the mess, and would prefer to have
more time to restore some order. Her husband assures her that he doesn’t mind a
little chaos, and that he will be happy to help her organize that space. She
hands him one key after the next, convinced that he doesn’t think any less of
her for having a few crazy rooms.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Then her husband points out one of the remaining rooms. May he go
in there, too? The wife hesitates and reluctantly pushes open the door just a
crack so he can see inside. It is clean and tidy, he observes as he peers past
his wife. The key is tightly grasped in her hand, and she doesn’t invite him
inside. “Will I be master of this room, too,” her husband asks? The wife
nibbles her lip anxiously, and finally mumbles “yes, I guess so”. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Her husband pushes the door open and steps inside. His gaze sweeps
around the room, and he admires the furniture and the artworks on the walls. He
notices damage everywhere he looks, and that it has been neatly patched up. He
sees the repair tape holding some books together, and the glue marks on the side
of the cracked vase. There is wire wrapped around some broken chair legs, and
neat repair stitching pulling together the shredded upholstery on the sofa. He
wonders out aloud about what happened in this room, and his wife is quick to
brush his query aside. When he moves to sit on the old chair in the corner, his
wife guides him away. “You’re too heavy - you’ll break it,” she whispers
timidly. He moves to pick up a pretty china teacup from the table, and his wife
snatches the little cup from him. “Careful, honey. You might let it fall. It’s
one of a kind.” She promises to leave the door open at all times, but conveniently
forgets to hand the key to her husband.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Does this describe a submissive wife? Or does her hesitation to trust
her husband in one area of her life exclude her from bearing the title of
“submissive wife”?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">A wife that has chosen to walk the road of submission has
made a wise choice. That choice, however, only gets her to the starting line. From
that point forward, she is one of the elite: the courageous few who have chosen
to submit to their husbands - she is a “submissive wife”. Ahead of her lies a
journey many women hesitate to take. It may scare her a little, but she knows
she wants to take that journey. Her heart has converted to submission, but she
may not realize that it will take time for the rest of her to follow that
example. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">A wife doesn’t make the choice to submit and instantly get
beamed across to the destination of “<em>Perfect Submissionville</em>”. She must walk
the long, sometimes rough and thorny, road into submission, one choice at a
time. Will she drag her big bunch of keys with her the whole way and hand them
to her husband when she arrives in “<em>Perfect Submissionville</em>”? </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">With every step she takes along that road of submission, the
wife’s desire to unload the weighty keys will grow. A patient husband who loves
first and exercises his authority second will make the journey appear shorter
for his wife. He will quickly collect her set of mansion keys as she willingly shares
them with him. His bunch of keys will grow as she leaves the little gifts upon each
milestone along the road. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><em>Not the patient husband type?</em> Go ahead. Demand that bunch of
keys at the start of your wife’s journey into submission, or even part way into
it. What will you get? Most likely you will get a few keys. You might even get a lot of them. But will you get
them all?</span> </div>
<div class="blogger-post-footer">Celebrate the kind of marriage where the husband is the leader and the wife submits to his authority at www.CafePress.com/oldfashionedmarriage</div>Old Fashioned Marriagehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09241184643141521461noreply@blogger.com18tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8723628156599645798.post-11698895059464324362012-10-01T19:58:00.001-05:002012-10-01T19:58:30.407-05:00Punishment for Silence<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: justify;">
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Effective communication between spouses is characteristic of a growing marriage. But what happens when the lines of communication get tangled or cut? Should a wife's failure to communicate with her husband be a punishable offense? And what if the husband is guilty of shutting his wife out? Since the wife in a traditional marriage does not discipline her husband, is there anything she can do to help her husband avoid the urge to distance himself?</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">When deciding what is or is not a punishable offense, it is important to take a careful look at <u>why</u> the rules and consequences are in place? For many couples, the marriage rules protect the marriage and the harmony in the home. Choices and behaviors that pose a threat to the integrity of the marriage or the peace in the home are generally off-limits. Venturing into these off-limits zones will invite punishment.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Communication is the life blood of the marriage. What if one partner cuts off that "blood" flow? Does this not threaten the health of the marriage? A husband or wife that puts up walls (consciously or subconsciously) between themself and their partner is indeed putting the marriage at risk. A little silence may seem small-scale and insignificant on the surface, but shutting your partner out of your thoughts and feelings inevitably begins the process of eroding trust. A marriage without trust is a skyscraper without a solid foundation, destined for disaster.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Is it wise to put in place a rule that governs avoidance of communication?</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Communication works best when done regularly. Regular communication is, however, challenged when one partner finds themself battling with an issue that is not easy to grasp or talk about. It is not uncommon for the person experiencing this inner turmoil to withdraw deep into themselves. The solitude creates a "quite space" where it is possible to process thoughts and emotions that are initially difficult to put into words. Retreating into this "quiet space" can be a healthy way to make sense of what is causing the inner unrest. Many people use this visit to their "quiet space" to explore their feelings and seek out the words to explain what they are experiencing. Staying in this "quite space" for too long can, however, have a negative effect. Getting stuck in that "inner cave" means you leave your loved ones on the outside, confused and uncertain of what is happening to you. The self-absorption overwhelms everything else, and it becomes easy to justify neglecting your partner or your responsibilities to your family and the home. Lurking alone inside yourself for too long is dangerous for the marriage, and a rule is a good way to steer clear of dangerous situations.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">A clearly stated marriage rule can function as an escape hatch, providing a way to turn your back on unhealthy self-absorption. People come in all models, and cover the communication spectrum from talker to non-talker, so there is no generic rule that applies to everyone. Each couple needs to take their own personalities and communication skills into account when setting up their rule. In its simplest form, the rule should set a limit on how long the partner can remain in their individual "quiet space" before the couple needs to start working on the issue as a team. Part of the power of a marriage is the availability of joint resources to aid the problem-solving process. Working together not only expands the personal toolbox of "fix it" gadgets so you find and apply the solution faster, it also strengthens trust and brings the couple closer together. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">What happens when this rule about keeping the communication lines open is broken?</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">When setting up the rule, a couple should decide on the consequence for breaking the rule. If spanking is part of the relationship, it can be employed as a consequence. A husband may offer his wife the consequence of a punishment spanking if she resists returning from her self-focused retreat and avoids engaging in the process of sharing her thoughts and concerns. This may seem insensitive and unkind, especially if the wife is dealing with deep, emotional issues. But recognizing that extended periods of self-absorption can be unhealthy for the wife and for the marriage should provide the motivation that the husband needs to create and enforce this rule. Should the time limit apply to the husband, too? His withdrawal can be just as damaging to himself and the marriage as his wife's withdrawal would be. Yet his wife does not have the authority to punish him as he can punish her for putting the marriage at risk. Should the husband then be exempt from the rule and the expectations placed on the wife?</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">A wife's greatest gift she has to offer her husband is her submission. This is as true when he is a selfless leader as it is when he becomes self-absorbed and selfish. The following may seem grossly unfair to the wife, but chew on it for a while before you spit it out. Consider an approach that may nudge you out of your comfort zone, especially if you do not already have similar consequences in your marriage. Consider keeping the consequence the same irrespective of which partner breaks the rule. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">If the husband fails to open the channels of communication after he has had time for inner reflection, he has the responsibility to give his wife a spanking neither of them will enjoy. This would not be a punishment spanking for the wife, since she has not broken the rule. It would be an act of submission on her part - <em>a gift to her husband in much the same spirit as he gives to her when he punishes her for the sake of the marriage</em> - and the unpleasant consequence would fall most heavily on the shoulders of the husband. His punishment would not be in receiving a spanking - it would be in giving it when his wife is innocent of the offense. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">By giving the spanking, the husband's leadership and authority, and all the responsibility that goes with serving his family as the leader, is placed under the spotlight. In carrying out his duty to spank his wife knowing she does not deserve the spanking, he is reminded that he is still the leader, even if he doesn't have it all figured out yet. He is refocused on the value of his marriage, as he witnesses how his wife treasures their marriage enough to accept an undeserved spanking to protect it. His failure to observe his own rule results in his wife bearing his physical punishment. Having someone else pay the price for our errors is a humbling experience. This spanking would serve as a reminder that the consequences for the mistakes of a leader are seldom his own to bear - his followers, those who trust him to protect them, often pay the price on his behalf. </span></div>
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<div class="blogger-post-footer">Celebrate the kind of marriage where the husband is the leader and the wife submits to his authority at www.CafePress.com/oldfashionedmarriage</div>Old Fashioned Marriagehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09241184643141521461noreply@blogger.com28tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8723628156599645798.post-16494644649782310662012-09-29T19:00:00.000-05:002012-09-29T19:00:02.204-05:00Submissive Wives Cannot Think for Themselves<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: justify;">
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">In an earlier post, "</span><a href="http://www.oldfashionedmarriage.blogspot.com/2012/09/ten-reasons-to-fear-label-of-submissive.html" target="_blank"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">10 Reasons to Fear the Title of Submissive Wife</span></a><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">", we considered ten possible reasons why many modern day wives distance themselves from public association with "submission in the home". At the top of the list was:</span><br />
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<em><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">"You will not be allowed to think for yourself. You will never make any decisions
in your marriage, and your ideas will always be disregarded."</span></em></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Is this statement always true, sometimes true, or never true? Is a wife justified in thinking that if she submits to her husband, he will take over the job of thinking for her?</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">It is true that in a traditional marriage, the husband has the authority to make the final decision on anything pertaining to the home or marriage. But it is a stormy and shallow traditional marriage in which the husband disregards his wife's opinion. As a leader, he has the responsibility to serve those he leads. By listening to his wife's ideas, he learns how to serve her better. Better still, by actively encouraging his wife to explore or develop new ideas and then share them, he is helping his wife to grow creatively. By letting her make decisions, he comes to understand his wife better. A wise husband will quickly realize that his wife is an asset to his leadership, as she provides a perspective on the home and marriage that is never identical to his own. Merging his and her perspectives will broaden the scope for marriage grow, and this includes making it easier to find solutions to common marriage conflicts. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Is the husband obligated to adopt any ideas his wife shares with him? No, he still retains the authority to rule in favor of a different approach, but when he does so, he can be confident that he has explored not only his own ideas, but his wife's as well. He won't be acting from a position of ignorance or blinded by arrogance - he will be making that final decision for the benefit of his wife and his marriage. Encouraging his wife to think independently does not minimize his authority - it enhances it. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">But won't a wife who is allowed to have her own ideas struggle to submit to her husband? After all, her submission requires her to align her will with that of her leader and husband. If she is allowed too much "free will" won't she become defiant and want to dominate her husband? A weak leader is controlling, demanding submission through fear and manipulation. Good leaders don't control. Instead of putting his wife into a limiting box from which she desires to break free, the strong leader creates boundaries within which his wife will thrive. A wife that is encouraged to become all she can be, a woman who is free to grow to her full potential, won't be driven to instinctively rebel against unseen oppression. No, this doesn't mean she will never digress from the path of submission. She will simply not feel shackled to the path, and will walk it willingly (<em>even if she stumbles from time to time</em>).</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Is it reasonable to think that if you submit to your husband's leadership, you will lose your right to think for yourself? Certainly not. Your husband's leadership is strengthened when you contribute your thoughts and ideas in a respectful way. </span></div>
<div class="blogger-post-footer">Celebrate the kind of marriage where the husband is the leader and the wife submits to his authority at www.CafePress.com/oldfashionedmarriage</div>Old Fashioned Marriagehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09241184643141521461noreply@blogger.com14tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8723628156599645798.post-7151209658497466642012-09-23T17:30:00.000-05:002012-09-23T17:30:02.108-05:00Overcoming Avoidance Behavior<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: justify;">
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">In "</span><a href="http://oldfashionedmarriage.blogspot.com/2012/09/why-husbands-hesitate.html" target="_blank"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Why Husbands Hesitate</span></a><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">" the emotional turmoil behind a husband's avoidance behavior was explored. Husbands desire respect, they want to be honored as the leader in the home, yet when they are not, they often do nothing. When the wife challenges her husband's authority, it evokes powerful emotions in the husband. Many husbands bottle these emotions and become resentful over time, blaming the declining quality of the marriage on their wife's controlling nature. Some husbands respond by throwing temper tantrums and then wonder why their wives called them "immature" and respect them even less. Few husbands stand up to the challenge, and take action to correct and remind their wives that they (the husbands) are still in charge. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The exploration of "</span><a href="http://oldfashionedmarriage.blogspot.com/2012/09/why-husbands-hesitate.html" target="_blank"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Why Husbands Hesitate</span></a><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">" revealed that it is not uncommon for husbands to decide their response based on what they are feeling at the time. Husbands may respond in the one extreme by losing their temper or in the other extreme by giving their wife the silent-treatment, but few actually do anything about the behavior that is so offensive and damaging to their relationship. Why the classic avoidance behavior on the part of the husbands? Many husbands simply don't feel "<em>good enough</em>" to correct their wives. They pass the offensive situation (e.g. their wife speaking disrespectfully to them; their wife disobeying house rules, etc.) through the filter of fairness and come to the conclusion that they are not "<em>better</em>" than their wives, and so cannot justify correcting their wives. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">How is a husband <em>who feels like he would be a hypocrite for correcting his wife</em> going to exercise his authority or handle threats to his authority within his home?</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">As old-school as this sounds in a time when men and women are equally free to "be emotional" whenever it suits them, men have to <strong>stop being so emotional </strong>when it comes to leadership. To act when you don't feel qualified or justified in doing so, you must remove or at least distance yourself from the "feeling" aspect of the situation. Does this mean you cannot acknowledge what you feel? Do you have to pretend to feel nothing? Absolutely not. Suppressed emotion can lead to frustration or stress-related health problems. Certainly acknowledge and express your emotions, but <strong>do not be controlled by them</strong>. Feeling inadequate or "not good enough" to correct or discipline your wife is something you might as well get used to. It goes hand-in-hand with being an earthling. If you are human, you will make judgment errors, you will do stupid things (hopefully not often) you regret, and you will <u>feel</u> like a fraud for spanking your wife when she doesn't measure up.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">It is all well and good to say "<em>take the emotion out of it</em>", but how does a husband actually accomplish this emotional castration when his confidence has been rattled and he doesn't feel up to the task? His wife may be yelling at him, telling him he is an idiot, speaking to him as if he is a child, or blatantly doing the opposite of what he has asked of her. How can he bypass all he feels in that moment and act in a way that helps his wife stop her destructive behavior?</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Quite simply, the husband must pre-determine his response. He must decide long before his wife crosses the line what he will do when the line is crossed. The consequence must be set before it is ever needed. A husband and wife should discuss what is good or bad for their marriage, and agree on suitable consequences for damaging behavior. Ultimately, the husband bears the responsibility for setting the boundaries. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Once the husband has decided where the lines are and what the consequences will be, he needs to share this specific information with his wife so she knows what to expect and what is expected of her. These lines (or <em>boundaries created by rules</em>) should not be arbitrarily chosen based on emotion, but should be boundaries that protect the harmony in the marriage. Boundaries are not about stroking the ego of the husband, but rather function to create a healthy environment for growth in the marriage. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">In the heat of the moment, when the husband's authority is being threatened, his confidence is crushed, and he is loath to do anything about it, he cannot afford to act based on what he feels. He has to carry out the plan created by the very boundaries he put in place. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Husbands who set boundaries for their homes create a safe environment in which the couple can grow. A husband who reacts to challenges as a guardian of his marriage doesn't have to fear that his emotions will keep him from doing his duty. He will correct his wife irrespective of how flawed he judges himself to be, because it won't have anything to do with feelings or his own sense of worth. If a punishment spanking was the consequence decided upon before the line was crossed, then a punishment spanking is what must follow the crossing of the line. The husband will deliver that punishment spanking because that is what the pre-determined consequence is for the particular offense, and not because his wife is worthy of his judgement. Old fashioned husbands are not cold and emotionless. They feel it all, but they do what needs to be done anyway.</span></div>
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<div class="blogger-post-footer">Celebrate the kind of marriage where the husband is the leader and the wife submits to his authority at www.CafePress.com/oldfashionedmarriage</div>Old Fashioned Marriagehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09241184643141521461noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8723628156599645798.post-62579526669050351182012-09-22T19:30:00.000-05:002012-09-22T19:30:01.442-05:00Why Husbands Hesitate<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: justify;">
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">"Men" and "emotions" are seldom used in the same sentence. Even in modern society where it is now acceptable for men to cry in public and do other "emotional things" that were once assigned to the realm of women, we still don't think of men as emotional creatures. Yet men do battle emotions from time to time. And the emotions have the same potential to hinder the growth of a marriage as when women let their emotions interfere with their choice to submit to their husbands. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Perhaps the one occasion when husbands experience emotion (<em>often kept well hidden under the surface</em>) quite profoundly is when their authority in the home is challenged. What goes through the mind of a husband when he recognizes that his wife has crossed the line? Is anger the only reaction to having his buttons pushed? Few husbands will punish out of anger, and many husbands will walk away pretending that the challenge to their authority never actually happened. What keeps a husband from acknowledging his wife's disrespect and dealing with it so he reduces the chance of such behavior recurring?</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Consider that a wife who crosses the line, who disregards her husband's authority, may possibly be evoking one or many of the following reactions in her husband without even realizing it:</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">1. He feels disrespected by his wife.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">2. He is disappointed in his wife.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">3. He feels hurt that his wife would treat him this way.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">4. He feels apprehension upon realizing that he should correct his wife.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">5. He feels inadequate or under-qualified to make an issue of the offense, as he recognizes his own imperfections are significant when held up against his wife's offense.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Why do husband's hesitate to deal with a wife's disrespect or disobedience? When all the emotions have boiled down, the husband may realize he would be a hypocite for punishing his wife when he makes mistakes all the time. Instead of taking the emotion out of the situation, the husband who hesitates or who totally avoids dealing with his wife straying from submission often does so in response to his own emotions. He allows how he feels (<em>oh-so-human and filled with imperfections</em>) to determine his reaction. He subconsciously concludes that it would be unfair to punish his wife for her lack of submission when he is not the perfect leader. So he does nothing. Is it surprising that his wife's disrespect for him grows?</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The hesitant husband may justify his lack of action on the grounds of fairness. He may whine and complain that his wife is growing more bossy by the day. He may mutter under his breath about how disrespectful she is. He may even express anger at her lack of submission. But until he does the old fashioned "manly" thing of separating his emotions, <em>how he feels</em>, from what needs to be done, he will never experience the fulness of a marriage where he confidently leads and his wife graciously submits.</span></div>
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<div class="blogger-post-footer">Celebrate the kind of marriage where the husband is the leader and the wife submits to his authority at www.CafePress.com/oldfashionedmarriage</div>Old Fashioned Marriagehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09241184643141521461noreply@blogger.com12tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8723628156599645798.post-42982986560063947682012-09-19T18:15:00.000-05:002012-09-19T18:15:00.266-05:00The Modern Woodshed<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: justify;">
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<img alt="" border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjuVvEKas9vOA9g6QBGMmUx_fsPmkGWc4_Y6X1I0_5Vmgoc_v6LrQbfoShsuXGoczzmsBUCVPerbQ7n3o4P5iJYDfDcMnd6N3F82Jo77IQoMS2Wii3D796NnOAdil6PTC22py9_8r1caLZV/s1600/blog_woodshed.jpg" title="Old Fashioned Marriage and the Woodshed" /></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">According to the Urban Dictionary, the "woodshed" is an allusion to being corporally punished, where the victim would be sent to the woodshed to await his punisher. The woodshed was a popular location, because it was remote from the rest of the home (affording the punished a little privacy), and there was abundant material there for fashioning a paddle or a switch. The Merriam-Webster Dictionary defines the woodshed as a place, means, or session for administering discipline. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Woodsheds are not too abundant in modern cities and towns that are powered by electricity and gas. Not many city dwellers have even see an old fashioned woodshed complete with wood piles, a wooden workbench, and a saw horse or two. The proverbial "trip to the woodshed" is now an archaic term. Should it be? Should a "trip to the woodshed" be an almost forgotten part of our history, or does it still have a place in an old fashioned modern marriage?</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">A husband that takes a firm lead will inevitably have to draw the line or lay down some home rules for his wife. If she crosses the line in disobedience or defiance, it falls on the husband to do what is necessary to restore respect for his authority and those rules. While a punishment administered by the husband may occur very rarely, the necessity for it from time to time cannot be overlooked. In the absence of a physical shed in the backyard, what is a husband to use as the "woodshed" and why should he even bother to have one?</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Having a defined place for a </span><a href="http://www.oldfashionedmarriage.blogspot.com/2012/09/five-types-of-old-fashioned-marital.html" target="_blank"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">punishment spanking</span></a><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> to take place can help both the husband and wife prepare for the punishment. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Facing a punishment spanking that he must administer is intimidating for any husband who is relatively new to marital spanking. He may be torn between knowing he must do what he promised to do, and his sincere dislike for causing his wife any pain. On a head level, he may know that a short period of pain now may help his wife become more submissive and respectful in the long term, but that doesn't make it any easier to be the one to provide his wife with the painful experience. The husband may feel his confidence wavering, suddenly aware that his wife may vehemently resist his attempt to punish her. He may feel ill-equipped to handle that kind of resistance given his experience, especially if he is already tempted to avoid the punishment. He may be teetering on the edge of backing down and giving in to the urge to cancel the punishment. He may be considering all the reasons he isn't good enough to be judging and finding his wife guilty of wrong-doing. He may be battling a deep sense of hypocrisy for even entertaining the thought of punishing his beautiful bride.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">It not only the husband who finds the countdown to a punishment to be an extremely uncomfortable time. Facing a punishment spanking is a frightening experience for the wife. She will be battling different emotions and may find it hard to focus on how the discipline will enrich her marriage. There may be the fear of the pain she is about to experience. If never punished before, the wife may be terrified of the unknown. Disappointment in herself for letting her husband down may battle for the wife's attention. She may feel guilt over what she did to deserve the punishment. She may be angry with herself for her mistake, or angry with her husband for being prepared to punish her. She may be dwelling on how unfair it is for her husband to discipline her, when he is far from perfect himself. The resentment this causes may be welling up within her with some considerable force. She may find herself reliving the memory of her mistake over and over again. She may be struggling to even consider surrendering to the punishment - submission may be the last thing she wants to offer her husband. She may even be trying to think up counter-arguments that she can use to talk her husband out of punishing her.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">How can having a "woodshed", a designated place to give and receive a punishment spanking, help to prepare the husband and the wife for a very unpleasant, but necessary, experience?</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">A "woodshed" gives the husband a place to send his wife to when it is decided that a punishment spanking is necessary. In many ways, having this fixed destination makes the matter final. Once the wife is sent to the "woodshed", the option to back out of the punishment is removed for both partners, and with it much of the anxiety that goes with indecision. If the wife enters the "woodshed" ahead of her husband, she will have some time alone to focus her thoughts knowing she doesn't have to invest any effort into trying to avoid the punishment. The husband can use the same time on his own to plan the punishment. While there is a place for spontaneity in the process, planning the punishment spanking will help boost the husband's confidence.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">What kind of "woodsheds" do modern couples have access to?</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">For many couples, the "woodshed" is their bedroom. For some, though, the thought of using the bedroom for punishments seems wrong. Their concerns seem to center on the fact that using the bedroom for such an unpleasant and painful experience may have a negative effect on their perception of the bedroom as place of peaceful rest and pleasurable intimacy. These couples may choose a study, home office, or den as their "woodshed". The bathroom, already subconsciously associated with privacy and the cleansing process, is also a favorite. Particularly for couples with children, an outbuilding or garage works well. Those fortunate enough to have a property with substantial grounds and plenty of privacy may choose a particular spot in the garden to serve as their open-air "woodshed". </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">If a couple has chosen an old fashioned marriage, then a "woodshed", which helps to take a lot of unnecessary anxiety out of the punishment process, should be decided on. Irrespective of whether the husband chooses the "woodshed" or the couple decides on the venue as a team, the "woodshed" should be chosen before any punishment is ever necessary. Knowing that a "woodshed" exists is a good reminder for both husband and wife that punishment spankings are not fairytale threats, but a real possibility. Having this sense of certainty can encourage both husband and wife to take their marital roles seriously and avoid the "trip to the woodshed" at all costs.</span></div>
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<div class="blogger-post-footer">Celebrate the kind of marriage where the husband is the leader and the wife submits to his authority at www.CafePress.com/oldfashionedmarriage</div>Old Fashioned Marriagehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09241184643141521461noreply@blogger.com14tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8723628156599645798.post-15984840000959060902012-09-16T17:04:00.000-05:002012-09-16T17:04:00.053-05:00Lady in Red<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: justify;">
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Disrespect. Rebellion. Disregard for the rules. Disobedience. Neglect. Dishonesty. If the wife pleads guilty to any of these domestic crimes, what is to be her punishment? Or is there no punishment at all? Are these just tragedies of modern marriage that should be ignored, and not in-home misbehavior that must be addressed? The wisdom of yesteryear suggests a remedy. It calls for a domestic reward for such behaviors that many modern husbands are afraid to even consider: the marital spanking. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Brainwashed by conventional wisdom, husbands have come to believe that when a man raises his hand against his wife, it is the most barbaric form of abuse, and cannot qualify as anything else. Afraid to be labelled an abusive husband, husbands brush aside the advice from the older generation. They tolerate the chaos in their homes. They bow to the leadership of their wives. They lose their self-esteem. They seek solace elsewhere and trade shallow affairs for the sanctity of marriage. They avoid coming home to their overbearing wives. Marriages grind their way through the sausage machine of divorce court. Lives of adults and children are minced up as husbands choose to abandon the wisdom of old as a sacrifice to please unnamed strangers who really don't care.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Consider domestic chaos: a home lacking in harmony, where a husband and wife yell at each other, where respect is absent, where loving encouragement is replaced by hurtful comments. What if you were given one chance to change that? What if your wife said she would do anything you wanted for one hour to help you change the home environment from <em>Crazy Land</em> to <em>Peace and Harmony</em>. What would you do with that hour? Would you be frozen on the spot, overwhelmed by the weight of the decision? Would you act quickly and take advantage of your wife's co-operation? What would you as the husband do?</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">If you are short on generating your own creative ideas, you might decide to call in a wise old man who has lived the married life and survived to tell the tale. Oh, the stories he could tell. When asked what he would do with the hour that will change things forever, he might say something like this:</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Young man, your wife wants to be married to a man, not a mouse. Act like a man. Don't waste your precious hour debating your plans. Execute them. Your wife has given you a priceless gift of her absolute co-operation for one hour, so don't squander this gift. Take your beautiful bride by the hand and lead her to the sofa. Sit down and pull her down over your lap. That's right - over your lap. You need her to be safely positioned so you don't harm her, and having her bottom in full view lets you keep her safe. Tell her that she is about to get her first spanking from you, and that it is to help her mark the end of an era never to be repeated in your home. Emphasize your statement with a few well placed smacks on her upturned rear end. She will probably be protesting by this stage. Tell her she needs to be quiet and listen, because you are going to be telling her some very important things that she won't want to miss or forget.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Raise her skirt or lower her pants so her underwear is exposed. The extra layer of clothing will afford her too much protection and muffle your communication. She will hear more when there is less between your hand and her buttocks. Continue telling her what the new phase in your marriage will be like as you swat her pantied behind. She may be yelling or squirming by this stage, but don't let that deter you. After about five minutes, lower her panties. This is for her own safety. Feel free to explain that to her. You don't want to unnecessarily harm your wife, so you need to know the condition that her bottom is in. Her bottom needs to be exposed for you to make this judgment. Keep the spanking rhythmic and balanced: left, right, left, right... and for variety, throw the occasional swat across the middle of her globes, which she may be clenching tightly at this stage in the hope of alleviating some of the sting. Keep speaking in a soft, soothing voice. Raise your volume a little if she is making a lot of noise. Don't be too restrictive about the noise she makes. After all, this is all new to your wife and she will be feeling a little panicked. Give her some space to express herself.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Keep spanking, even when she begs you to stop, when she calls you an abusive beast, when she starts promising to be good, when she threatens to divorce you. You have an important message to share with her, and you cannot let her distract you from that. Her bottom will go through a variety of color changes. At first it will blush a little, then the blush will darken into a rose glow. The rosiness will eventually transform into a deep red. Her emotions will also go through various stages. She may start off co-operative, become more vocal and resistant as the sting builds up, perhaps become angry and commanding, and eventually her resistance should dissolve. She may cry as she accepts her fate and surrenders to you. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Expect these stages, and don't let them rattle you. Will the spanking hurt your wife? It surely will, but the pain will fade quite quickly after the spanking ends. Will it hurt you more than it hurts her? Probably not, but your hand will be pretty sore before you are done. Remember that this spanking is not about causing your wife pain. It is about inviting in a new era in your home: one where peace will reign because you have the courage to take the leadership of your home seriously. This spanking is your chance to get your wife's full attention so you can tell her how your new home and this new phase in your marriage will work. You've been thinking about how you want to lead for a long time now, so your speech is well rehearsed. This is your chance to share your vision with your wife without her cutting you off or stomping on your ideas. Be bold and talk - you only have one hour. If you communicate your ideas carefully, one swat at a time, you should end up with a wife who shares your excitement about changing your marriage and who will look at you through new eyes. That spanking will earn you a few respect points you never had before, so use them wisely. Will you need to spank your wife again? Perhaps. Time will tell. But if it is needed again, you will know what to do.</span></div>
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<div class="blogger-post-footer">Celebrate the kind of marriage where the husband is the leader and the wife submits to his authority at www.CafePress.com/oldfashionedmarriage</div>Old Fashioned Marriagehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09241184643141521461noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8723628156599645798.post-76018321017429641532012-09-14T18:37:00.000-05:002012-09-14T18:37:00.541-05:00Ten Reasons to Fear the Label of Submissive Wife<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: justify;">
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Have you ever been called names? Has anyone ever labelled you with a negative tag? Sadly, many women dread the label of "submissive wife". Instead of being a worthy badge of honor that all wives should strive to claim as their own, this label has become feared. Why do so many women run from the challenge of submitting to their husbands? Many proudly proclaim that they will NEVER allow their husbands to tell them what to do, or permit the husbands to make decisions on their behalf. They explain that they believe in equality, and that a man shouldn't lead the woman. Then they justify their stance by explaining that they really are better at leadership than their husbands are, that they are more intelligent, more confident, more... in effect, these ladies justify why THEY (and not their husbands) are the boss in the home. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">What scares the average woman when she thinks of trying to explore a more traditional marriage? Do your own poll amongst the ladies you know. You may be amazed to hear the reasons that many women cling to. Below is a short list of some of the fears that evidence themselves as a resistance to becoming submissive in a marriage.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">It is believed that if you are a submissive wife, then:</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">1. You will not be allowed to think for yourself. You will never make any decisions in your marriage, and your ideas will always be disregarded.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">2. You will forfeit your freedom and be told by your husband what to do and when to do it for the rest of your married life. Your life will be scheduled for you, as it once was when you were a toddler.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">3. You will eventually lose the physical ability to think and decide for yourself, leaving yourself vulnerable and incapable of looking after yourself should your husband leave you through death or divorce.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">4. You will be required to obey any command your husband gives, even if you disagree or fear that the command will compromise your safety.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">5. You will be punished for disobeying your husband, and he will have full control (within the bounds of the law) over the punishment he chooses to administer. He can ground you, keep you from talking to your family and friends, limit your time on the internet, or give you extra chores to do. He can even spank your naked bottom if he so chooses.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">6. You will end up doing all the chores in the house, while your husband will lie on the couch and issue orders. In essence, you will become a maid who cooks and cleans and serves your husband.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">7. You will not be allowed to have or express an opinion. You will only be allowed to express your husband's opinion (if he allows you to speak).</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">8. You will have to suppress your real self in order to become the woman your husband expects you to be. Your whole personality will change, and it will be especially traumatic for high-spirited, strong-willed women who don't naturally lean towards submission.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">9. You will be ridiculed by other women for being weak and easily manipulated by a man. Other people judge us by the roles we take on, and submissive wives are judged as being weak and unable to function without a man to tell her what to do.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">10. You will learn to hate your marriage and your husband. Feeling trapped and unfulfilled are part of the life of a submissive wife.</span></div>
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<div class="blogger-post-footer">Celebrate the kind of marriage where the husband is the leader and the wife submits to his authority at www.CafePress.com/oldfashionedmarriage</div>Old Fashioned Marriagehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09241184643141521461noreply@blogger.com3