tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8723628156599645798.post8185907268975110494..comments2023-03-30T08:03:00.944-05:00Comments on Old Fashioned Marriage: Promise Keeping Without Punishment or NaggingOld Fashioned Marriagehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09241184643141521461noreply@blogger.comBlogger8125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8723628156599645798.post-21639519156094611042012-11-05T18:24:59.591-06:002012-11-05T18:24:59.591-06:00You are right, Kevan - humility is essential for t...You are right, Kevan - humility is essential for the husband, but that is a characteristic of an effective leader anyway. Noticing the little things comes naturally for many women, but no-nagging is the big challenge. It's hard to see something that needs attention and to not keep making that point over and over again. So yes, this is an exercise better suited to a mature couple who want to deal specifically with the issue of accountability regarding keeping one's word.<br /><br />Your suggestion is wonderful, Kevan. Yes, by all means have the husband add to the "reminder list" things his wife may not notice or remember. That certainly helps both partners to own the list, and will encourage the husband to guard his tongue from making idle promises.Old Fashioned Marriagehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09241184643141521461noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8723628156599645798.post-9682077272822208542012-11-05T18:16:42.035-06:002012-11-05T18:16:42.035-06:00Thank you, Lillie. It's wonderful to hear that...Thank you, Lillie. It's wonderful to hear that Ian holds himself to a higher standard than you hold him - usually couples battle because it's the other way around. I'm a big fan of a whiteboard (some people prefer clear glass against their wall color) - it's such an easy way to jot down reminders that make life simpler for everyone in the family.Old Fashioned Marriagehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09241184643141521461noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8723628156599645798.post-31739920580186938472012-11-05T18:12:27.810-06:002012-11-05T18:12:27.810-06:00Honoring one's word adds an element of predict...Honoring one's word adds an element of predictability to marriage (and not in a boring, "bad" way) - it seems to simplify some of the issues around expectation and disappointment. Thanks, Susie, for adding your thoughts - you are blessed to be married to a man of his word.Old Fashioned Marriagehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09241184643141521461noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8723628156599645798.post-72277416042100313422012-11-05T18:09:42.273-06:002012-11-05T18:09:42.273-06:00Thank you, Blue Bird.Thank you, Blue Bird.Old Fashioned Marriagehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09241184643141521461noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8723628156599645798.post-46885135811107719442012-11-05T06:54:25.124-06:002012-11-05T06:54:25.124-06:00This system requires a significant amount of humil...This system requires a significant amount of humility on the part of the husband, which is no bad thing. It means acknowledging to himself and his wife that either he hasn't been doing what he's promised he would, or that she sincerely believes she hasn't. Likewise, the system requires her to be alert and mature (the no nagging rule). As you say, it's tough. It's interesting, and I think I'll suggest it if I'm ever accused of breaking my word, or if I realize that I have.<br /><br />One modification that I would find helpful would be for the husband to take equal responsibility for the list, so that if he makes a promise (implicit or explicit) that his wife doesn't notice, it's brought to the attention of both of them. This could help the husband learn not to casually make promises that aren't necessary and may be difficult to keep.Kevanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06977340323032759432noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8723628156599645798.post-6793763824844855262012-11-04T11:01:04.922-06:002012-11-04T11:01:04.922-06:00This is an interesting way of approaching the ques...This is an interesting way of approaching the question of accountability for HoHs. In our relationship, it isn't necessary, as Ian seems to hold himself to a standard that is more than I could ask of him. I think some of your practical tips would be a good way for us to address my issues, the legitimizing of tasks by writing them down or putting them up on a whiteboard is an excellent and workable idea.<br />Enjoyed this one very much,<br />lillieAnonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12062533298458764009noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8723628156599645798.post-29477060383498370592012-11-04T07:35:09.730-06:002012-11-04T07:35:09.730-06:00This is an interesting proposal for problem solvin...This is an interesting proposal for problem solving. We used to have this issue all the time but it has dramatically decreased over the last couple of years. My husband is now adamant about keeping his word and when he doesn't, it is because he has forgotten, not because it was intentional.Susiehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00511114118020790717noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8723628156599645798.post-27271947314253908002012-11-04T00:21:38.623-05:002012-11-04T00:21:38.623-05:00Great post, thanks!Great post, thanks!Blue Birdhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06173540938552974351noreply@blogger.com