09 February 2013

Valentine's Day: To Play the Game or Not

Is Valentine’s Day outdated? Valentine’s Day may still capture the hearts of the young and restless, but should it be a thing of the past for married couples? After all, is it not simply an excuse for macho young men and liberated young women to ditch their images and indulge in a little romance for 24 hours? Perhaps it does give the unmarried an opportunity to play at a little old fashioned courtship without fear of ridicule from their peers, but that doesn’t mean it has to be evicted from the playtime repertoire of married folk. Valentine’s Day is the perfect opportunity to reignite a spark of passion in the marriage.

To stoke the marriage fires takes a little effort. Any couple that has their honeymoon behind them will know that the honeymoon fires do die down if it they are not fuelled. But how do we fuel the fires of passion? On the surface, it appears that the commercial world has made it easy to piggyback those efforts on Valentine’s Day. Your credit card will secure you a couple dozen long-stemmed roses, some imported chocolate, an over-sized Hallmark card, sparkly jewelry, and an over-priced meal in some romantic setting. You may even get away with a quick rush to the mall only minutes before you need to present the gifts. Effortless romance, right? You get to communicate your love, and you don’t even need to give it much thought. 

But what if you dared to be different this year? What if you actually invested a little thought, a little time, and a little effort into making Valentine’s Day special for your sweetheart? Yes, I know. Why bother when all your efforts won’t be appreciated? Why give up your free time to do something special for your spouse when they won’t notice your sacrifice? Or perhaps you are thinking that you are not creative and could never do anything romantic?

This Valentine’s Day is about reminding your marriage partner that you love them. Love is easy to communicate, but sometimes we forget that. Love has been commercialized to the point where we believe that without the bunches of roses, expensive jewelry, elaborate dinners, and preprinted cards, our love communications will somehow be considered inferior. Dare to turn a blind eye to the script that the commercial world presents you with this Valentine’s Day. Dare to remind your sweetheart that you love them in a way that will be priceless to them and a perfect fit for your relationship.

14 comments:

  1. You know what my perfect, favorite bouquet is? Tiger lillies, daffodils and cornflowers. The colors are gorgeous together. And the fact that he was inspired to think of me by their simple beauty is amazing.

    We love the feel or each other's touch, the feel of his hands on my neck - sublime. Coupon books are awesome, coupons for massages, homemade cookies, a favorite meal, a stress relief spanking for him, a pass on cooking, a massage or a gg for her. The options are really endless, and can be as personal as you like.

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    1. Your favorite bouquet sounds lovely, June. The options for being good to each other certainly are endless. And it's a lot of fun to express oneself creatively, once you get past all the excuses for not trying. I think sometimes folks just lack a little confidence and fear the criticism that may come with deviating from what everyone else is doing. Thanks for sharing some of your ideas.

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  2. We've been married for 29 years and we still celebrate Valentine's Day. Every year my wife tries a new cookie recipe on 13 Feb and surprises me with the results the next day. Her baking is awesome and I eagerly anticipate this year's surprise. In return, I make her a new picture frame in my woodshop each year, and we fill it with our favorite Christmas snap from the year before.

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    1. You're a lucky man, Randy. Your wife knows how to give in a way that you appreciate. Let us know which cookies she bakes this year :) And she is just as fortunate to have you. Your 29 homemade photo frames must form an interesting collection by now. Those are great examples of off-the-beaten-track Valentine's Day gifts.

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  3. Anonymous9/2/13 21:41

    My friends all get pampered on Valentines. My husband acts oblivious to the day. I hate the day after Valentines when I get asked what my husband did to pamper me. I just tell people we don't celebrate the day.

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    1. I am sorry to hear you don't typically receive anything from your husband on Valentine's Day. Perhaps he needs someone to set a good example for him? You can still celebrate the day by being the one who gives and pampers, even if he doesn't return the favor for a while. Move your focus from receiving to giving and make this Valentine's Day full of all the fun and pampering you desire for yourself.

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  4. I find the whole "red rose/heart" theme quite overdone. Are women not insulted when their husbands or boyfriends arrive with the red hearted shaped box of candy and the red roses? It screams "I didn't think you were worth more effort than to run into the store and grab these".

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    1. Thanks for your comment, Rob. Perhaps some women are insulted by a gift that doesn't appear to have more than money invested in it. I think attitude plays a big role in how we respond to a gift. We can choose to feel blessed even if the gift is not what we would like to receive. I also think it is vital to keep the focus on giving with the right attitude. If I am focused on giving rather than receiving, it doesn't matter so much what I receive as what I give.

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  5. Anonymous10/2/13 11:12


    Hi OFM
    This is really not about valentines day being the month after the month after christmas so we are usually skint money wise so we never do anything!!
    I am really writing to ask your advice again I have finally had the courage to tell my husband well at least I have given him a letter with my feelings about submission in it and also attached a letter I found online about domestic discipline. He has not handed it back to me and I see this as a good thing.
    But I don't know what else to do how long do i leave it if he still doesnt bring up the subject should I? Or should I leave it indefinately it has been over a week now and nothing yet! I am scarred of saying or doing the wrong thing how do I approach the subject-it is actually begining to stress me and I know my behaviour is ugh so I just need some advice.

    Best Regards
    Jane

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    1. Thanks for sharing, Jane. Without knowing you or your husband personally, it is difficult to make suggestions that will be right for your family. I can tell you what I would advise myself to do in a similar situation: wait.

      It may be difficult to exercise patience right now, but if you truly desire to grow in submission to your husband, use this waiting period as an exercise in submission. Don't control the timing of his response, by forcing him into a premature decision - let him take the lead when he feels ready to do that. You have courageously shared with him what is on your heart. Give him the time (and it may take a lot more than one week) to wrap his mind and heart around what you have shared. Men usually take a little longer to get comfortable with sharing their emotions.

      Think about how long you have been thinking about submission before you shared your thoughts with him. Consider giving him at least that much time, and more. And while you are waiting, grab every opportunity to demonstrate to your husband that you are serious about submitting to him and his leadership. This doesn't have to be a frustrating, stressful time for you - you can use it to grow in your role. And if your stress is making it difficult to be submissive, then immediately find an activity (e.g. jogging, dance, stretching, reading...) that relaxes you and engage in that activity as often as you can. Don't let stress (that you can deal with) have a negative influence on how your husband responds to the traditional marriage roles.

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  6. We don't do much of the "usual" stuff aside from cards but we try to go out of our way to make that evening a bit special. We don't need much these days. :)

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    1. A little can go a long way between people who love each other :) It sounds like you and your husband will be enjoying this Valentine's Day. Thanks for sharing, Susie.

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  7. Anonymous11/2/13 11:20

    Hi again OFM as usual what you say makes so much sense -I really understand what you are saying I am really tring very hard not to be inpatient or that my inpatience would force my husband into a premature decision - he would say himself he often procrastinates however and that's what i am wondering about also it has taken me six months nearly to do what I have done,I have dropped a few hints before but this letter was the most forthright thing i have done. As well I do sort of agree with what you say about an act of submission being the waiting for his time - that's really hard becuasuse essentially someone told me something like that before and it seems the harder I try the more a mess i make of it - but maybe you are right I just don't know. For me this started out at first as just a secular thing but as time has went on it has become very spiritual too. I am a person of reasonably stong christian faith and influence and at times I feel so convicted about all of this - its just interesting that you say this at this time because i had sort of given up on trying to submit without having the leadership and accountability towards my husband which is what I deeply desire and yet also fear - it becomes one great big muddle and I know and all the christian teaching I have buried inside of me tells me that God dose not lead us into confusion I sort of ask God for a confirmation form a source that could not knwo what is going on inside me but it doesn't happen. I do feel your answer is right even as I think about this and write about it maybe I just need to really pray my through it and that might help - but seriously pray not like the beating around the bush that I have been doing. Thanks for your help
    Regards Jane

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    1. Thanks for following up, Jane. Certainly do keep this a matter of prayer. As a Christian, God should be guiding every decision we make.

      You are correct - God does not give us confusion - that tends to come our way when we try to put what we want ahead of what God wants for us. Just choose His best for your marriage - God has already told you in His Word what He expects of you in the role of wife, so you don't have to figure too much out on your own. Relax, enjoy the journey, and don't get ahead of God's timing for your marriage.

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